All The Tiny Boxes We Fit
by touchnotthecat
Summary: 'It's hard to pinpoint when that moment happens. When you realize that the way things had been going…. Well, they wouldn't be going that way for too much longer. The lid on the box won't close. That's the hardest, when you realize your reality has forever shifted. That it would never go back to the 'before'. No matter what you want.' Romanogers, Begins Post WS.
1. 1: Natasha

**Disclaimer:** _Sadly, I do not own any Marvel characters or any_ _affiliated_ _concepts, nor do I pretend to._

 **A/N:** Hello all. So, here we go my ultimate OTP on paper. I ship Romanogers so hard it is like a religion and I am taking the plunge and striking out on my very own story. I hope you all enjoy the journey. Please R&R and let me know what you think, more to come soon. -Cat

 ** _Chapter One_**

 _Natasha_

When you live on the fringe, you figure out ways to survive. A big one is compartmentalization. You have to think about your brain as a suitcase, and inside that suitcase you have all these boxes. These boxes are filled with everything you think about. Some are big, some are small. You've got your family box, your work box, your boxes of different friends. And everything fits into these boxes, so you can function. Because you can't spend all day thinking about these things. You have to function. So we put things in the boxes, so we can move past them or around them.

But somethings just don't seem to want to fit into their box.

It's hard to pinpoint when that moment happens. When you realize that the way things had been going…. Well, they wouldn't be going that way for too much longer. The lid on the box won't close. That's the hardest, when you realize your reality has forever shifted. That it would never go back to the 'before'. No matter what _you_ want.

Because before...before whatever happened _happened_...things were easy...well, easier, until the flood gates opened.

I mean...

He was Steve. Just Steve. Simple, clean, tidy. He fit in his little box nicely. Very patriotically. Captain America. My new brother in arms. Which he was, brother-like, for so long…. I mean, it just worked, far easier to have a comrade in arms... Than literally anything else. Cause he was Steve. And I - I'm…. Well, I'm me.

I'm Natasha Romanoff. Black Widow. Killer. Avenger. Opposite from his entire world.

So everything was fine. He was Steve and I was me. And it was amazing how easily I could believe my own lie. I mean sure, I cheated occasionally... I mean for instance, I knew I didn't want him to be alone. That would be worse. Way Worse. So I would try to set him up. And he always said no. Because he was Steve, and too stubborn to let his world keep spinning. And I worried about him. He didn't deserve to be alone, he deserved happiness.

I realised that wanting to make sure he was happy was crossing the boundaries of what was appropriate. I was investing myself too much. But honestly I couldn't seem to stop my self.

And then that stupid mission happened. It changed everything, and some nights, when I am feeling particularly sorry for my self, I just wish I could go back, back to before that night on the Lemurian Star. Because it was easier, delusional but easier, the lid was still tightly on Steve's box.

I remember watching him fight Batroc on the deck, when I was getting the intel from the hard drives. It was on the security camera feed. I noticed him take off the helmet and face the mercenary. I can admit, it caught my eye. It seemed so unlike him, to invite violence almost, rather than try and defuse it. I found it attractive. What can I say?

And then he found me on the security bridge, ' _Well, this is awkward,'_ didn't even begin to cover it, considering I was spying on him moments before, getting all hot and bothered.

When he realised what I was doing, he was so disappointed in me. It was shocking how much it hurt, to realise I had let him down. That he had even thought that highly of me to begin with… and then to have lost it before I even really realized I had it? It tuned my emotions in a quick and brutal way.

Working with him, it was different from anything I was used to. He wasn't like Clint, he wasn't like Fury. It wasn't the same as working with the other guys. He was a different kind of animal. Unpredictable. Funny, when I first met him on the first flight ship, I can still see him standing there, in his khakis and plaid shirt, looking so lost...I thought he would be the most predictable of all of Fury's recruits.

Then Fury died. After getting shot in Steve's apartment. What was going on? My world tilted. And the fact Steve wouldn't trust me to help him... It was like a punch to the gut. I felt alone. Again. Back where I always ended up. So I watched and I waited. I wasn't going to disappoint him again. Steve was gonna get my help whether he wanted it or not.

'Course the kiss didn't help keep my emotions in check either. Sure I made the off the cuff comment after, but it was to cover my shaking hands. Walking around the mall with him, his arm around my shoulders, joking at the Apple Store; a more childish side of me likes to run those moments in my mind. Like we were a normal couple, not being chased by a death squad of Hydra.

But nothing had really changed at all. In that truck ride out to New Jersey I realized how lucky I was, that he wanted me to be his friend. What more could I hope for? He was Captain America. He was so…. _good._ What was I? An ex-trained assassin. A soulless man made killer? Who was I to expect anything more from Steve Rogers?

And then he goes and saves my life in the bunker. I can still remember his arms around me, his body shielding mine from the rubble of the bunker literally protecting me from death.

I realized later, in Sam's apartment, I was doomed. When he said he trusted me, it was like being given a gift I wasn't worthy of. I loved him. There was nothing for it. I did. So all that meant was I just had to build him a slightly bigger box to fit into. And it might take a while but I could do it. I could do anything. Emotions were nothing. Manageable.

I remember getting shot, the pain ripping through my shoulder. Falling backwards. I remember sitting behind the car. Knowing the Winter Soldier was right behind me, grenade launcher in hand. This was gonna be it. But then he was there. In an instant, my knight in red, white and blue armour. I watched him fight. He was protecting me. It was a close battle, the Winter Soldier was powerful, but then I watched Steve stop. He just stopped, dead, like he was frozen in place. He looked scared. I had to scramble to make it. Nearly passed out from the pain but I got the shot off before he could shoot Steve.

The aftermath from fighting on the highway is a bit of a blur...

I remember pain, and worry. But mainly I remember the pain of watching Steve, trapped in his own shifting reality. The realization his best friend from _before,_ was alive. And had evidently been used as a super soldier assassin? I can remember telling him it wasn't his fault. Hoping against hope he would believe me and not disappear into a pit of self hate. Seemed like something he would do. Being all honourable, like he was.

Then we went to the Triscellion...


	2. 2: Natasha

A/N: Hope you are enjoying the story. Just to clarify this story is beginning in Captain America: Winter Soldier. But I am sure you all picked up on that lol. Hope you enjoy this chapter -Cat

 **Chapter Two**

 _Natasha_

"Everything fitting ok?" Maria asked me, looking up from the hemline of the blue business suit I am wearing.

"Yeah, it'll be fine." I move to swing my shoulders but instantly stop, flinching at the pain in my left shoulder, from the gun shot wound. I feel so irritated by my own physical limitations I could punch something.

"Easy now." Maria scolds gently. I look at her with a raised eyebrow, "Look," She snaps briskly, "We all have our roles to play here. Don't need you bleeding through your bandage, blowing your cover, before we get what we need."

I roll my eyes but she is right.

"Hey there," I look up at the door way and see Steve hovering in it.

"Captain," Maria says.

"Uh, can you give us a minute Agent Hill?" Steve asks as he steps into the room. Doing that annoying thing where he looks up at you from under his brow, even though he already towers over most people. Ugh, those puppy dog eyes, its enough to make your teeth fall out. I hate how much I love him. I freeze at the casual thought. No, just another box that the lid needs to slammed down on, hard and fast.

"Sure thing Cap," Maria gets up and leaves the room without a backwards glance.

Gingerly I cross my arms. "All dressed up for a night on the town?" I tease him as my eyes wander over his scavenged uniform. Very retro. I must say, I like it compared what he was wearing in New York, more understated.

He chuckles, looking at the ground as he comes to stand in front of me. Since I am standing on a stepping stool for Maria to fix the hemline, we are eye level with each other. "How's your shoulder?" He asks me, his eyes wandered over to it, currently under thick blue fabric.

"Oh, I've had worse." I say nonchalantly.

"What's another scar right?" He says raising an eyebrow. I think back to what feels like an eternity ago when I showed him the scar on my abdomen, his response to my comment about bikinis. It makes my stomach feel like it has dropped to somewhere around my ankles but that feeling quickly goes away when he looks up at me and his eyes look sad, heavy.

I feel my self go still, "What's up Steve?" I ask, worried about him. Worried about what exactly the truth about Bucky is currently doing to him.

He shakes his head looking back at the door. "I dunno," he looks back at me from under his lashes. Steve is so perfect, I just want to reach out and touch his face, his cheekbone. I could study his face for hours and not get bored. I mean, he may find it a bit intense... What was in those pain killers the doc gave me? I blink out of my wandering train of thought when he adds, "Look after yourself out there, ok?"

I smirk, "What, don't you know I can take care of myself yet?" I tease in a flippant, cavalier way, so as not to reveal how much his concern really means to me.

...Then he goes ahead and says words that are so wonderful to hear I just about have to pinch myself to make sure this is real. "Damn it Nat, I'm being serious. Be careful." As he speaks he reaches out and takes my arms, holding on to me tightly, hence not having to pinch myself. I stare back at him, caught off guard by his impassioned plea. "You've been shot, you aren't 100%, just look out for yourself ok?" His eyes are pleading. He looks so scared for me. It opens the box...

Maybe there is something there? Maybe he does see me for more than what I was created to be...I blink away the ridiculous notions.

I nod my head slowly, brow furrowing, "You know that is the only reason I am not coming in with you right?" I want him to know that, how much I hate not being there to cover his back. He has Sam, but still. I would feel more comfortable if he had me. By his side. Well, a non-shot version of me.

He smirks at my words, but his eyes are serious, "Promise me, if you cross paths with-" I already know who he is talking about, Bucky, the Winter Soldier. I hope he can read in my eyes, that I know what he is trying to say. He must because he continues, "Just promise me, you'll turn the other way."'

It is a ridiculous request, offensive even. What if it's Bucky versus Steve and he needs my help? What then? Am I supposed to shrug my shoulders and walk away, keep my fingers crossed that Steve will win? He doesn't know what he is asking me, he doesn't know what it is like to be the killing machine, to have no emotion driving you. Your humanity turned off, tucked away into its own little box. Just like everything else that is supposed to make you human. Your mind becomes boxes, that are only opened when your handlers allow them to. "You know you can't ask that of me." I say quietly, I don't want to disappoint him again.

"Please, Nat." His eyes are huge, I feel my breath coming quicker, "if anything happened to you, because of him. He already-" his eyes wander to my shoulder, I feel his hand on my right arm tighten, his other moves up, his thumb lightly brushes over the shoulder pad of the suit. He looks back at me, his eyes are a whirl of emotion, fear, regret, confusion, rage, concern. "Just please, promise me."

I realise then, he is terrified of Bucky killing me, his best friend ending my life or hurting me again. I find myself nodding, without really knowing what I was agreeing to. "Alright," I say like it doesn't go against everything in me. Knowing it's a lie. That if it came down to it, I would throw myself between Steve and Bucky if it meant saving Steve's life.

But his eyes don't release me that easily, "Promise me Nat,"

"I promise, Steve."


	3. 3: Natasha

**Chapter Three**

 _Natasha_

I feel like I am in a haze, still rattled from electrocuting myself. "Maria, do you have a location on Rogers?" I ask as Fury swerves the helicopter away from the collapsing Triskelion and Sam gets settled in the chopper beside me.

When she answers it feels like I didn't really hear her, "Based on last call in, he was in Charlie Airship." Is her soft response.

"What?" I feel myself go still as I look into the air at the wreckage of the remaining ships, exploding and collapsing out of the sky. "No, no, he was supposed to get out before they fired!" I yell ridiculously before I can stop myself.

"It was his order, Nat." Her voice responds sadly. My eyes scan the sky frantically. I can't talk. I can't move. He can't be gone. No. He's Captain America.

I feel Sam close beside me. "He probably bailed out, take us lower to look in the water." He says calmly to Fury who turns the chopper again. It enrages me that both Sam and Fury seem to be remaining so calm about the possibility that Steve is trapped on an exploding air ship, when I seem to be falling apart.

I have no concept of time. I just sit in the door of the chopper, scanning the water. If I believed in anything I would be praying. But I don't. I just let my brain stay in neutral as time seems to crawl by.

"There he is!" At Sam's voice I scramble over to Sam's side of the helicopter, as Nick swings us around. I see where Sam is pointing, and there is Steve, laying on the side of the River apparently unconscious.

That was when I totally lost my head, "Oh god, Nick get us down there!" I yell over the propellers.

We bank hard and drop quickly. Before Fury has the chopper down I push past Sam and let myself drop the handful of feet down to the ground and hit the turf running. I slide over to him on my knees, "Steve," I say his name because I can't seem to help myself. I take in his battered body, his bleeding face. I see the blood stains on his uniform, see the entrance gun shot wounds, what look like stab wounds. Panic tightens in my chest. "Come on Steve, stay with me." I prop his head up, I put pressure on his chest. I feel his warm blood on my fingers.

I can't believe it but there are tears in my eyes. I mean really? But then he is my partner, my fellow Avenger. I tell myself I should be upset. It was normal right? But no matter what excuses I make, I feel what I have dreaded ever since my attention towards Steve changed...I feel myself start to lose control. That's the problem, after all. Having feelings, emotions for someone else. Suddenly you are no longer in control.

"How's he doing?" Sam slides to his knees on the other side of Steve's torso.

"I don't know, I don't - he's been shot, I'm not even sure how many times. He's-"

"Nat!" I stop, realizing I was stuttering. I look up at Sam, who had snapped at me to shut me up. "It's ok, it's _Cap_. We just gotta help him out."

I nod and can already hear the sirens. Yes, I am totally, one hundred percent out of control.

* * *

I remember waiting outside in the hallway of the hospital. Standing, not moving, barely breathing. When Sam appears at my side. He has floated in and out of my presence, last time he brought coffee. I am disappointed he is empty handed this time.

"So, you and Steve huh?" My head snaps around to look at him, the first time I have taken my eyes off the door that leads to the surgical rooms. That was where Steve was in the hands of people I didn't know, didn't know if I could trust.

"What?" I ask cooly. Trying to be casual about how I arrange my features. I instantly scan for Fury to make sure he isn't within hearing distance. Already fearing what he thought of my behaviour on the chopper.

Sam shrugged, keeping his behaviour light and non-confrontational, "Well, just by the River today, you seemed…. very upset." He looked at me casually and instantly, irritatingly, I look away back at the door.

"Yeah, well, weren't you? After everything we've been through." I snap back at him, rolling my shoulders back and trying to calm down. Ignoring the throbbing ache in my shoulder.

"Yeah, but you were…." I could feel Sam looking at me. "Just thought- Never mind. Musta been wrong. Just in case you ever wanted to talk about that. Or something like that. I am here. For you. If you want to talk."

This time I full on glare at Sam. "Duly noted." He gives me a tight lipped smile, and nodded but turned and ambled back down the hall, apparently not offended by my cold, terse reply.

I didn't want to talk to him about this. I didn't want to talk to Clint about this. I didn't want to talk to anyone about this. It's embarrassing.

It' Steve after all... And let's not forget, it's _me_ we are talking about. What could Earth's most honourable hero possibly ever see in me? I had nothing to offer him. Hell, if Fury was unwilling to trust me, why the hell would Steve? And anything like that... I could barely think the world, I felt so weak even acknowledging it, any affection needed trust right? But now, knowing where I stood...How hopelessly doomed I was, it was even worse. At least before I was in a very happy state of denial. Well, maybe not very _happy_ , but it was passable.

I remember the doctor coming out and telling us Steve had pulled through. Should be fine with bed rest. Standing between Fury and Sam, holding myself together, because the ridiculous thing was when the doctor said that, I felt even more like breaking down than I had while we were waiting. Like realizing how close it had been, how much worse... The flood gates just wanted to burst open, but I stood still. Face blank, arms crossed, biting the hell out of the insides of my cheeks, keep it together.

I remember standing in his hospital room, on my own for a minute. Fury was talking to Sam about something, I think it was Avengers related. I didn't know, I didn't care. I couldn't seem to focus, there was a deafening buzzing in my ear, as I stared down at him in the hospital bed, standing there over his right side.

He was still unconscious, hooked up to different machines, monitoring his breathing, his heart beat. He looked so quiet but also sad. His brow looked so heavy. Like the weight of the world rested on his shoulders. I couldn't help but reach forward. I remember glancing quickly at the door, just to be sure no one was about to come in. Then very gently I let my fingers trace down his brow, over his jaw, down his chin. That perfectly chiseled profile, battered, beaten and swollen, but it didn't matter to me, he was still perfect. The man was so perfect, it was quite ridiculous. If it wasn't so fucking painful, I would laugh.

I take a deep breath, dragging myself back to reality. That's enough Natasha, no more make believe. Then I turned and walked from the room.


	4. 4: Natasha

**_Chapter Four_**

 _Natasha_

Fury always loved his theatrics. A graveyard was the perfect place for a clandestine goodbye.

I saw them, the three of them, over by Nick's pseudo grave. Steve looked good. Healthy. Alive. It made me breathe easier. I visited him once in the hospital after he had woken up. But it had been quick, I think I caught Steve off guard by how jittery I had been, how eager I had been to get out of the room, but maybe he was just groggy, not confused. Sam mentioned they were using pretty heavy duty pain killers for him, since his metabolism was so fast the regular stuff wouldn't work. So maybe he didn't even remember me being there. I hope not, I was a mess. I had felt claustrophobic in that hospital room, surrounded by all the things I wanted to say to him. Trapped by them.

' _I can't stop thinking about you,'_

 _'I even dream about you,'_

 _'When I thought you died…..'_ They were ridiculous. '….. _I wanted to.'_

But now we are here, far away from hospital rooms. Steve's eyes fell on me. I felt my breath get trapped somewhere between my mouth and my lungs. By just the weight of his gaze. I walk over, and smile. I smile like everything is as it should be.

"You should be honoured. That's as close as he gets to a thank-you." I say brightly, watching Nick Fury walk away. I see Sam discreetly turn away from us, after he meets my eye. It irritates me he knows something is going on. I doubt my display at the hospital convinced him of anything. He caught me off guard. Which makes me feel vulnerable. Exposed.

"Not going with him?" Steve asks me.

"Noo," I say smiling. The last thing I wanted was to chase after Fury. I wanted space from the good director, still smarting that he didn't seem to trust me with his life any more. I wanted to be away from him... Wanted to be my own master for a while.

"Not staying here?" He asks.

I look at him, his voice gives nothing away. I feel all the words I want to say bubbling up in my chest. Fighting to get out. So instead, to save what remains of my dignity, I shift my wait from one foot, to distract from any facial ticks that may give away that I am lying, "I blew all my covers, I gotta go figure out a new one." I smile up at him.

"That might take awhile," His voice seems heavy but I keep my expression light.

"I'm counting on it." I say in a flirtatious way. I take a deep breath to steady my nerves, "I got something for you. Called in a few favours from Kiev." I hand him the file I got on the Winter Soldier.

I suddenly know I am going to say it. Ask to go with him and Sam. Help him find Bucky. I realize the file isn't enough, I want to give him more. More help. More of me. I realize then I would be happy to give him, anything... _every_ thing.

Then reality comes back to me, in that same blink. And I know soon, he will know everything about me. Who I really am. The file dump from S.H.I.E.L.D. ...Saved the world, ended mine. As easily as a Google search. I smile up at him, and find myself still wanting to make sure he is happy, before he knows about the real Natalia Ivana Romanova. "You should call that nurse,"

He smiles at me, like he wants to shake his head, 'S _illy Nat,'_ "She isn't a nurse."

"You're not a S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent." Because he isn't. Not only because S.H.I.E.L.D. turned out to be a shell of an idea, but because he never was. Not really. Not Steve, he was never really like us. Damaged. Broken...a false truth.

He suddenly looks up at me from the file, "What was her name again?"

I don't hesitate, I don't stutter like the very air has been sucked from my lungs, I just say it "Sharon," I smile lightly, "You should call her, she's nice," I add. Because that is what we do. Steve and I. I set him up, and he says no. Only this time he wasn't saying no. I look down at the ground because I can't stand to look at him anymore.

Worst thing is. Sharon _is_ nice. She's nice and safe and probably on a sliding scale fairly well adjusted. Sharon is the complete opposite of me.

My window has been slammed shut. The fact I even thought I had an opening was laughable. Totally ludicrous. Because after all a Captain _doesn't_ fall for a spider.

I roll up onto my toes and let my lips brush over his cheek, I allow myself this. This one small indulgence. He looks down at me and I notice he has a slightly green fleck in his blue eyes. Huh. Quickly, I turn around and walk away from Steve Rogers.

"Be careful Steve," I say as I walk away, "Might not want to pull on that thread," I want to get away, start running. Slam the lid on Steve's box. But I can't do that around him. It's impossible. So, I walk away from the first man I have ever been stupid enough to really and truly fall in love with, and try to move on with my life.


	5. 5: Steve

**_Chapter Five_**

 _Steve_

She was complicated.

More complicated than anyone I had ever known. More complicated than anyone I had ever _met_. That's not an easy accomplishment.

She was irritatingly stubborn, and arrogant and cavalier. She made jokes at inappropriate times. She flaunted authority. She was devastatingly deadly. She was all I could think about.

But it never seemed right. There never seemed to be the right fit, the right play. I didn't feel like she even saw me. Not really. Not the real me, certainly not the Steve from Brooklyn. I felt like I could barely hold her attention. Like trying to hold water in your bare hands. She kept trying to set me up like a lost puppy that needed a home so you could stop worrying about it.

And I thought I knew her...

It wasn't until Washington though, that was when I saw the real her. Before that, I was attracted to her, sure. You would have to be blind deaf mute to not be attracted to her. Even then… But that was it. Superficial.

At least that was all I could think of it as.

Until it was too late.

She was unlike any woman I had ever known. I mean, sure most women are different from my day, but that isn't the same. She is unique. I saw how pained she was when we thought Fury died. To be honest I wasn't even sure if she had real emotions in her, up until that point. Before, she was so closed off in New York. I came away from the fight for her best friend, our lives, for the world, by her side, not knowing her at all.

Then came Washington. She knew the Winter Soldier, she wanted to help me. She didn't even hesitate. Actually wasn't really an option of asking her for help so much as her just appearing when I needed her, even though I didn't know I needed her so much.

I wanted to ask her for her help to find Bucky. But how could I do that after I had already put her life in such danger to help me? Turned her world inside out and upside down. She stood up to Capitol Hill for me. I couldn't ask any more from her. Even if it meant I didn't get to see her everyday. But as usual, without asking she helped me, handed me the file on Bucky. Hadn't even needed to ask.

I didn't see her for a year. Didn't hear from her for a year. It was like she just... vanished. But she never really left. Not really. I could still remember what it felt like to have my arm around her shoulder. I remember her perfume, it was complex, undefinable. I remember her lips on mine, no that wasn't right, I was haunted by her lips on mine. Just for a moment, on an escalator...

How green her eyes had been in the truck on the way to New Jersey...

" _Where did Captain America learn how to steal a car?" She asked nonchalantly._

 _"Nazi Germany; and we are borrowing, take your feet off the dash." I answer without really looking at her._

 _I can feel her eyes on me as she slowly pulls her legs back. For such a compact woman, her legs seemed to go on for days in those jeans. I blink, shifting in the drivers seat._

 _Suddenly she locks her eyes on me, and I know she is going to speak. "Alright, I have a question for you. Oh, which you do_ _ **not**_ _have to answer… but I feel if you don't answer it though you are kinda answering it, ya know?—"_

 _She's rambling? Really? Natasha? "What?!"_

 _"Was that your first kiss since 1945?" Instantly my throat closes. Not what I was expecting._

 _I feel the blush burning on the back of my neck, "That bad, huh?"_

 _"I didn't say that!"_

 _"Well, it kinda sounds like that is what you were saying." God, I just want to throw myself out of the truck._

 _"No, I didn't - I mean" I glance at her, she's stuttering? "-I just wondered how much practise you had…"_

 _"You don't need practise!" I shake my head. Only Natasha would come up with something like that._

 _"Everybody needs practise." I can see her roll her eyes at me. Why does she have to be so casual about everything?_

 _"It was not my first kiss since nineteen forty-five I'm ninety-five not dead." I can feel the heat in my face and pray the blush isn't visible. That was all I needed. And no, it wasn't my first kiss, but I didn't think that on closer inspection, Natasha would count hysterical fans running up to me and catching me off guard as real kisses. No, hers had been real. I had felt it through my whole body. I hadn't felt a kiss like that since-_

 _Instantly my mind freezes. The one person I try to actively not think about unless I am with her. Then I open that box. I glance at Natasha who is watching me closely. It's hard to think of what Peg would think of Natasha. They are too opposite, like trying to fit them in the same world was impossible. Like they couldn't share the same space._

 _"No body special then?" She asks, her voice is light, but her eyes look…. Something is different about them, they are closed off or something. I don't know her well enough to recognize it._

 _"Ha! Believe it or not it's hard to find someone with shared life experience," I say in an effort to lighten the mood._

 _"Aw, that's alright," She shrugs, "ya just make something up," Then she is back to being cavalier Natasha in a blink of an eye. Pretending like she isn't a person or something._

 _"What, like you?" It comes out harsher than I mean for it to._

 _She looks away from me, out the windshield, out her window, anywhere but at me. Her words sound hollow, haunted. "Oh, I dunno, truth is a matter of circumstance. It's not all things, to all people, all the time." Her voice is hypnotic as she speaks. I glance at her from the corner of my eye. She shrugs a small cocky smile on her lips, "Neither am I,"_

 _I feel sad for her, a deep heart ache kind of sad. I may not know her intimately, but I just seem to know she deserves better. "That's a tough way to live."_

 _"It's a good way to not die though," I want to shake my head but I don't. How is it that this is her reality? Someone who only an hour ago could pass as an excited twenty-something year old fiancé._

 _"Ya know it's kinda hard to trust someone, when you don't know who that someone really is." I am throwing out an olive branch, I can't help but feel my breath catch in my throat as I wait for her answer._

 _"Yeah," She looks at me, her big beautiful green eyes huge. "Who do you want me to be?" She asks, and her voice. It sounds vulnerable to me, but that could be my mind just playing tricks. Hearing what it wants to._

 _"How 'bout a friend?" I ask her lightly. Start small right?_

 _Her voice goes hard, hollow, like armour has come up around her suddenly, "Well, there is a chance you might be in the wrong business, Rogers."_


	6. 6: Steve

**A/N:** Hi all, hope you enjoyed the last chapter with a glimpse at Steve's point of view. We are gonna stick with Steve for this chapter and try to understand what he is going through as we leave **Winter Soldier** behind and head to **Age of Ultron**. In this chapter we will also be meeting my OC Madeline. Her appearance may seem a bit random but you will see... lol. More about Madeline at the end of the chapter! Anyway enough chatting, here is another chapter hope you enjoy! -Cat

 ** _Chapter Six_**

 _Steve_

Then (over a year since Washington) all of a sudden, there she was.

Natasha was wearing a gold gown, the material looked like liquid metal. The neckline was high, right at the base of her neck, but just as a photographer called her name, she turned, and my breath caught in my throat as I see the dress is completely backless. My reaction to her after all this time, is shocking. I find she has the exact same hold on me she always had.

I can't take my eyes off her. She is smiling at Clint, laughing at something he said. Of course, he is her date to the Gala. The Smithsonian has opened a new exhibit as an addition to the Captain America one. It encompasses the whole Avengers team and we are pretty much all here, aside from Thor and Banner.

Her hair is twisted up at the back of her head, a mass of deep red curls, tiny sparks of gold catching the lights every so often in this lighting. I am trying to let her go. She doesn't want me. It's obvious. But I just can't seem to shake her. It's an uncomfortable attraction. Like standing on the edge of a cliff and never quite being able to get my balance. All I want for her is to be happy. And I know, for a fact, that I am not that for her.

"Hot damn!" I glance at Sam, _my_ date for the evening. "Black Widow cleans up!" He says smacking me on the back.

I can't help but chuckle, "She looks nice, if that's what you getting at."

Sam looks at me and raises an eyebrow scoffing, " 'Looks _nice_?'!" He mocks me, "Man, you must be blind if you think _that_ looks nice. _That_ my friend is life changing."

"Ha!" I bark out a slightly awkward laugh and an older couple walking by glare at me. I clear my throat and I realize Sam is looking at me expectantly, "What?" I ask shrugging, suddenly feeling very confined in my tuxedo.

"That is all you have to say? 'Ha'?"

I shrug again, "Romanoff never looks…. She is always…" I clear my throat feeling warmth creep up the back of my neck. "Yes, she looks good...amazing," I take a breath to try and think of something to say as my new friend holds me under scrutiny. I have no idea what he is after. And in that exact moment, Natasha looks up.

She looks up, across the room, past all the people and her green eyes look directly into mine. A small smile pulls at the corner of her lips as she sees me. As if she is actually genuinely happy to see me. I let my breath escape, "Heart stopping." I say simply, finishing the thought.

"Hehehe!" Sam chuckles, doing some sort of strange shuffle on the spot. I blink away from Natasha to glance at him, he looks up at me smiling, positively giddy. I have no idea what has gotten into him, "Well?" He says, again, expectantly. I really don't know what he expects of me.

"Well, what?" I ask. Surely he doesn't think there is something going on with me and Nat? He's obviously smarter than that.

Sam rolls his eye, letting his shoulder drop in an exaggerated sigh, "Why don't you go over there and just tell her-"

"Ahh, here they are, the conquering heroes!" I send up a silent thank-you as the one and only Tony Stark ambles over and interrupts Sam.

"Tony!" I say brightly, excited to get the conversation as far away from Natasha and Sam's apparent match-making efforts as possible.

"And this must be the amazing Falcon! Looking to join the team, kiddo?" Tony says smiling brightly at Sam.

Sam scoffed, shaking his head, "Nah, I'm just down with the Cap, nothing to crazy for this one." He puts a hand on his chest as he shakes his head.

"Well, no one said we couldn't try and seduce you over to our side," Tony says with a wicked smile on his lips. "We've got a Jet, a nice one, and a tower, amazing entertainment centre!" Sam simply chuckles and shakes his head, "Cap'n," Tony says pretending to salute me. I roll my eyes, "Was wondering if I could steal you away for a moment?"

Sam glares at me from where Tony can't see, but I purposefully do not look in his direction. "Sure thing," I put my hands in my pockets and purposefully walk away from Sam, head down.

"How's your night going?" Tony asks in a pointed way.

I shrug, "Oh, as good as can be expected, being honoured. It never gets more comfortable, you know?"

Tony glances at me, shakes his head, "No, I don't have that issue." I roll my eyes as he walks forward, "Someone here I want you to meet."

My heart skips a beat, oh no. Not Tony too. Suddenly, before I can stop him he is waving across the gala floor and a girl turns around and looks over at us. Oh god, please let the floor just swallow me right now.

She _is_ beautiful, that is a fact. She is wearing a long green gown, that wraps around her petite figure. She has long glossy blonde hair down one shoulder, and big, warm, brown eyes. Her eyes go directly to Tony, barely glancing at me as we come to stand beside her.

"Ah there she is, been looking everywhere for you! Cap'n this is my niece Madeline Wayne, Maddy, this is the one and only Steve Rogers." Tony beams between the two of us, with the same expression he uses when he has just made his own point perfectly.

I glare at Tony, knowing exactly what he is up to. He had mentioned his niece was coming to the Gala, I thought she would be more like a female version of Tony, and that she definitely is not. But then I remember the poor girl is glancing between us, looking slightly surprised, and I realize it isn't her fault my teammates seem to be terrified I am going to die alone, so I smile at her. I reach out and take her hand to shake.

She instantly smiles back at me, "Pleasure to meet you Steve, my uncle had told me great things."

"Ha," I scoff, "I'm not so sure about that, but it's nice of you to say." I say chuckling.

"Oh, Cap, yee of little faith." Tony staggered like he had been hit. I take a deep breath but Madeline seems amused by his antics.

"Your uncle, on the other hand, has not stopped singing your praises." Which is the truth. Tony loves to brag about his prodigy niece, Dr. Wayne.

"Really? How 'bout that."

"Oh," Tony suddenly burst out. "Is that Natasha calling me? Crying out about her undying love for me? Gotta go guys, keep talking, joking, generally having a great time." He nudges me with his elbow as he walks away and it's all I can do not to throttle him, and I can't help but watch him walk away towards Nat.

But then I remember the poor girl in front of me and my head swivels around to look back down at Madeline, "I'm sorry Dr. Wayne, it would seem you are the latest victim of finding me a date, the newest mission for the Avengers evidently." I smile, hoping it comes off bashful, opposed to creepy.

Madeline blinks before blushing, like she hadn't understood what that introduction had meant, "Oh, oh god. Sorry. My Uncle is completely clueless." She shrugged, blushing almost as deeply as I can. Maybe I am not the only lost puppy people are trying to find homes for and I instantly feel empathy towards the girl.

"Oh, don't worry about it. It would seem my team mates are springing women on me, whenever I least expect it. Have to say, I am pretty flattered I have been raised to relative clearance." The joke is received well and she giggles. She really is pretty. Seems nice too, well, as far as super genius Stark's go.

"Honestly that is flattering, when I was seven I told my uncle I had a boyfriend in my grade two class. He flew to the poor guys birthday party and made a big show of blowing up the bouncy castle while holding eye contact with the kid." Madeline sighed, "Oh and please call me Madeline."

 **A/N:** Hope you enjoyed this chapter, more is coming soon. If you are interested in Madeline or would like to read her side of the night of the gala check out my other story, **All Pieced Together** , which you can of course find through my profile. It is my other Captain America fanfic, even though it is also a cross over. Hope you check it out and let me know what you think, and please let me know what you think of this chapter and the contrast to the inner dialogues of Steve and Natasha.


	7. 7: Steve

**A/N:** Hi all, thanks for the reviews! To _Witchcraft12,_ glad you like my OC, always stressful introducing someone new, so happy for the positive feedback. I don't want to spoil anything, Madeline does have a part in this story but I won't get into it right now, you will just have to keep reading ;) however if you do want to know more about her motives and her side of the interactions with Steve check out my other story **All Pieced Together.** But for the record I will say that my ultimate OTP is Romanogers super hard core, no matter what may stand in their way. Hope you enjoy this next chapter and keep reading!

 ** _Chapter Seven_**

 _Steve_

I smile at her, "Thanks, I will." I swallow glancing around the room. I see Natasha, of course, my eyes seem to constantly zero in on her location in a room, whether I want them to or not. She is talking to Fury by the bar, and seems to be absorbed in their conversation. I swallow and turn my attention back to Madeline. "So, I guess you are used to all this…." I wave around the room. I glance back at her, "Being a Stark and all."

She shrugged, "Honestly, this isn't usually my kind of thing. Work takes up pretty much all of my time."

I can't help but laugh, "Huh, a Stark who likes to work?" She laughs good naturally, but I watch her intrigued at her genuineness, "Never met one who wasn't a fan of a party though."

She seemed to be a bit uncomfortable by my statement, then her expression cleared and she looked at me smiling brightly, "Of course, you knew my grandfather."

And that is when it hits me, she looks startlingly like Maria Stark. I can't help but smile back at Madeline brightly, a seemingly ancient memory goes through my mind, "Yes, yes I did."

* * *

I made my way back into the main foyer. Madeline had gotten a text from her lab and had to rush out. She was nice. Very different from Tony. Maybe a bit odd, but nice all the same. She was very… detached. But sweet.

I wander over to the bar and nod at the bartender. Leaning against the bar, I let my mind wander back to seeing Madeline in the old Captain America exhibit. I feel... shaken from it somehow. I had been called away from her to give and obligatory hello and when I returned she was gone, and the old exhibit was where I eventually found her again. I found myself more intrigued by her than most of the party. She had been standing in front of the etched glass memorial for Bucky.

 _"Here you are," I hadn't been trying to startle her but still she nearly jumped out of her skin._

 _"Oh god," Madeline turned to look at me with a surprised yet genuinely open expression. I stop, putting my hands up as much as I can while holding the champagne glasses I had grabbed off a waiter in the main room._

 _"Sorry, didn't mean to spook you," I said sending her an apologetic half smile._

 _"No, no it's fine, I have just been on edge all day. Stress with... work." She smiles up at me as she speaks, "I just needed a break from the people."_

 _I am caught off guard by her honest answer. Something I find I get less and less from people in my life. I hand her a glass of champagne even though I want something stronger. "Tell me about it." I look up at my old friends face and feel like I am seeing right through it._

 _I see her look back at the display, "Do you miss him?" She asked quietly. Considering I was just thinking about how he was out there somewhere, this person I didn't know anymore..._

 _I look down at my shoes feeling slightly numb, "Uh, heh, yeah. Yeah I do." I feel her eyes on me, watching me, waiting. "He was my best friend," I look at her, "Had him when I had no one else."_

 _Her eyes look shockingly pained at my words. Like she wants to cry at what I said or something. She is the exact opposite of Tony. Sure she might be just as smart as him, but she was really nothing like him. I blink, realizing she was studying my face like a puzzle she wants to crack, "Madeline? Are you alright?" I asked stepping towards her, I let my hand rest lightly on her arm._

 _Madeline had blinked shaking her head, "Oh yes, I'm fine, I just-" She looked upset but like she was trying to hide it. Suddenly her phone started to beep in her purse and instantly she was completely distracted, her face wiped clear as if at the touch of a button, "I'm sorry, it might be work."_

 _I smiled. Well, she had the same attention span as Tony, "By all means,"_

 _She had let out this deep breath that apparently she had been holding since she reached for her phone,_ _"I'm so sorry, but it's my lab. One of our formula's we are developing is literally degrading as we speak, I have to get back to the hotel, and link in with them."_

 _It was odd, I knew she is lying. Mainly because she wasn't very good at it. The relief on her face is contradictory to the idea there is some work disaster but at least she wasn't ditching me to simply go back to the party, "No problem. You are trying to save the world's brains, who knows when I am gonna need your help." I joke, she had giggled in this breathy slightly awkward way. She really was an anomaly, this girl who was so unusual, "Do you want me to go get Tony for you?" I asked._

 _"No!" I feel my eyebrow raise at her vehemence, "No, thanks, but he will honestly just get in the way. Biomechanics was never his strong suit, but somehow when it comes to me, he seems to assume he knows all."_

 _"Yeah, that isn't just with you." We both laughed. "It was a pleasure to meet you, Madeline," I offer to shake her hand but she just looks at it like she doesn't quite know what to do. Like she is having this internal struggle about something and just as I am about to ask if she really is ok (because it looked like she was going to burst out crying) but before I get the chance, she stepped forward into me and wrapped her arms tightly around me in a shockingly strong hug._

 _"No, it was_ my _pleasure," I had blinked, slowly hugging her back, but then I heard it, quietly like she hadn't meant for me to hear it. "I'm sorry,"_

 _She stepped back out of my arms so I ask, "Sorry about what?"_

 _Madeline hadn't even hesitiated, "Your friend," She looked at Bucky portrayed in glass._

 _"Yeah, me too." I am still confused by her sentiment, but then again it was something people just say, "Can you get back to the hotel safely?" I had asked looking down at her petit frame._

 _Madeline smiled up at me, instantly changing gears again into blatant over confidence, "Oh yeah, I got that covered."_

I shake my head, what is it with the people in my life? Can nothing be normal, or expected? Or simply genuine?

"Hey there stranger," Someone nudges me with their shoulder as they sidle up to me.

I turn smiling at the voice to see Natasha smiling up at me, leaning on the bar beside me. "Hey, yourself." The bartender drops off the scotch in front of me.

Natasha looks at my drink and raises her eyebrows, "Ooooh, I'll have one of those." She smiles. I realize just how opposite anything with her is from the interaction I just had with Madeline. More complicated. I feel more engaged, which in turn I don't know if I like. It's different from what I thought I would want.

I can't help but smile down at her and that maybe is the biggest difference between her and Madeline. With Madeline I was constantly trying to figure her out understand what she wanted, with Natasha it is always...effortless. Even if I didn't have control, I never had to try when I was with Natasha. I turn and nod at the bartender pointing at my drink, then signalling I wanted another, "Long night?" I ask.

She shakes her head, "Fury keeps pestering me. And the photographers are..." She takes a deep breath before sighing her final word, " _Everywhere_."

I smile at Nat, but she can't see me because she is staring intently down as she tears up a cocktail napkin with her painted red nails, "I am sure they are tracking you down." She glances up at me from the corner of her eye, shaking her head.

"So it would seem." She raises her eyebrows as her drink appears. "Double, very nice, Cap'n." She nods at me taking a sip. Her brows clench together for the merest of seconds before subtly biting her lower lip, she looks up at me, "You've been busy this evening." My brow furrows and I look at her not knowing what she means, was she talking about me speaking to Madeline? But she shifts tracks, "No Nurse Sharon, I see," She looks around the ballroom. Her eyes fall on Sam still chatting to the Vice-President, "See you managed to find a hot date though," She smiles up at me.

I realize how much I missed her, it's startling. "Yeah, I'm a lucky guy." I roll my eyes, and she is still beaming up at me. Just being around her makes me feel better but at the same time I feel like I am under a thousand pounds. But somehow I don't care, it's a weight I can bare. Besides if I could keep it off her shoulders, I would bare the world on mine.

"Seriously though, no dice with Sharon?" She asks raising an eyebrow, looking at me intently her eyes slightly narrowed.

I shake my head "Too busy," I say, she chuckles and I wonder if she was thinking back to a conversation on the helicopter before the Lumerian Star. I look across the room at Barton and Tony joking together, "How's Clint?" I ask.

Natasha shakes her head, "Oh, he's fine," She raised her eyebrows keeping it vague. I try not to over analyze their relationship. They were friends, best friends. Colleagues. Still I can't quite figure it out... And it irritates me how much that bothers me. Not understanding her ties to him.

I watch her, "How's the new cover coming?"

She shrugs, "Oh, as good as can be expected."

I decide to go out on a limb, "Ya know, if you were ever getting tired of finding yourself, there is always a room at the Tower."

She looks up at me coyly from under her lashes, "You starting to miss me, Cap?"

I chuckle, hoping my blush is hidden by the low lighting over the bar, "You _are_ irreplaceable." I can't help it, it slips out before I can stop it.

Natasha looks up at me suddenly, her eyes huge. I am surprised to see she looks caught off guard. Nat is never speechless. She opens her mouth to say something, when suddenly Tony swoops down on us, slamming his hands down on our shoulders. "Was a little birdie right in telling me my niece gave you the slip, Cap?"

I jump, so does Natasha, both of us distracted by our little moment. I look at Tony, "Yeah, I think it was a work thing?" I say vaguely remembering Madeline's face when I suggested telling Tony for her.

Tony shakes his head, "All work and no play with that girl, honestly. It's like I didn't have a hand in raising her." He sighs, and looks up at me, "Sooooo, what did you think?" Tony wags his eyebrows at me.

"Uhh," I tug on my collar which feels like it is shrinking. Suddenly, I become very aware of Natasha's eyes on me. She is still smiling, but it has definitely faded on her face, more like a benign, auto-pilot resting face. "She was nice," I answer lamely.

Tony shakes his head, rolling his eyes. "Whatever, I tried. He's impossible." Tony shakes his head at Natasha who instantly smiles brighter at him, chuckling. "Oh and you, Miss Widow. Just got a call from Maria, we are all needed at the Avengers Tower tomorrow, bright and early, so no sneaking off in the middle of the evening."

Natasha shakes her head, "Tony, we have told you, group brunch is never gonna happen,"

"Honestly Natasha, please, a little professionalism." Tony cleared his throat and looked around us to make sure no one is eavesdropping. "It's about the _staff_." We both become serious at the implications of his words. " _So_ , we are gonna finish off the night in style, I am gonna see my niece safely back to Gotham in the morning, then we can all have mimosa's on my plane." He pats us both on the shoulders, smiles, and walks away.

I swallow and look at Natasha. She is watching Tony walk away from us with her brow furrowed. I glance around the room. Hawkeye and Rhodes are joking about something, Fury is deep in talks with the vice president and impressively Sam is having what looks like a rather intimate chat with the vice president's grad student daughter. Eventually, my eyes fall back on Natasha. She is looking at the ground.

"I don't think I can do any more polite banter with these people," I say as a way of getting her attention. She looks up at me and I distinctly see what looks like hope in her eyes and possibly surprise? I lean down on my forearms on the bar, and she leans in conspiratorially, turning to face me, a small smile pulling on her lips. "I don't think I can be in this room while we wait to head out. You wanna get out of here?"

Her smile grows, and I am startled once again by just how shockingly beautiful she is. Usually people only see how hard she is, tough, cause she does have a very hard outer shell. But she really is dazzling. "Really Cap? Play hooky? I didn't think you had it in you."

I raise my eyebrows, shaking my head, "Oh, you have no idea."


	8. 8: Steve

**_Chapter Eight_**

 _Steve_

We are walking down the street back to the Regency, the hotel we are all staying at, eating hotdogs we just bought from a vendor down the street. The party's ridiculously small appetizers having left us both starving.

"It's not the same," I say, shaking my head.

She stops and looks up at me, cheeks stretched from her last gigantic, unladylike mouthful. Her brows furrow and she shakes her head, struggling to swallow.

"What?" I chuckle, shrugging my shoulders.

She final swallows and looks up at me, "How is it any different!? It's a hot dog. Geography has nothing to do with it."

I shake my head, "Nope, can't compare. New York's are better."

She rolls her eyes, "You are just being stubborn."

"No, it's true."

"Hot dogs are hot dogs."

I glance at her as she wipes her hands on the paper napkin. "Naw, if you had a real hot dog in New York you wouldn't say that."

She looks at me, "Oh yeah?"

I nod. I don't know what it is. Whether it's because we are alone, or maybe because she just looks like a regular girl in an evening gown or simply because we are outside but I feel a rush of confidence. I skip ahead of her and walk backwards in front of her, smiling down at Nat, "Tell you what. After we deal with what Tony mentioned, I'll take you out to Coney Island. Get you a _real_ New York hot dog."

She laughs and glances at me from the corner of her eye, "You would do that for me?"

I smile at her, "I take hot dogs very seriously."

"Evidently," She laughs stopping on the sidewalk. She glances across the street and I notice we are already across from the hotel. Huh, seemed further in the limo.

I look at the sidewalk, smoothing my tie down. "So, Coney Island, huh?" She asks, I glance up and notice she is smiling at me, from under her lashes.

"Yeah?" I say raising an eyebrow.

"With the amusement park rides?" I see a park bench out of the corner of my eye and take a chance. I wander over casually and sit down. She glances over at hotel before smiling, and following me over to the bench to sit down beside me.

I smile at her, "Yeah," I shrug.

She nods, hands grasping the edge of the bench rather tightly. She seems a little tense. My brow furrows a little. I don't know why she is so on edge. "I've never been there." She says raising her eyebrows, bashfully.

I do a double take and look at her, "What?" I say shocked. She shrugs, the slightest blush on her cheekbones. Is she blushing? A chink in the armour? Caused by me?! "You mean, that in all this time, you've been stateside, Barton or Fury or Stark, no one ever took you out to Coney Island?"

She giggled, shaking her head, "No, I don't think it was high on their priority lists." She said.

I shake my head looking up at the stars, "They have some odd priorities."

"I've never been to an amusement park at all really,"

I look at her again, "Oh my lord," I can't help but let it slip out.

She looks over her shoulder at me, eyes huge, "What?!"

I lean forward so my elbows rest on my knees. I nudge her shoulder with my own, "What's the point in getting 'out' if you aren't ever gonna live?" I ask quietly.

She meets my eyes, and nudges me back, "Could ask the same thing of you, Steve," I am surprised by her use of my name. It seems, intimate in this setting.

She catches me off guard. I shake my head, looking back at the street. "I guess you got me there." I can feel her eyes on me, watching me, gauging my reaction. Sitting back, I look back at her, her big green eyes dazzling in the streetlight, I shrug, "You know, maybe we could start on Coney-"

Suddenly, her phone rings in her purse on the bench beside her. She blinks at the sudden noise, glances at her purse and then looks back at me, "You were saying?" She asks as if she really doesn't want to be distracted.

I open my mouth, and the phone rings again, "Why don't you get that." I smile at her. What I was saying can wait. Maybe it was stupid. It was probably stupid. She wouldn't be that interested. Although she seemed interested….

She takes a breath, gives a quick nod, and has her phone out of her purse before the third ring, her movements almost a blur. She holds the phone up, her brow furrows. I look out at the street, leaning forward I let my elbows rest on my knees, rubbing my hands together, "Huh, it's….it's Bru- Banner." I glance over my shoulder at her correction and notice the blush on her cheekbones again, I feel my brows pull together slightly. "I better get this."

She stands up and wanders back onto the sidewalk to answer the call. I focus on listening to the street noise instead of her voice. Consciously trying not to listen to her.

I sit back taking a deep breath. What was I about to ask her? Really? I didn't even know. I never felt like I knew what I was doing. Not any more. Not really, ever since Washington. My eyes drifted over to her standing on the curb. I just know that whenever I felt lost, she would just float through my mind. I couldn't even really pinpoint why. But just something in the way she looked at me, like she trusted me to know what to do. She always looked at me like that.

My attention goes back to her when she turned back to me putting the phone down. She was watching her phone very carefully, I smirk at her, "What's up?"

She looks up at me suddenly, her mouth slightly open, like she was caught off guard. Her eyes meet mine. She smiled at me, quickly just a small one. "Bruce was trying to get in touch with Tony, about the staff. Wants me to ask Tony to call the Tower when he gets back to the hotel." I nod standing up again. It would seem my moment passed me by, "Steve?" I amble up to stand beside her.

I look down at her and smile, "Yeah?"

She opens her mouth to say something, stepping up to me, her hand reaches up and rests on my arm. Her eyes fall onto her hand on my arm and she stops, freezes, like a deer in the headlights. Like she is surprised by her own movement.

"Nat?" I turn to face her full on. My other hand comes up to her shoulder, "What's up?"

Her eyes dance from her hand to my hand on her shoulder, then up to my face. She looks confused, my brow furrows and suddenly her face is wiped clean and she smiles at me taking a deep breath, "Thank you for walking me back to the hotel."

I look into her eye and I find myself wanting to just kiss her but something stops me. A nagging negative voice deep in my chest, coming from a younger, smaller, weaker version of myself. I smile at her, "Anytime," She doesn't want me. A fossil from another age. I have nothing she is interested in. And just like that Coney Island is forgotten.


	9. 9: Steve

**A/N:** Hi all, hope you are enjoying the story, just about to dive in to **The Avengers: Age of Ultron.** I want to try and keep events as close to the movies as possible. With that being said, I hope you enjoy the next chapter. -Cat

 ** _Chapter Nine_**

 _Steve_

The following afternoon we set off, the whole team back together. We begin a long month of breaking down the last leg of Hydra.

It all culminated at the Fort in Sokovia.

Now we are on the jet home, and I am looking down at Loki's Sceptre. Finally, in our hands again. I stand beside Thor and try and focus on what he is talking about but my eyes kept being drawn to Nat, crouching in front of Banner.

I've been watching them since the night this started. I try not to but I can't help it. I watch her watching him. Getting closer to him. Talking to him. They seem to have a bond. A connection I can't understand. No, that isn't true. I understand it too well. I had it once, but got cheated out of it. And thought, I _hoped,_ I had it again... Looks like I missed my chance, even if I was too chicken to take it.

"Thor, report on the Hulk?" Nat asks over her shoulder. I feel her eyes glance at me but I keep looking at the staff, I don't want to see her trying to make him feel better. It's petty and small, but I don't care. I awkwardly listen to Thor make Banner feel even worse. And roll my eyes. Ah yes, our team. Us unlikely heroes.

* * *

We are back in New York in the Tower. Safe and sound. Celebrating even.

I stand at the end of the bar and watch as Natasha mixes herself and Bruce martinis. The night has actually been fun. A hopeful end to one adventure. But now I am left with the cold hard truth of the matter. That while we have been putting down Hydra, Bruce and Natasha have grown close. Closer than I have ever managed but bitterly, I know I only have myself to blame.

Seems strange that I could spend so much time watching a person and not actually _see_ them. Or what they do. I wanted to get her attention, hold it forever but I can't. I don't know why and it makes me feel angry, frustrated. Then guilty, because I have no right to feel that way. She isn't mine, I don't own her.

I watch her walk away from him, past the end of the bar, and see Bruce staring after her like a man who spent too long looking at the sun. I know how he feels.

But she seems….happy…

"That's nice," I say, trying to get his attention.

Bruce blinks and his eyes dart between me and Natasha's retreating figure, "What…. what is?" He stutters.

"You and Romanoff," I clarify. The poor guy, she does have him wound up.

"No! We haven't- That wasn't-" He stands up from the bar instantly flustered.

"It's ok," I chuckle, "Nobody is breaking any bylaws." I think of Natasha and all my collective time spent with her. I have no right to feel the way I do about her, I look up at Banner, "It's just she's not the most open person in the world, but with you she seems very relaxed." Something, I could never achieve. I think about her, all that time ago outside the hotel after the Gala. How tense she was...

"Naw, Natasha, she's just- she likes to flirt." He mumbles shaking his head.

Either he really is this oblivious or he doesn't know how lucky he is. I shake my head reaching over the bar for another beer, finding myself wishing my metabolism wasn't so damn fast because the idea of being numb is very appealing at this moment, "I've seen her flirt, up close." I think of all those moments, glimpse, pieces of time I go over and over, none of it is like when she is with Banner, like she believes it..."This _ain't_ that."

Bruce looks conflicted.

I swallow, "Look," I want her to be happy, even if I can't give it to her, ultimately I know that. I don't want her to be alone, "As maybe the world's leading authority on waiting to long, don't." I look at him and Banner is looking at the ground thinking about my words. He probably thinks I'm talking about Peggy, of course he doesn't know I am talking about Natasha. I don't need him too, I don't want him to. "You both deserve a win." I say as he looks up.

Bruce is a good guy. He will do right by Nat. He is a _good_ guy. Which makes the agonizing jealousy in my chest even more shameful. I can't hold his eyes. Suddenly. I wonder where Thor is with his powerful booze. I think I have earned a win now too. Or at least to possibly forget tonight.

Little did I know our world was about to implode...


	10. 10: Natasha

_**Chapter Ten**_

 _Natasha_

 _"I had this, um, dream. The kind that seems normal at the time but when you wake…"_

 _"What did you dream?"_

 _"That I was an avenger, that I was anything more than the assassin they made me,"_

I am in Clint's house. A place that I know as a home, full of love, a place I usually feel safe. But right now I am left feeling distinctly vulnerable, that little witches... whatever it was, still spinning cobwebs in my mind. Bruce had just left the room after our conversation that only leaves me feeling more confused and conflicted. Like I am in the middle of a storm and don't know which way to run.

I sit on my own. In one of the spare bedrooms filled with the kids toys. Alone. As usual. I have somehow ended up alone, once again. Maybe that is my super power.

There is a light knock on the door. I turn, my damp hair brushing over my shoulders from my cold shower. Clint ambles casually into the room.

His eyes fall on me and he sends me an empathetic smile, "How ya doing?" He asks.

I shrug, "I'll survive." Because that is what I do. Through it all. I survive.

He nods, not needing to pry into what I mean. Understanding that I have no desire to talk about it. Otherwise I would. That is why Clint Barton has remained my best friend for all these years. "Hey," He says, trying to distract me? "Laura said the damnedest thing just now," He wanders over and absent-mindedly picks up a toy from the floor. I know it is something he really wants to discuss with me because of his overly casual demeanour.

"Oh yeah? About the dinning room project? I thought you'd be done by now too." I say jokingly putting on the sweater I had in my bag from the jet.

"Naw, she just suggested there was something going on between you and Banner, of all people." Clint turned to face me, leaning back on the windowsill. "You wanna tell my why my wife has that impression?"

So, _not_ trying to distract me. Instead, poking at my soft underbelly of things I actually _don't_ feel like discussing. I shrug not meeting his eyes, "Maybe she is more observant than you." I say quietly.

"See, what confuses me, is I don't remember the book ever closing on, uh, _Steve_?" God, his eyes are pretty much boring into my soul he is watching me so closely. "What happened there Nat?"

Of course he knows about how I feel about Steve. Even if we haven't really discussed it. But his eyes miss nothing, as per usual, even my deepest, most shameful secret. I shrug standing up. "Nothing... nothing ever _would_ happen. There was no book to begin with." I look at him, a cavalier half smile pulling at my mouth. I shrug casually. "Nothing to discuss."

Clint shakes his head at me, walking over to stand in front of me, his arms crossed. "I know you Nat, and I know there was something going on with you when it came to the Cap."

I shake my head, "Well, you're wrong," I snap.

He scoffs, "Really? This is how you wanna play this? Just lie to me when you know I am right?"

I glare at him, "It isn't that simple-"

"Make it that simple, explain it to me." He barks back at me equally as fierce, and I am caught off guard by the fact he won't just let it drop. This isn't how we do things, this isn't how _I_ do things... I don't discuss feelings, possibilities... It's childish. So I find myself floundering, trying to think of something to say back.

"We have nothing in common." It sounds lame but it is the first thing that comes into my mind.

"Oh and you and Banner do?" He scoffs.

"More than me and Steve," I hiss at him dodging around him, pacing around the room, feeling trapped. "I mean," I can't seem to stop the words from just tumbling out of my mouth. "He is just so," I stop at the window for the briefest of moments, Steve is out front chopping fire wood with Tony, of course that is what he is doing. I shake my head turning away from the window, "He doesn't see me. He never will... Bruce knows what it is to be - damaged. To be broken."

Clints brow furrows like I am being ridiculous. "I think you are making a pretty big assumption about the Cap, there six shooter."

"This isn't a joke Clint, Bruce is a good man. He sees me." Or at least I thought he did. Maybe I was wrong, after what he had said just now...

"I'm not saying he isn't Nat, I'm just saying-" Clint catches up with my pacing. "If you want to be with Steve... you should at least talk to him. Give him the benefit of the doubt."

I scoff, shaking my head, "Are you crazy? No. You have no idea. This isn't you and Laura, it isn't that simple."

Clint crosses his arms in a very big brother way, which irritates and intimidates me at the same time, "So, you are just gonna shelf what you have for Cap and settle for Bruce? Cause the poor guy really deserves that on top of everything else he deals with-"

"No! I wouldn't be settling, it isn't like that." I snap back, irritated he would make me sound so awful.

"Well, please, Nat, explain it to me?"

I glare at him, "I don't want to be alone anymore!" The words seem to echo around the room. They just sort of burst out of me. I look away from Clint' s eyes, which instantly look so very sad for me. "I'm tired… of being… alone. And there is nothing about me that Steve Rogers wants. Not really. SO, to avoid the painful embarrassment of holding my breath for something that is never going to happen, I am choosing life. I'm sorry if you don't think I deserve that." The last bit was overly dramatic but I don't care.

I move to storm out of the room but Clint catches my arm as I go to walk by him. "Nat," His voice is gentle and it makes me hesitate. "You know I think you do. You wouldn't be here if I didn't. But I think you need to give yourself enough credit to go for what you really want. You may be surprised."

I scoff, "Life never surprises me."

I feel his eyes on me but I leave mine trained on the door. An escape, "If you gave it a chance, it just might." He lets his hand drop.

"I won't hold my breath." With that I stride from the room.

A/N: Hello all, hope everyone is having a happy holidays! Back after a bit of a break, and also back with Nat's point of view again. I hope I am getting the narratives right, and making their thought process different enough. Hope you enjoyed this chapter as we head completely into **Age of Ultron**. I minimized the Nat/Bruce convo, as I was originally going to type out the whole thing including her thought process but I didn't want to get to weighted down in Nat + Bruce. It is part of the story line so I am choosing to not ignore it or AU it away (Believe me, I understand why some people do though) But I thought it was a genuine conversation between Nat and Bruce and I didn't want to water it down or over complicate it with pulling Steve into it too much. I want Steve and Nat to be as stand alone as possible even if there are speed bumps along the way, as life always tends to have. Hope you enjoyed, more to come soon. -Cat


	11. 11: Natasha

**A/N:** Hey guys, just a short one, but hope you enjoy all the same -Cat

 **Chapter Eleven**

 _Natasha_

I stumble down the stairs, wanting to get away from Clint. Clint and his _stupid_ ideas. I needed to get away. I needed to get some air. I feel like I can't breathe, like the walls are coming in on me.

I start to rush, feeling the stairs in my best friends home flash back to another set of stairs. A dark part of my memories that I never look at, that are locked in an air tight box in my mind that I never open. I want to panic but I can't. I won't. It's in my head, that little witch controlling me. I won't let her win. I won't be weak. I shake my head, and as I do the front door opens; I hesitate, momentarily distracted, before it swings open all the way.

And there he is.

There's Steve, standing there. Sun pouring in behind him. He looks up at me, in his jeans and blue t-shirt. He looks so at home here. Like he could just fit perfectly into this life. On the farm, a husband, a father. It's me that didn't fit. I was the monster who didn't belong. Who would tear it all down, leaving everyone crying in my wake. Scenes that have recently been forced into my mind remind me of just how different I am from him. Something the girl in the gold dress outside the hotel talking to the boy in the tuxedo all those months ago was almost stupid enough to forget.

I feel my vision narrow and my breath come quicker. I feel the flashback on the verge of over taking me again. Lights burst in front of my eyes like angry fireworks. I shake my head and over balance. I slip on the second to last step and feel myself fall forward.

But within an instant, before my reflexes can even save me, he's there. Steve grabs me as I fall against his chest. I look up into his eyes and blink. He looks back at me, then we both breath again and step away from each other. Spell broken. I look at him from the step he placed me back on and he is looking up at me. "You ok?" He asks me.

I open my mouth to answer but I hesitate when I look into his eyes, my brow furrows, "I could ask you the same thing," I see the storm behind the blue of his eyes and I feel my heart clench with worry. Maybe he doesn't fit here... or at least maybe not as well as I think? But in a blink of an eye I remember the girl, and wonder what nightmares were forced to roam around Steve Rogers head.

He smiles in a sad way and looks down at the ground, _"_ Same old Nat _,"_ He mumbles more to his chest than to me. He turns and walks into the living room. I don't know what he means by that. The fog still heavy in my mind.

I follow him, close on his heels, "Steve. Wait," He hesitates, and I put my hand on his arm. "Are you sure you're ok?" He looks so upset, so confused, so lost. It isn't like Steve at all. And I find I'm afraid for him.

He looks from my hand back to up to me, "I'll be fine Natasha." He says quietly. I feel breathless in his presence, at his use of my name. Like I am under a spell and can't control myself at all. I hold his eyes and step closer to him, open my mouth to say something that is surely going to be ridiculous. Clint's delusional words loud in my head. But I never get the chance...

Because it is just a moment. And like all things it is breakable and in an instant the spell is broken.

"Look who I found out in the barn," Instantly I step back, away from Steve and it is like cold air swopping in around me. Tony's voice comes from the door way and both Steve and I turn to face the door to see Tony walk in followed by Nick Fury.


	12. 12: Natasha

**A/N:** Hi all, here with the next chapter with a couple of memories for Natasha, hope you enjoy her side of part of Chapter Eight! Also, check out the Easter egg at the end of the chapter ;) Hope you enjoy a little more Steve/Nat development. -Cat

 **Chapter Twelve**

 _Natasha_

 _"You know, maybe we could start on Coney-" He was interrupted by my cellphone ringing. Which he insisted I answer, and like an idiot I do. Why didn't I just let him keep talking? Because I am an Avenger and what if the world needed saving?_

 _I take the call, it's Bruce from the Tower. His voice is soft and gentle on the phone, yet still excited, like he is enjoying what he is working on. Why come to a gala opening at the Smithsonian when you can tinker in a lab? We've talked a few times since I got back stateside. I keep feeling like Tony is throwing us together, getting Bruce to ask me questions or get in touch with me, when anyone on our team could give him the answers, but it's nice. Nice to be talked to. But right now it all feels wrong and confusing because Steve is sitting on the park bench behind me, and everything was going... Well, I don't know where it was going..._

 _"Thanks Nat...I'll..I'll see you soon." Bruce says through the phone, as goodbye. And I feel an uncomfortable swooping sensation in my stomach at his words which seem to imply he is looking forward to seeing me._

 _"Yeah...you too," I say before hanging up. I stare at my phone in my hand unsure of what's going on now._

 _"What's up?" Steve's voice interrupts my thoughts and I look up at him caught off guard. I see him, sitting on the bench, looking at me, a smirk pulling at one corner of his mouth. He looks so perfect, sitting there in his tux, with his clean cut hair and his bright blue eyes._

 _I smile at him because he makes me smile but I still hold back, because no one wants to be the crazy girl grinning like an idiot. "Bruce was trying to get in touch with Tony, about the staff. Wants me to ask Tony to call the Tower when he gets back to the hotel." He nods and stands up off the bench and as soon as he does, I see it. The change in his demeanour, the sag in his shoulders. And I am not sure when it happened but something changed, from a moment ago, and I feel like it is my fault. Which it is. Because a moment ago when we were walking and talking, and eating those stupid hotdogs, it felt like it was just us. No one else to worry about, no past to complicate things, just us in a happy little bubble. Then my phone rang and the bubble burst, and the whole world tumbled back in on us. And it reminds me just who we are, who we are really. And I want that not to be true, I want to go back to how it was a few moments ago, "Steve?"_

 _He looks down at me and smiles, and his face is just so kind it takes my breath away, "Yeah?"_

 _And it is like I am caught on a crazy gust of wind, and I step up to him and just know I am gonna say something stupid like, 'Will you take me? To Coney Island?' Or something even worse like 'I love you' it would be so simple, easier than taking a breath. And I find my hand reaching out and it rests on his arm. I feel the smooth tuxedo jacket under my fingertips, I can feel the fabric rubbing against his French cuff shirt underneath it, I feel the steely foundation of his bicep and it is like electricity shooting through my body. And I can feel the words bubble up in my throat threatening to come out and I feel frozen on the spot because I don't open this box, this box stays closed and here I am about to dump it out into the cold light of day right here on the street in front of the Regency Hotel._

 _He must see my hesitation, "Nat?" He says my name, my nickname and turns to face me, his hand comes up and rests on my shoulders and I feel everything, the calluses on his palm, the warm of his touch, the pulse in his forefinger, I am even aware of the sheer size of his hand, and he looks down at me with concern when he asks, "What's up?"_

 _And I look from my hand to his hand, back up to him, and it's like waking up. I think about all those files that I dumped, that I know he's read. He has read them and still wants me on the team, still wants to be my friend. And I had that once before and nearly lost it, but I didn't because he is Steve and he still wants to talk to me, work with me. Trust me._

 _How can I be stupid enough to risk that again? Why would I jeopardize that? Because I love him? That's silly. Things that hallmark cards and daytime movies are made of. Not real, not my life. There is no knight in shining armour in my story, no dirty-blonde haired, blue eyed hero to sweep me off my feet. Those stories belong to girls who grew up in normal families, have normal lives, blonde girls named Sharon._

 _But he is my friend and that is privilege enough. One I am extremely grateful for._

 _I smile up at him, "Thank you for walking me back to the hotel."_

 _He looks down into my eyes and I see this burning intensity in them. I find myself lost in them, unable to look away even though at this point it is almost like cruelty to dumb animals but then he just smiles back down at me before softly saying, "Anytime,"_

 _I walk into the hotel and he is a couple of steps behind me and as we ride the elevator up to our floor, I find myself day dreaming with him standing beside me, our shoulders so close. I think about meeting him at Coney Island... No, he would pick me up on his motorcycle (It's my daydream after all). We walk around and we laugh a lot, for some reason I just know, we would laugh a lot. I would get cotton candy, because it's the best American thing ever. And we would go on lots of rides because they look fun and I think Steve would make me go on every one at least once. And it would get dark and we would watch everything light up like I have seen in pictures and it would be the perfect day. With the perfect man in the perfect life._

 _The elevator doors open and as we step out of it I leave my dreams behind me, I look at Steve and smile, smile at my friend, "Night Steve,"_

 _He had looked at his shoes when he said, "Night Nat," and we went separate ways down the hallway. And as the elevators doors closed, I let the lid close on Steve's box in my mind. Coney Island tucked away. I feel my throat start to get that fuzzy feeling right before it closes up, same time as the burning begins at the backs of my eyes. And I struggle to put my keycard in and get through the door because I can feel Steve's eyes on my back and I just am desperate to be on my own so my brain can adjust and I can process and get back to reality._

These are the thoughts in my head as I sit in this cell, trying to come up with a plan. Once I had done inventory of what I was locked in with I determined morse code was my best bet. Now I sit here assembling my key to freedom and I think about that night when it was just me and him. I tried thinking about other things but nothing helped. Thinking about the team was a bad idea because it made me feel helpless, thinking about Clint was a bad idea cause then I think about Laura and the kids, and thinking about Bruce is a no go, after our last conversation... I just don't know anymore.

So my mind wanders and lands on that moment, that night, walking home with Steve, talking, laughing. It allows me to focus. I must be a masochist thinking about something I can't have, that is what makes me calm? God. I look over my shoulder at the old HYDRA base. No one is watching me and I start to tap out the call of coordinates.

I sit feeling slightly numb. My mind begins to wander again as I start the third transmission, the code muscle memory now. I think about last night, back at Clint's house, right before we flew out. Everyone was trying to get some shut eye. Although no one really managed it. Tony and Bruce were in a bedroom pouring over data and a laptop, trying to answer every unanswered question. Thor was still gone. Clint was with Laura in their room, and Fury was taking a twenty minute cat nap on the couch. The man could sleep anywhere during anything. I am a strong believer in the idea that he in fact only sleeps in cat nap increments when convenient. I find myself wandering around the house, at a bit of a loose end.

I know I don't want to sleep. Sleep is the last thing I want to do. Nothing about closing my eyes sounds appealing right now. So I wander. Until I find myself on the front porch looking out over the front yard and there he is, our silent guardian evidently. Steve is sitting on the front steps, his elbows resting on his knees, leaning forward.

"Can't sleep?" He asks without turning around. I simply walk up and sit down beside him pulling my cardigan around me tighter.

"Could ask you the same thing?" I ask, nudging him with my shoulder and watching him closely. I can't seem to shake the look I saw in his eyes earlier. The look of such deep sadness.

He smiled looking at the ground before looking back at me from the corner of his eyes, "I asked first,"

I shake my head, "No. I don't want to sleep particularly."

"Can't argue with that."

We sit silently, before I break the silence, "What do you think she did to us?" I stare pointedly at my hands as I talk, not wanting Steve to see just what that girl did, how much she shook me up.

"I dunno," He said the words on the back of a sigh and I find myself looking at him out of the corner of my eye. Steve is looking out over the field in front of us, he still looks tired... Worried. "Showed us fears...vulnerability." He shrugged, "I dunno." He said again shaking his head.

I sit up straight on the step and find myself talking, even though I don't really want to, or at least I didn't think I wanted to. "She showed me memories." I say quietly, my voice going gravelly. And Steve actually looks at me over his shoulder and his eyes look as surprised as I feel. I don't talk about this, I haven't talked about this, not to Clint, not to anyone, least of all Steve! But yet here I sit. I meet his eyes and blink slowly, "It was like I was back there, the Red Room." Suddenly, it seems like a lot and I blink feeling it all coming up around me again. God, when am I gonna shake this? I shake my head and take a breath, "Never wanted to think about it ever again, and yet there I was." I look up into the night's sky feeling exposed. I look at Steve and he is watching me with sad eyes, "You ever encounter anything like her before?"

He shakes his head sitting back to meet my eye-line better, "No, can't say I have."

I nod, "Don't know whether that is a good thing or a bad thing."

Steve swallowed, "Well, she won't have the jump on us again."

"No," I cross my arms, pulling my sweater tighter around myself again. "No, she won't. Dunno how we can fight what is put in our heads though."

"One thing at a time Romanoff," Steve says and I can hear the smile in his voice. I look at him, sending the small smile back.

He meets my eyes and I realize how much he is able to calm me down yet in the same breath he can have me on the edge of my seat. And still, I worry... "You ok Steve?" He smirks and lets his gaze drop to my hands, "Not being chased by too many memories I hope." I think about all the things that could be haunting him and I worry more.

"No," He shakes his head before letting his eyes come back up to mine, "No, I didn't get memories. I think I would have preferred memories honestly." I smirk, not really being able to relate to that, "No," He shifts on the step, "I saw..." He sakes his head as if lost for words. "I don't know, it was like a fear... or a nightmare. I don't know. It just..." He takes a deep breath before sighing, "Left me feeling alone." He looks back at me.

And I stare back into his eyes, because I know that feeling so well. It's how I have felt since I woke up. I reach out without thinking and take his hand that is dangling off his knee in both of mine, "You aren't ya know?" I squeeze his hand.

He slowly looks from my hands wrapped around his and then back up into my eyes. His eyes seem so full, but I can't sift through it fast enough before they twinkle at me, suddenly almost distracted, even if still slightly tinged with sadness, "Nat?" He asks.

I smirk back at him, 'Yeah?" I reply.

"Have you ever been in love?"

He could have slapped me and I would have been less shocked, "Oh now Captain, getting personal are we?" I nudge him with my shoulder and try and casually let go of his hand, wrapping my arms back tightly around myself, _my_ shield.

"It's just a question," He says smiling back at me, and I feel like this is a test. Like there is a right way for this to go and a wrong way. I feel like a deer caught in the headlights, either I dart away and am forgotten or I get hit. I don't know which option leads to what out come. I just feel trapped even behind my cavalier exterior. I look at him from the corner of my eye trying to play coy and thankful for patio light having been turned off already. He shrugged, "You know everything about me, and I don't really know anything about you. Or anyone on the team for that matter." I see him look over his shoulder at the house and understand he is talking about Laura and the kids. "Just thought I would ask."

"Um, you know everything about me," I say shaking my head, knowing just how much of me he knows.

"You're kidding right?"

"Don't play coy Captain," I say quietly, more to the lawn than Steve, "I know you read all those very public S.H.I.E.L.D. files." I take a deep breath and brave a look in his direction but he is already looking at me, his eyes gentle.

"I read the files, Natasha. I know what you did. I don't know you." I feel like I am frozen. "I am just asking about you." He leans forward again, looking out over the front yard.

I shake my head, putting on my most over confident voice "Never had much time for-"

"Don't give me that," He shakes his head and glances at me, "Love isn't just for children, not the love I'm talking about it. And time or not, it happens." He looks down, "Never mind."

I feel like time has stopped. Well, I know I am not gonna say, ' _Yes Steve, as a matter of fact, I have been in love, with you.'_ Because I am not a lunatic. But I know I want to talk to him, because he is my friend and I don't want to jeopardize that and just like a minute ago I find myself wanting to talk to him, to tell him something, a part of me. That he can know, above most others. Bruce flits across my mind but I don't want to bring that up, because I know what I feel for Bruce isn't love. Not, that kind of love...not yet. Ugh, I dunno. Too complicated. Not a good olive branch. And suddenly, vainly, I find myself wondering if that is maybe why he is asking? No. He is probably asking because whatever he saw, from that girl, probably involved Peggy, and he is wondering if I have a frame of reference to that.

I try and let myself relax, I swallow, take a deep breath and then just start, "There was someone." He tenses and looks at me, and I smile at him, "A life time ago. It was from before... before S.H.I.E.L.D.," His brow furrows, like he wasn't expecting that. 'Course not. I smile at him, "First solo mission stateside. Deep cover at Columbia University, physics department."

Steve looks at me and I see the recollection in his eye, "Professor Anatoli?" He asks.

I look down, he _did_ read those files. Thoroughly. "Yes." I look back up at Steve, "And I met this guy. On campus. And he just wouldn't take no for an answer, musta asked me out like six times. I was supposed to appear like a normal American University student, social life and all. So eventually I said yes, because I thought... I don't know what I thought..." I shake my head thinking back. "He was studying law, and wanted to change the world, save it. Very passionate and altruistic. For a while I thought all American men were like him." I smile at Steve, "I learned that wasn't true, present company excluded." Steve scoffed.

"How long were you with him?" He asked gently.

I take a deep breath, "Two and a half months." I say and am surprised by just how accurately I can remember that. I look at Steve, "I hadn't ever had any relationships before, men or women, friendly or romantic. So I didn't really have a gauge for it other than what I had been taught how to mimic. And I don't think what we had was love, per se." I look up into the nights sky, "But it made me feel. He made me feel. Even if it was just to realize that I could." I bit my lower lip as I feel the burning at the back of my eyes and quickly look back down at the step under my feet.

"What was his name?"

"Matthew." I look up at Steve and he is sitting looking right back at me.

"What happened?"

I send him tight lipped smile, "You read the file. I got the information I needed and I finished the job and went home. Gone."

"Did you ever see him again?" Steve asked gently.

I shake my head, "No, by the time Clint got me out, it had been years. And by the time I was anywhere near being around people..." I chuckled, "What was I supposed to do, drop into his life unannounced, 'remember that girl you dated in your first year of university for a couple of months then vanished from your life?' No, I realized that what I got out of it was not what he did. It will just always be something I have... to remember." I meet Steve's eyes, "I don't have a lot of that."

He smiles at me and smirks, "He must have got a shock a couple of years ago, seeing you on the news in New York."

I can't help but laugh, "Well, probably not. Matt was blind."

Steve blinks and looks at me, "Oh," He looks shocked.

I shrug, "Well, I mean, kinda the perfect person for an undercover KGB agent to date, wouldn't you say?"

He doesn't laugh at my corny joke but instead just stares at me shaking his head, "Just when I think I have you figured out..." He says it more to himself than to me and I feel caught off guard unsure of what he means by it.

"What?" I ask hitting him on the shoulder "It's not like that was why I started seeing him." I say self-consciously.

"No, I didn't think that." He says meeting my eyes.

I nodded saying, "Alright then."

We had sat in silence until dawn had started to appear on the horizon and we had gotten up and started to prepare. To come and find Ultron. And now I am here. Alone, and waiting.


	13. 13: Steve

A/N: Hey everyone. Hope you all enjoyed the last chapter, this one alternately is going to be quite a bit shorter, but another update is fast in the coming, so with that said, please enjoy and I hope to hear your thoughts. -Cat

 ** _Chapter Thirteen_**

 _Steve_

Maybe she did see me... She knew I wasn't alright, even when no one else seemed to. And then last night, on Clint's front step... I felt like she actually trusted me with herself. A small, but treasured truth. Something she doesn't give up very easily. But she did. To me.

But in an instant I had to make a choice. I sent Barton on with the cradle to get it to Tony. He kept asking about Nat, but I _had_ to stop the train. And we couldn't let Ultron get the cradle back. Nat and I had barely been able to get it from him in the first place. Besides, I thought I had time, she had been right there. Right beside me on the truck. I thought I could keep up with Ultron but in an instant he was gone...

With her.

And I was the one who made the call. It was me who sacrificed her. I let her down. I should have been there.

We are on the Quinn Jet. About to head in to start the evacuation of Sokovia. I am alone in the hold with Banner, who is putting on his jacket. He is going to follow Thor in with the intention of getting Nat. That is his main focus, main objective. A task I gave him specifically.

He goes to leave the jet when I can't stop myself. We are alone, it's my only chance. I walk towards him, "Bruce," He stops and looks up at me, "Make sure you get her out." I say quickly, breathlessly.

He nods, "Yeah, I'll get Natasha."

"No, when you find her. Get her out. Out of this, out of Sokovia. She's been through enough already, been let down enough." He does a double take and looks at me. I know he is confused, by what I am saying, the implications. But I don't care. I couldn't care less. "Get her clear. I know you have your own motivations to stay away." I take an unwitting step towards him as if to drive my point home. His eyes bulge at my words, evidently shocked by my behaviour. "Please Bruce, it's my fault Ultron has her. I need to know you will look out for her."

He slowly nods, "I - I promise." I nod once at him and then turn walking around him, wanting to start the mission ahead, be distracted from the fact I am sending Bruce to do something I want to.

"Hey Steve...?"

His voice makes me stop, I turn my head but don't turn around all the way. He isn't looking at me anyway, just at the floor. "Yeah?" I ask.

He opens his mouth to say something and then stops as if second guessing himself. "Nothing." Maybe he doesn't want to know. Maybe he prefers to _not_ know. Not over-complicate things that I already complicated with my uncharacteristic overly-emotional plea. Good choice, Banner.

I nod and walk off the jet, "Thought not,".


	14. 14:Steve

_**Chapter Fourteen**_

 _Steve_

The world is falling apart at the seams.

"The next wave is going to hit any minute. What do you got, Stark?" I ask, hopefully as I walk over the rubble to look at the sky in front of us where there should have been the other side of the square.

"Well, nothing great." Tony sounds exhausted, "Maybe a way of blowing up the city, that will keep it from impacting the surface. If you guys can get clear..."

"I asked for a solution, not an escape plan." I find myself snapping in spite of myself.

"The impact radius is getting bigger every second. We are going to have to make a choice." He says sounding as desperate as I feel.

Her voice fills my ear suddenly, "Cap, these people aren't going anywhere. If Stark finds a way to blow this rock…" I had seen her earlier fighting in the streets, surprised at her presence. I had thrown her my shield out of instinct, like she was a limb I just knew was there, before even seeing her. Before realizing she shouldn't be here. Maybe it was better that way, after all instinct was all I had, I couldn't think about it right now. Couldn't think about the fact she was here and not on the way to safety and freedom and her happily ever after.

"Not until everyone is safe." I snap back at her, trying desperately to come up with something, anything.

"Everyone up here, versus everyone down there?"She says shaking her head looking at me with empathetic eyes that seemed to pull at my soul, "There's no math there."

"We're not leaving this rock with one single civilian on it." I say looking at her glaring.

"I didn't say we should leave." She says softly. I look at her caught off guard by her words, she nods "There's worse ways to go." A smile pulls at the corner of her mouth. She looks peaceful, beautiful. "Where else am I gonna get a view like this?"

I look at her as she looks out over our new horizon. And I know, I love her. It is as true now as it ever was. She is the best of all of us. She doesn't deserve to die here. I feel like I have failed her. I wanted her to be away from this, from all of this.

"Glad you like the view Romanoff," Suddenly, Nick Fury's voice fills our ears, with the dulcet sound of salvation, "It's about to get better."


	15. 15:Natasha

_**Chapter Fifteen**_

 _Natasha_

The last thing I remember is being about to do the Lullaby with the Hulk. Then we got shot up by Ultron.

I find myself on the deck of the helicarrier. I am trying to clear my mind, like trying to run through thigh deep snow. My head is pounding. I watch Bruce sailing up, after the Quinn jet, after Ultron. Slowly, I struggle to sit. Oh my god. "Bruce," I start coughing as I say his name. I stand up. Worry wrenches into my consciousness. "Oh god,"

I force myself up and start to run after the Quinn jet but soon realize that is ridiculous, stupid concussion. Instead, I skid to a halt and turn to run towards the door that leads down into the Ship.

I find myself in front of a bunch of screens, surrounded by people as I get patched into the Quinn Jet's comm system. I focus on the screen, it's all I can do. Not be aware of the people around me, or the fact that I don't know if this is going to work, or the fact that Bruce is depending on me for this to work. I just focus on the screen.

"Hey big guy," I find myself saying, "You did it. The job's finished." I sound breathless to even myself, "Now I need you to turn this bird around ok?" I see him turn around on the screen at the sound of my voice, and I take a deep breath, "We can't track you in stealth mode." I watch him on the screen, maybe it is working, maybe he does hear me, "So help me out, I need you-"

The video feed goes black, and suddenly I feel completely exposed. Standing on the bridge. Alone. Bruce is gone. Really gone. And he left me behind. That wasn't part of the plan, he was supposed to be….

I blew my shot. That's what I get for trying to save the world. Be good for once. Shoulda ran with him. But then... the world started to come apart. Literally, we were watching Sokovia float away from the world. And Bruce wanted to leave but I couldn't. I knew we had to help. I _couldn't_ leave. But now...

Now I am left, like a chump.

I turn. I wanna run but I don't, I hold myself together. I slowly start to walk. I have to get away. Be alone. Hidden, away from the eyes, away from the people. I move through the halls. I'll be alone soon. I will find some safe place to let myself fall apart in. I rush around a corner and literally run into Clint.

He looks exhausted and is spattered in what I quickly access to be someone else's blood. "Hey! Where are you- Nat? What's going on? Are you alright?"

I look at him, I know I must look like a disaster on legs, at least to him. One of the few people who can always seem to see the real me, past the bravado. "He's gone. He's… gone…."

Clint's brow furrows and he looks down at me, "What? Who-?" He shakes his head, looking confused.

"Bruce," I say, my voice sounds hollow, "The….the Hulk, he's gone. He left, in the Jet. We can't-" I look down at the floor, "We can't track him. He's gone."

Clint's face washes clean and he just looks at me with sad eyes. "Aww, Nat," He wraps his arms around me pulling me into a rib-crushing hug. I want to scream. I want to shove him off of me, tell him to get a hold of himself but I can't. I am frozen. Feeling overwhelmingly numb. "He'll be back, he's just-" Clint's placations become just nonsensical ringing in my ears.

I stand there in his arms. Utterly in the dark about what I am supposed to do next.


	16. 16: Steve

**A/N:** Hope you are enjoying this story and enjoy this next update! -Cat

 ** _Chapter Sixteen_**

 _Steve_

"That man has _no_ regard for lawn maintainence." Tony says shaking his head. We turn away from Thor's dramatic exit, and walk back towards the drive, "I'm gonna miss him though…. and you're gonna miss me. There are gonna be a lot of manly tears."

He clicks a button and his exotic car pulls its self up to the curb. I look at him, he really is unexplainable, "I _will_ miss you, Tony," I say, genuinely meaning it.

"Yeah?" Of course, he sounds skeptical, "Well," He shrugs, "It's time for me to tap out. Maybe I should take a page out of Barton's book, build Pepper a farm." He gets this far away look in his eye. "Hope nobody blows it up," Back to old Tony though.

I smile at him, "The simple life?"

"You'll get there one day," He says to me. And I honestly think he is being genuine in his hope for me.

I look away, "I dunno," I shrug, looking back at my friend, "Family, stability. The guy who wanted that went into the ice seventy-five years ago. I think someone else came out."

Tony nods, starts to get into his car and hesitates, looking back at me. "You alright?"

I look around. I can smell the fresh grass, hear them running drills in the background. I take a deep breath, I shrug looking at him, a small smile pulling at my lips. "I'm home,"

* * *

She stands alone. Since Sokovia she has totally isolated herself. I was worried. Barton told me not too.

" _Nat will be fine. Trust me. This is the best place she could be. She needs… to know she isn't alone." Barton looked up at me. I had stopped him as he was preparing to catch a helicopter back to his home and family. He was well deserving of a rest._

 _"Maybe you should stay a while... for her," I suggest. Looking at his bags, "You seem to be the only one she really trusts. I don't think that will change now." I feel rage. An unbridled rage coursing through my veins at Banner. For leaving her. I trusted him. I told him to look after her and he ended up hurting her worse than I could have predicted._

 _Barton was already shaking his head, "Laura will kill me if I miss Nathaniel's birth. I gotta go home. I have had my fill of Avenging. And as far as Nat goes... You'd be surprised who she trusts." He hefted a bag on his shoulder and I grab the other for him, he looks at me, as if appraising me, "Besides, she's got you to look after her."_

 _As I watched the chopper fly away into the horizon I realize that Barton hadn't questioned my interest in Natasha's well being. Hadn't even blinked an eye. Natasha and Clint weren't like that. They questioned everything._

Now I stand looking at her. Her arms crossed, looking totally alone, closed off. She is here. She is staying here. Barton's lofty words float through my mind, ' _She's got you to look after her.'_

"Wanna keep staring at the wall, or do you wanna go to work?" I say. She turns and looks at me, I can't help but let a smile pull at my lips as I look at her. I would be lying to say I am not thrilled she is staying here… with me. They can all leave, Banner, Thor, Tony, Barton. I realize I only need one other Avenger to feel whole. To feel like I am home, "I mean it is a pretty interesting wall."

She rolls her eyes, walking towards me, "I thought you and Tony were still gazing into each other's eyes." Her strength astounds me. "How do we look?" She asks taking the tablet from me, walking briskly at my side.

"Well, we're not the '27 Yankees," I say. She doesn't even look at me when I make the reference. I can be completely myself with her and she never bats an eye. Maybe pokes fun but never makes me feel out of place.

She doesn't look up from the tablet before she responds, "We've got some hitters,"

"They're good," I look at her, "They're not a team."

"Let's beat 'em into shape." She says glancing up at me, smiling.


	17. 17: Natasha

**_Chapter Seventeen_**

 _Natasha_

It has been a long day of training. I am exhausted. Getting the new team mates in shape is harder than I thought. Steve relies on me to work heavily with Wanda, as I know how to train her how to use her body and size, the advantages of being a woman. Honestly, I think I am wasting my time. If I could move things with my mind I don't think I would ever throw another punch. But the Cap gets what he wants.

Steve is in his element here. He thrives and I can't help but feel happiness for him in his relaxed demeanour.

I walk into the kitchen to make a protein shake. I walk around the island and pull the blender towards me. It's late. I had dropped Wanda off at her room earlier. We had gone on a run around the compound. She is a hard worker, very eager to prove herself, impress us, make up for what she had done. In some ways she reminds me of me. Trying so hard to pay back a debt, but then when I look at her, I realize she already paid that debt, twice over. She paid the worst price. She lost her twin.

I look at the pre-measured baggies of fruit and decide on strawberry, banana and mango and kick the freezer shut. Not everything has to be Kale 100% of the time, no matter what Tony says. Tony really has turned this into an escape more than anything. A safe haven for all us lost souls.

"Fancy seeing you here." I look over and see Steve walking up to the counter.

I roll my eyes, "Yeah fancy that." I glance at the clock. It _was_ late. After I left Wanda at her room I went to the gym and trained with a punch bag for a while. I find the more tired I am when I do eventually go to bed the better my chances are of actually sleeping. "Isn't it a little late for a senior citizen to be up?" I tease him, smiling from under my lashes.

He rolls his eyes opening the fridge and getting out a bottle of water. "Haha, very funny. You just kill me." He leans back against the counter just a few feet over from me. I smile at him out of the corner of my eye.

"Seriously, you get caught up having an existential conversation with Vision? Because there is no easy escape plan when that happens."

He laughs, and it's like a balm. Like lying in the sunlight after being trapped in a down pour. I find myself staring at him, he looks at me smiling, "No, I went with Sam to his VA meeting."

My eyebrows go up and I find the mention of a serious conversation makes me feel uncomfortable, "He's still doing that?" I ask surprised. "I thought when he left D.C…. "

Steve shook his head, "Naw, he just transferred VA's, goes in when he can." He shrugs.

I glance at him raising an eyebrow, "You still go with him?"

He shrugs, "Sometimes,"

"Does it help?" Not that there is a support group for ex-militarized brain-washed assassin's but still. I am curious about his response.

He looks down, brow furrowed, "Some nights, some nights it really helps." He looks up at me and his eyes look so vulnerable, "Some times I just shake my head, wondering why I am there. I feel so far removed from the soldier I wanted to be..." He trails off.

"It's hard to relate?" I finish the sentence for him.

He looks at me, "Yeah, like there is no perspective."

I nod, hitting the button on the blender. We stand silently. Suddenly, a glass appears on the counter and I look at Steve as he hands it to me. I turn off the blender. "Thanks," I say, "Want some?"

"Are you kidding? No thanks,"

"What? Why not? Protein is good for you." I scoff.

He rolls his eyes, "If you made it, it'll be too sweet."

"What?" I ask looking at him, brow furrowed, "It's a smoothie." I shrug.

He shakes his head, face very serious, "I am sorry Romanoff, doesn't matter. You have a serious problem with sugar."

"I do not." I scoff, pretending offense.

"You do. It needs to be said. You have a disturbing sweet tooth problem." He says as he walks around to sit at the kitchen table. He pulls out a chair for me before I even make the choice to sit with him. But of course, I do.

I sit beside him, furrowing my brow, "I'm not that bad." Pulling my legs up under me to sit cross legged, as he lounges back, dropping his arm over the back of his chair.

He looks at me, "How many sugars do you put in your coffee?" he asks as he sips his water bottle.

I shrug, "Oh who keeps track of-"

"Five," He says without blinking. I look up at him. He's right, "You put in five _heaping_ spoonfuls. I am half convinced your teeth are dentures, because how they haven't rotted out of your head…. it's a medical miracle."

"Ugh!" I scoff at him, shaking my head, trying not to think about the fact that he even knows that about me. "Well, maybe I need the added help maintaining this demur, _sweet_ demeanour you all seem to appreciate so much."

"Meh," I smack him on the shoulder, "Hey! Ok, ok, I kid!" He snaps, holding his hands up leaning forward on the table laughing. He meets my eye and I smile back at him.

It seems just like this perfect little moment in time, that I don't ever really want to end. Just sitting here with him, smiling, laughing. It was so nice.

"Nat," He pulls his chair closer to me and I feel the window on our moment slowly closing. Reality closing in. "I'm sorry for how everything ended up."

He looks at the table, not meeting my eye. Oh god, he's talking about Banner. I purposefully spend a lot of time everyday trying not to talk or think about Bruce. Least of all, in any association with Steve. Steve talking about it, _him_ , god, I would rather my head explode. "Oh, nothing you need to worry your pretty little head over." I say feeling my walls coming up out of instinct.

I stand up quickly, pushing my chair back. I want to leave, end this conversation. The last thing I want is Steve empathizing with me over lost love. God. The one person who I _stupidly_ thought could possibly have maybe loved me, leaves me. The last person I want to discuss that with is Steve. The man I _want_ to love me but never could. Oh god and what if he brings up his infamous lost love from the forties? Ugh. Great. Another reminder of the kind of woman he should be with… deserves to be with. A.K.A. not me.

He stands up to, "No Nat, wait." I am fast, but damn his superhuman body, he is faster and has his hand on my arm before I get a chance. I stop a take a deep breath, my eyes staying focused on the ground, "Please- just... I'm sorry."

My head snaps up to look at him, shaking my head, "Why should you be sorry?" I ask caught of guard by the ridiculousness of his statement.

He closes his eyes, shifting his weight from one foot to another. He looks so conflicted, what was going on? "I was the one who told Banner to get you outta there. And then he-" His jaw flexes... Like he's mad. He looks down at me, "I'm sorry Nat. You deserved better."

I look up at him, "I don't understand- You sent Bruce-" I am all turned around by his logic. I have no idea why on earth he would think tasking Bruce with coming to get me out of Ultron's hideout in Sokovia had anything to do Bruce leaving after everything… It doesn't make sense.

Steve shakes his head, " _I_ sent Banner into get you. To make sure you were ok, after Ultron took you. I wanted him to get you and get clear. Of everything." I listened to his words feeling like the very ground under my feet was shifting, but maybe I am only hearing what I wanted to. Steve looks at me, his eyes… "I never thought he would hurt you." He said.

I look at his face, he's so upset. I look away from his eyes, anywhere other than at him, his sympathetic eyes. Ugh, it was like torture. "Well, that makes two of us." I shake my head, crossing my arms over my chest. "It's not your fault Steve." I smirk up at him, "Shockingly, not everything is your fault."

"Yeah but it shoulda been me. _I_ shoulda been the one to get you out."

I look at him, confused, "Oh yeah? How do you figure that?" He is just being ridiculous. Steve just loves to bring everyone else's problems down on his own head. I put my hands on my hips and glared at him.

"Because, I -" He stops mid sentence. His eyes are searching mine. He nods, "Because. It was my call." I look at him. He is such a … hero. There isn't any easier way to put it. His brow furrows. "I- I do have a question..." He shakes his head, staring back at the table top.

"What is it?" I ask.

"How did you end up in the city again? I told Banner… I _asked_ him, to get you out, out of Sokovia and yet… there you were."

I look at him, "Well, we were going to just go but-" I stop realizing the implications of what I am about to say. I look at Steve who is watching me intently. We could have left, just disappeared. A fresh start for both of us, but then the city started to fly. And I knew what was at risk, the team, the world…. Steve. Steve floating up away from me. Did I sacrifice Bruce for Steve? I feel sick because I never let myself think about it. But I realize that Steve is still waiting for me to answer, "The city started to fly so we re-evaluated." I say simply.

He nodded, like that was all he needed to know. Like he has faith that I wouldn't have some terrible alternative, selfish motive. "I'm sorry, it didn't work out for you two."

I shrug, "Can't have it all." I look back up to him and can't help but think, ' _No, matter how much we want it._ ' But instead I smile up at him, falling back onto familiar ground, a skin I can slip into. The invincible Black Widow, "Besides," I say in a particularly seductively mocking voice, "I've got you to pick up the pieces right?" I raise an eyebrow at him.

I expect him to laugh it off, the way we always are together. Except I realize, in that infinitesimal moment that we haven't been us in a while. Not like we used to be. We haven't joked in a…like this in a while. And once again I realize I miss something that I hadn't realized I had until it was already gone. I thought being friends with him was a placation. A balm for not actually getting to be with him. But now, in trying to move on, I have put myself even further behind. My luck.

But as I am having my epiphany, Steve is just staring at me with this intense expression. No laugh, no ' _Same old Nat_ '. Just looking at me. I clear my throat, caught off guard.

God, why does he have to make me feel so self aware, like I am never making the right choices? This would be so much easier if I didn't care what he thought of me, but then that would mean life would have to be fair. "You know I was just joking-" I find myself saying unable to handle his silence. My shell cracking. I am all shook up and uncomfortable. Maybe Banner had more of an effect than I realized.

"I would." He interrupts me.

I swallow back the rest of my rambling sentence and look up at him. "Sorry?"

"I would help you pick up the pieces." He stares into my eyes and I find myself absolutely speechless, "Always."

He takes a deep breath and looks at me and I seem to be frozen. I literally cannot move, like I am having an out of body experience. "Goodnight Natasha, " He goes to walk by me but stops at my side, and ever so gently he leans forward and just lightly kisses me on my forehead, just above my right eyebrow.

I feel like my every nerve is shivering. Like I can't possibly even breath or blink or move even. If I turn my head just the tiniest bit, my lips would be on his….

But I don't. Because I am terrified of what will happen if I do. And he turns and walks away from me and I find that through all of this, I am still just a coward.


	18. 18: Steve

_**Chapter Eighteen**_

Steve

 _Six Months Later_

We go on like I never said anything. Like I never found her in the kitchen that night. I don't know how to be anything but what we already are with her. And she didn't seem to want to, so…. I could take it. Her friendship was enough. I am honoured to have earned it in the first place. That is enough. I tell myself that it is enough, unfair of me to expect more.

"No, no, I did not just travel back around the world to come home, to give up my right to choose." Natasha snaps shaking her head, her red hair swinging around her shoulders.

"What?" I say, shrugging my shoulders.

Wanda nods, looking up at us from her seat, cross legged on the floor, "She is right, you have terrible taste."

"It's a movie." I snap. I look at Sam who shrugs as he slumps on to the sofa across from me.

"Sorry man, I am with the girls on this, the only one who likes your movie choices is Vision."

I roll my eyes, "Oh come on,"

Natasha shakes her head, "Give it up Grandpa, your movie taste is _bor_ ing!" She looks up at me from under her lashes, smiling across the floor at me, challenging me.

I glare across at her but I can't keep the smile from my lips either, "You know, I think you can cease and desist with the Grandpa jokes, Ms. Romanoff,"

"Oh you do? Do you?" She says putting the DVD cases down and putting a hand on her hip.

I tug on my sleeve, getting ready to play my ace, "Well, ya see. I did the math. And _technically_ we are the same age."

Wanda and Sam both look at Natasha who looks at me like I am crazy. "What? No, we aren't," She scoffs.

"Yeah we are," I shrug, "I mean if we don't count the suspended animation frozen in ice for seventy years thing." I glance at Sam and he nods back at me, like that is a reasonable assumption. "Well, actually your nine months older than me."

I smile at Natasha as she scoffs at me, but then I see her doing the math in her own head. She opens her mouth to argue, then she stops and looks at me, narrowing her eyes. "Well, I _do_ have better taste in movies."

I can't help but laugh.

* * *

"Night guys!" I call over my shoulder wandering down the hall leading to my room.

"Night!" I hear both Sam and Wanda yell back to me.

"Steve, wait," I turn around and see Natasha walking towards me. She was pulling her cardigan around her tighter, sort of jogging down the hall to catch up with me.

"Yeah, what's up?" I ask turning and facing her. She smiles up at me and I see a dusting of a blush on her cheeks. I raise an eyebrow because Natasha is always in control. Except for those months back in the kitchen, she hadn't seemed so in control then, but that was probably because we were talking about Banner and less about me. But then it hits me, "Oh geez, I am sorry about before. Did I offend you?"

She looks confused, "What? Over what?"

"Bring up the age thing, I just-"

She shakes her head, laughing breathily. She steps towards me, she is looking down at her bare feet. She never wears socks. I look back up at Natasha. She looks good. Happy. Or at least I think she is happy. I feel certain she only lets me see what she wants me to see. Her hair is longer than it was. It looks beautiful. She has taken to wearing it in loose waves. Right now, it is falling in her eyes but then she looks back up at me, inadvertently flipping it over her shoulder.

"No, it wasn't- that was fine." She smiles at me, she looks… nervous? "Um, I was just wondering, if you wanted to have dinner." I stare at her, her eyes get bigger as I don't respond, "With me." She adds.

I feel sightly numb. Like my throat has totally closed. "Uh-"

She shakes her head looking back down to her toes, an awkward smile breaking out on her face. "I mean, don't feel like you have to or anything or we could-"

"No!" I interrupt her. She looks up at me with a confused expression, raising an eyebrow of her own. I shake my head, why was this going this way? "I mean, yes. That would be-" I hesitate not sure what to say because I really have no idea what it would be like. I had never really let myself consider it too much. "Nice." I find myself saying the most boring word in the English language and instantly want to hit myself.

But in spite of my idiocy she smiles at me, "Alright," She smiles at me and turns away from me, "Night Steve," She calls over her shoulder.

"Night Nat," I say rubbing my eyes with my palms, wishing I could have back the last about minute of my life to do over again.

It wouldn't matter either way because we never get to have that dinner. In the middle of the night my phone rings. It's a tip from Maria Hill about the possible whereabouts of one Brock Rumlow, and as I swing my legs over the side of my bed, I know, we have to go to work.

 **A/N:** Sorry for another short one guys, chapters will be getting longer as we head into _Civil Wa_ r! I am very excited to start writing about it, as my feels from Romanogers on this movie are off the charts! Thanks **Lux306** for the review! I never wanted to change the movies too much cause I think they work perfectly with this OTP, which makes it all the more devastatingly angst-ridden cause it is so close and yet so far ( I have VERY high hopes for Infinity War... very high hopes lol) , so I just try and flesh them out with things I feel could have realistically happened within the movie timelines. I will probably venture into more of an AU sort of story post _Civl War_ but we shall see! Hope you enjoyed, more to come soon! -Cat


	19. 19: Steve

**A/N:** Alright all and **Captain America: Civil War** Begins! Super excited to start writing about the events of this movie! Hope you enjoy! Please let me know what you think! -Cat

 **Chapter Nineteen**

Steve

We are on the Quinn Jet heading back Stateside from Lagos. I feel numb. Wanda is in the back, sitting next to Vision, with Sam hovering around her. I know that they will look after her as I focus on getting us home, back to the compound. All the screams echoed around my head, the building exploding...

"Steve," I turn my head at her voice. Natasha comes up beside me and sits in the co-pilot seat, which she swivels to face me. Her green eyes focus on me like lasers, as she leans forward, her elbows on her knees. "Are you ok?" I glance at her but soon find myself looking back out the windshield. I could hear her take a breath, and I feel myself clench my jaw because I know she isn't going to let it drop. "Wanda said she heard Rumlow mention Bucky?"

I take a deep breath. "It's nothing." I say briskly, "Just trying to get in my head," I look at her and smirk, "Shouldn't have let him,"

She purses her lips, looking at me with a furrowed brow, "Steve, it's ok that-"

"No." I say shaking my head looking at her, "It isn't." I glance in the back of the jet and make sure no one is directly behind us, "We are supposed to lead this team." I shake my head, feeling my stomach drop, thinking of the scene we just caused. "What kind of example was that?" I stare out the windshield.

Natasha shifts so she is sitting on the literal edge of her seat, "Steve, you're only human. You don't have to be perfect 100% of the time." I scoff, but she persists catching my attention. "Steve-" She stands up and moves forward, I look up at her as she steps towards me and, as if in slow motion, I see her hand coming up. She is reaching for me. Her hand will land on my shoulder, and I find that in this moment, when I feel trapped by the situation, my reality and the ghosts of my past, all I want is to feel her touch. Even through my suit, I find myself craving her touch.

But her hand never makes it to my shoulder, "Nat." She stops, instantly freezing at Sam's voice, her hand snaps back to her side and tightens into a fist. She looks over at him and I see in her eyes an openness, a fear maybe? At being... seen?

"Yeah?" She says and I see her chest rise and fall with the deep breath. Steadying herself. I feel my mind trying to push something forward, a memory or a dream maybe? In same breath, I shake my head and just look forward.

"I was wondering about..." She walks over to Sam where he is asking about the biohazard and follow up's in Lagos.

I shake my head, moment gone, the memory forgotten, and focus back on our flight plan.

* * *

I walk down the hall toward the boardroom off the kitchen. Wanda and Vision walk ahead of me, Vision's head bowed close to Wanda's in conversation. I slow my steps so as to give them privacy. I don't need to eavesdrop to know Vision is trying to comfort Wanda, and he would know as good as I what to say. It's hard to try and consol her while my own mind rages it's own war with guilt.

I keep playing the moment over and over in my mind...

' _You know he knew you. Your pal, your buddy, your Bucky.'_

I remember freezing,

 _'What did you say?'_

 _'He remembered you. I was there. He got all weepy about it. Till they put his brain back in the blender.'_

"So, do you know why Tony is here with his hot date?" Natasha suddenly falls into step with me. She glances up and me and I don't miss her double take.

"No, I don't. Something tells me it won't be to just to stop bye and say hello."

She chuckles, "I think your right," She hesitates as we reach the doors to the board room. Wanda and Vision walk through, and we can see Rhodey, Sam, and Tony already in there with the Secretary Ross. I look at her and she meets my eye, and it's then I find myself thinking back to a foggy memory of her in a hospital room... but I blink and as soon as I try to put it in focus, it disappears.

"What's up?" I ask her, raising an eyebrow while I look at her.

She takes a deep breath and I think about only a night or two ago when she asked me out to dinner. And I find myself wanting to interrupt her and ask her to go now. Let's just go, walk out the front door and go find somewhere. Just a small place, were we might not get recognized. I would tease her about how, when she is relaxed and not pretending to be something else, she inhales her food at a startling rate. She would snort at a reference I didn't understand. And we could just be us, with no strings. No expectations.

But then I realize that that won't happen. We will go into the boardroom and listen to whatever we are supposed to. But then maybe, hopefully, we will eventually get to that dinner.

She blinks and looks at me, "You know I have your back, right? No matter what?"

I turn and face her, putting my back towards the board room and fix her with a gaze, crossing my arms over my chest and I see her looking worried, almost... intimidated? No, that must be wrong. This was Natasha after all. "Anything changed that I should be aware of? Cause last time I checked yeah, of course I know that, Nat."

She nodded. She looked older in all black. And I know I feel older. I remember meeting her on the deck of the helicarrier, all that time ago. Seeing her controlled facade. The way she took me in like I wasn't anything to ruffle her feathers.

 _'It was quite the buzz around here. Finding you in the ice...'_

Now here we stood. Saved the world together three times, faced demons, history... She barely blinked. Now, here she stood in front of me, looking at me like she was worried about me. Terrified for me even.

I put a smile on my face, "Nat, I'll be fine. You know me."

She looks at me with a gaze that seems to be trying to say a million different things. But I feel like I can hear what I think she really wants to say. Can hear it as clearly as if she was literally saying the words to me, ' _Do I_?' And I find myself thinking that maybe she knows me better than she thinks she does. I clear my throat, "Come on," I say, nodding my head at the boardroom. "Let's get this over with."

She nods and looks resigned but not satisfied, but still she walks past me as I hold the door open for her. I find myself letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding in.

* * *

We are all sitting around debating everything we just heard as I flip through the pages of the so called Sokovia Accords. My eyes take in the print faster than they ever would have been able to before. I hear Rhodey and Sam bickering behind me.

"Secretary Ross has a Congressional Medal of Honour, which is one more than you have." Rhodey says it like it is the only thing that matters.

I can hear the ire rising in Sam's voice as he speaks, "So let's say we agree to this thing. How long is it gonna be before they LoJack us like a bunch of common criminals?" His point hits a nerve in my chest, a fear. I remember words, words like ' _failed science_ _experiment_ ' rattling around in my brain from my past and I feel myself doubting.

"117 countries want to sign this. 117, Sam and you're just like 'No, that's cool. We got it.'?" Rhodey snaps back.

"How long are you going to play both sides?" Sam retorts angrily.

I feel the tension rising in the room when Vision interrupts, "I have an equation,"

I look across our sitting area, as Sam scoffs, "Oh, this will clear it up." I look over the pages of the Accords at where Vision is sitting next to Wanda.

But Vision ignores Sam's commentary and continues calmly, "In the eight years since Mr. Stark announced himself as Iron Man the number of known enhanced persons has grown exponentially. And during the same period, the number of potentially world-ending events has risen at a commensurate rate."

I feel a weight in my chest and I meet Visions eyes, "Are you saying it's our fault?" I feel Nat's eyes on me when I speak but I focus on Vision.

Again he responds calmly, as always, "I'm saying there may be a causality. Our very strength invites challenge. Challenges incites conflict. And conflict ...breeds catastrophe. Oversight... Oversight is not an idea that can be dismissed out of hand."

His words sink in as Rhodey says, "Boom."

I am surprised by Nat's voice when she says, "Tony," I look over at Stark who is sitting, slouched on the couch, hand over his face... Is he hung over? "You're being uncharacteristically non-hyper-verbal."

I take a breath, knowing the answer before Tony even has to move, "It's because he has already made up his mind."

Tony looks from Nat to me, and I see it in his eyes, he isn't hungover, he's upset... Haunted maybe? "Boy, you know me so well." He slowly forces himself off the couch, "Actually, I'm nursing an electromagnetic headache. That's what's going on, Cap. It's just pain." He says the words aggressively and I find myself watching him closely, this unusually tightly wound Tony. "It's discomfort. Who's putting coffee grounds in the disposal? Am I running a bed and breakfast for a biker gang?"

He hesitates before taking out his cell or computer or whatever the gadget is and puts it on the counter. Within a couple of taps a picture is being projected of a nice looking young man smiling brightly at us all. "Oh that's Charles Spencer by the way." Tony eventually continues, "He's a great kid. Computer engineering degree, 3.6 GPA, had a floor level gig at Intel planned for the fall. But first, he wanted to put a few miles on his soul before he parked it behind a desk. See the world. Maybe be of service. Charlie didn't want to go to Vegas or Fort Lauderdale, which is what I would do. He didn't go to Paris or Amsterdam, which sounds fun. He decided to spend his summer building sustainable housing for the poor." I feel the tension building with the intensity of Tony's words, "Guess where? Sokovia." He gives us all a minute to let that sink in, fully sink in. "He wanted to make a difference, I suppose. We won't know because we dropped a building on him while we were kicking ass." I find myself looking away from Tony. I don't want to argue with him. Don't want to make it worse but it wasn't that simple. Nothing ever is, "There is no decision making process here. We need to be put in check." He says loudly, "Whatever form that takes, I'm game. If we can't accept boundaries, limitations. We are no better than the bad guys."

I take a deep breath, "Tony, someone dies on your watch, you don't give up." Nat looks over at me, sitting on the couch across from me.

"Who said we are giving up?" He retorts almost too quickly.

"We are if we're not taking responsibility for our actions. This document just shifts the blame."

"Sorry, Steve," Rhodey interjects, "That...that is dangerously arrogant. This is the United Nations we're talking about." I feel the bureaucracy of it all crawling all over me, and I can't help but shake my head, "It's not the World Security Council. It's not S.H.E.I.L.D. It's not HYDRA."

"No, but it's run by people with agendas, and agendas change." It's a lesson I have learned so many times. Too many times, too many close calls.

"That's _good_. That's why I am here. When I realized what my weapons were capable of in the wrong hands... I shut it down and stopped manufacturing." Tony said vehemently, jumping in.

I feel my frustration level rising, it's like they aren't hearing me, "Tony, you _chose_ to do that. If we sign this we surrender our right to choose. What if this panel sends us somewhere we don't think we should go? What if there is somewhere we _need_ to go and they don't let us? We may not be perfect but the safest hands are still our own."

Again he responds quickly, like he isn't really listening to what I am saying. Like he is too busy coming up with his next argument to let my words sink in. "If we don't do this now, it's gonna be done to us later. That's the fact. That won't be pretty." I look away from him, unwilling to acknowledge that fear should be part of this decision.

"You're saying they will come for me?" Wanda asks the quiet room. We all look at her but it is Vision who responds first.

"We would protect you."

"Maybe Tony's right," My head swivels around to Natasha, and I feel my lips part, trying my best to not let my whole mouth drop open at her words. I feel like the wind has been taken out of my lungs at her words.

She meets my eyes and there, I see it again, that fear from out in the hallway, that vulnerability that I wasn't sure was originally there. And when she speaks, she responds quietly like she can see the shock in my eyes, like it is making her hesitate. "If we have one hand on the wheel, we can still steer. If we take it off..." I close my lips as she holds my gaze.

Sam steps up so he is right behind my shoulder and I know when he speaks, he is just as shocked as I am at Natasha's words, "Aren't you the same woman who told the government to kiss her ass a few years ago?"

"I'm just..." She meets my eyes, "I'm just reading the terrain." She leans forward and I can tell she is trying to convince me, "We have made some very public mistakes." Her eyes are huge as she stares back into mine and I feel like she is speaking only to me, "We need to win their trust back."

And just like that Tony interrupts again, "Focus up. I'm sorry. Did I just mishear you... Or did you just agree with me?"

"I want to take it back now." Nat responds more like her usual self.

"No, you can't take it back now. Thank you. Unprecedented."

My phone goes off in my pocket and I pull it out to look at the screen. What else can happen? I look at the screen:

 **She's gone. In her sleep.**

I feel my heart stop beating. I suddenly feel like the blood is draining from my body as simultaneously I feel my throat start to close. Somewhere I hear Tony, he sounds like he is miles away even though I know he is right beside me, "Okay. Case closed. I win." He says.

I don't hesitate, I don't look at anyone, I just know I have to get out of here. Away from them all, "I have to go." I find myself saying. And I walk away from them all, with the reality that the one person on this Earth who knew me, really knew me... or used to... The person who I once thought I would share my life with forever, was gone. And suddenly I don't feel like I know anything any more.


	20. 20: Natasha

**Chapter Twenty**

Natasha

I sit and listen as my little homemade family argues. We have been safe here, in this compound, together. Now the world is looking at us with a hard and critical eye and wondering what to do with our band of misfits. I feel fear in my chest at the implications of that. I listen to Steve and Tony argue as if they are on different sides. Yes, they have always been Ying and Yang but this... this seemed different. This felt different.

It was Tony's words that hit home for me. Seemed to come crashing down on my head. "If we don't do this now, it's gonna be done to us later. That is a fact. That won't be pretty."

"You're saying they will come for me?" Wanda speaks and everyone looks at her but I find my eyes going to Steve. If we do what he wants and refuse to sign, we will be outside the law on this. Once again I will be on the wrong side of the coin. And Tony is right, the UN won't let that stand, the whole world will come for us. That doesn't scare me. But it does make me afraid for Steve. They will want him most, every government will want to have him in their back rooms. To replicate him. Look at what happened to Bruce, who was trying to recreate the serum purely for scientific reasons...But if they had Steve? They would strap him down... Want to dissect him, to understand him. And as if traveling back in time, in the blink of an eye, I can feel the straps over me, holding me down, so they could use my body for their own purposes. My heart starts to pound thinking about that happening to Steve, or Wanda or Vision. But especially Steve, he is who I can see in my mind's eye, screaming in agony, begging to die. Because surely, if they can't make us fight for them, can't control us, we will become expendable.

"We would protect you." I hear Vision say to her. We would try and protect everyone, but would it work? We have tried to protect the Earth too, and even then there were casualties. Now we are in the fallout. Will we be the next ones?

I swallow and start speaking, "Maybe Tony's right," Steve's head swivels around to look at me and his lips part only slightly. Taken aback by my words, understandably. It shocks even me that I am saying this but that fear, I feel it in my chest. I want everyone to stay safe. I need him to understand that. And I find myself speaking as if only to him. Like we are the only two people in the room, "If we have one hand on the wheel, we can still steer. If we take it off..." My words drift off as I recognize the deep sadness in his eyes. I've seen it before. On the Lemuarian Star, when he found me on the bridge, colouring outside the lines. That feels like a lifetime ago. I hate to think I am disappointing him again, and he is right in a lot of ways and I want to agree with him. But I want to keep him safe more. _Safe_ is the most important thing.

Sam stands right behind Steve and says incredulously to me, "Aren't you the same woman who told the government to kiss her ass a few years ago?"

I feel it all getting out of control, and I need them to understand, they need to hear what _could_ happen. They don't know because they have never been where I have been, they haven't been behind the curtain in the rooms where the dark deeds take place. "I'm just..." I find Steve's eyes and I try again, "I'm just reading the terrain." I lean forward and hope he understands what I am saying, "We have made some very public mistakes." I stare at him, feeling as if I am almost begging for him to understand me, "We need to win their trust back."

I feel Tony's eyes on me and I instantly know I am gonna hate what is coming, "Focus up. I'm sorry. Did I just mishear you... Or did you just agree with me?"

"I want to take it back now." I shake my head looking at him, this is gonna be worse than when Steve said 'Language'... To _us_.

"No, you can't take it back now. Thank you. Unprecedented." Tony looks exactly like a cat that's gotten into the cream. I am instantly shaking my head. "Okay, case closed. I win."

I take a deep breath trying to calm my already frayed nerves, when I see Steve take his phone out of his pocket. I find myself watching him, I can't help it. As he looks at the screen, his whole body tenses. And then, in an infinitesimal moment, his whole body seems to sag under some enormous weight. A voice in the back of my head nags me that no one else would watch him, or notice those micro-movements. But I ignore it, concern washing over me.

"I have to go." As he says the words it is as if they are hollow, and before anyone even has a chance to ask what's going on, he is up and out of his seat and walking away from all of us. And I find the concern is turning into a hot ball of fire in my chest as I watch his back retreat.

* * *

I stare at the Accords on the table of the boardroom and find myself feeling numb. Like I was stuck waiting for the other shoe to drop, unsure as to how we got to this place, in the mere blink of an eye.

"You did the right thing, Nat." Tony comes to stand beside me and his hand lands on my shoulder.

"For some reason," I look at him shaking my head, "That doesn't make me feel any better."

Tony shrugs but his hand leaves my shoulder and puts it in his pocket instead. "Trust me, this is what we need. What the Avengers needs. It was only a matter of time."

I look up and see Rhodey and Vision talking to each other, the absences seem loud and unusual. "Is that what _we_ are now? Is this the Avengers?" I ask him looking back into his eyes and I see he is looking at the nearly empty room as well. But he turns and smiles at me. Confident as ever.

"It's just gonna take some time. These sorts of changes always do. Doesn't matter, we've got it. The world is alright, for now. So, we will just have to convince everyone." I don't like that word, _convince_ , but I do my best to ignore it. "Cap is just an old man stuck in his ways." I chuckle at Tony's sentiment, "And let's face it, when he signs, everyone will sign. Like little domino's."

"Wow, that is big of you to admit," I tease.

He simply rolls his eyes scoffing, and coughed something that sounded strangely like ' _Bigger man_ ,'.

I nod and smile at Tony, as I reach for my trench coat, "I have to go."

"Oooh, where to? Hot date? Tell me it's a man, please, I am starting to get concerned for you."

I roll my eyes at Tony's antics, "If it was, you are the last person I would share that information with." I shrug on my coat.

"Probably a safe bet, albeit a boring one. From what I've heard I am a terrible gossip."

"I'll see you later Tony." With that I turn and walk away from him.

* * *

I stand in the back of the church, I have no desire to be seen here. I feel like an intruder, a spy on all these peoples grief but I couldn't seem to stay away. As I was flying the Quinn Jet to London I tried to talk myself out of my big idea. But I couldn't seem to persuade myself not to come.

I had to be here for him. He deserved that. Since I seem capable of disappointing him in almost every other way.

I take a deep breath as I watch her give the eulogy from the pulpit. I find myself pursing my lips, and my hands tightening into fists in my pockets, my fingernails cutting my palms. So, Nurse Sharon, the infamous Agent 13, was none other than Peggy Carter's niece? I wonder vaguely how they managed to keep that a secret. I suppose Peggy had a lot to do with that. I suppose Fury knew as well. It certainly wasn't in any of the files, not one mention.

I feel like an even bigger fool now, pushing Steve at Sharon. It's almost laughable, of course I pick a descendant of his, what soul mate? That is who I pick to set him up with. That is the one that seemed to stick. Fuck.

But it's not my place because he isn't mine. I am lucky to be his friend. But then I think about him taking me up on my offer of dinner.

 _"Um, I was just wondering, if you wanted to have dinner." He had stared at me like it was a complicated question, but then I had realized what a vague question that was. Like was that 'do you want to eat dinner' in general? With whom? Obviously we had already had dinner that night. So, I added like an idiot, "With me."_

 _His face went completely blank, "Uh-"_

 _I instantly realized this was a mistake. Why on earth would I think this was a good idea? Just because these last few months had been so good... And what he said about back in Sokovia and Bruce... I mean that was a long time ago. I force a smile on my face, which isn't that hard cause, I mean I kinda wanna just burst out laughing at my own ridiculousness. I look down at my bare feet and shake my head, "I mean, don't feel like you have to or anything we could-"_

 _"No!" He suddenly barks, I look up at him and he looks... Nervous? He sends me a half smile and I feel myself holding my breath, "I mean, yes. That would be-" He hesitates and I wonder how he is going to finish, a business dinner? A friendly outing? "Nice." He settles on._

 _Nice... huh._

 _Nice is good. I'll take nice. People have called me a lot worse, nice is something I am usually striving for. So, like a total goon, I find myself smiling at him, "Alright," I turn letting out my still held breath, deciding to leave now before I mess it up because really, I can hardly believe it's real, "Night Steve," I say over my shoulder._

 _"Night Nat,"_

That seems like so long ago. Like going out to dinner with him was this childish dream I had and now I have woken up. Back to reality.

The service ends and I step out of the way. Out of sight. I don't want to have to make any kind of awkward chit chat about how I may or may not have known Peggy Carter. I find myself, from my hiding place, looking at the big picture of her up front. I never met her. Probably for the best really. I was already pathetically jealous of her connection with Steve and how messed up was that? They were madly in love with each other I assume, Steve is pretty tight lipped about it all, and she thought she heard him die. Only to be reunited a lifetime later, after she had gone on with her life, had late on-set dementia and was just about to die? But still, she held his heart above all others... And I envy her for it.

I envy her for a lot of things.

I am a lost cause, envying a dead woman.

The church clears and I see Sam walk out the doors alone. I am glad he came with Steve. Glad he had someone with him. I think briefly about leaving, knowing he had Sam here with him, kind of defeated my original reason for being here. But the thought simply passes through my mind fleetingly.

And suddenly, it's quiet. The church is empty except for us and I feel the gravity of that. I see how alone he looks, up there, alone, his back to me. And I find myself worrying. I take a deep breath. There isn't any point to it. Worrying. So why bother? Just be here, right now. For him.

As I exhale, I take that first step and find myself walking towards Steve.

He turns when he hears me, and just stops. His face looks open, and surprised. Even from here I can see how blue his eyes are. He takes a breath, and almost seems to shake himself, looking at the ground, turning to lean on the pew behind him.

He starts talking to me, looking up at her picture. Before I am even fully at his side, he is talking, "When I came outta the ice, I thought everyone I had known was gone." He looks up at her picture, "When I found out she was alive... I was just lucky to have her."

I look from her picture, and I feel so happy he is talking to me. Even though I know he knows where I was... signing the accords. He is still talking to me. "She had you back too." I find myself speaking the shockingly honest words, but I find I also I don't care, I just want to be honest with him. He looks down, but I find I don't stop talking, "After everything happened with S.H.I.E.L.D." He looks up at me and I lean back against the pew behind me, "During my little hiatus, I went back to Russia," I cross my arms over my body, feeling vulnerable, even now, "To try and find my parents." I find myself still winded by the reality, and look away from his eyes, shaking my head, "Two little grave stones by a chain link fence." I pause thinking back to that cold, snowy day. I shake my head though, and remember that this was for Steve. "I pulled some weeds, and left some flowers." I swallow and look up at him. "We have what we have when we have it." I think about having his trust, and his friendship.

He takes a breath before saying, "Who else signed?"

I feel myself want to flinch, want to suck in a big breath but I don't, controlled facade as usual. "Tony, Rhodey...Vision." I smile at him.

"Clint?" He asked.

I shake my head a little as I say, "Says he's retired," and I hope for my friend that that is true. He deserves it.

Steve looks down the aisle, "Wanda?"

"TBD," I say without hesitation, seeing the concern in his eyes. Steve looks at the ground. I find myself hoping, something I am usually not in the habit of doing. "I'm off to Vienna," I find myself saying. I don't know what's going on but since I asked him to dinner it's like I have no filter with him, "There's plenty of room on the jet," I say, and my voice seems hopeful even to me. He sighs as he stares down at his shoes. And I want him to understand me, I step towards him hoping he listens to me,"Just because it is the path of least resistance, doesn't mean it's the wrong path." And like that he looks up at me. "Staying together is more important than how we stay together." There it is, out in the open. Laid bare for all to see.

"What are we giving up to do it?" He asks me, and I want to say so many things, but nothing seems right. Nothing seems like it will help. I want to say I am so scarred of waking up the villain again. I want to tell him I want to protect him, from what could happen. But I know, even as I find the courage to look back up into his eyes that nothing will change his mind. It's why he's Steve. It's why he's the Captain. It's why I love him. "I'm sorry Nat." I feel the cold wrap around me, and he says what I knew he would, I cross my arms over my body again, "I can't sign,"

I look back at him, and when I look at him... I just shake my head, "I know," I say softly.

He raises his eyebrows at me slightly, "Then what are you doing here?" He asks, his voice low.

I stare back at him, and I find myself saying the most honest thing I have ever said to him. "I...didn't want you to be alone," I feel the words fall from my lips and I feel exposed, but I don't care because I realize how much I trust Steve. He looks at me, and his face is open. And I find I can't read his expression but I don't care, and don't think about it before I step up to him. I reached up and wrap my arms around his shoulders. I find him stepping up, standing up from against the pew, as he wraps his arms around me.

I feel his arms around me, holding me, and for just a second I allow myself an indulgence. I savour the feeling of being in his arms. Feeling his heart beat against me, the smell of his skin and his hair. Steve... I know this moment is fleeting and the fear that has lingered in my chest feels so real I want to gasp. Even as I stand here holding him tight, I feel like we are being pulled apart, by the world, by circumstance and I wonder if I will ever find myself here again, in his arms. Regardless it is more than I ever expected of deserved. Now I will have to deal with the aftermath.


	21. 21: Natasha

**Chapter Twenty-One**

Natasha

I sit in the UN assembly meeting in Vienna listening to King T'chaka's address. My conversation with his son still in my mind. I feel alone here, exposed, out of my element but I shelf my discomfort because I am here for people I care about, so I wear my confident facade. I think about the fact that Steve didn't get on the jet with me. That I am in fact sorry, he isn't here beside me, even if I do respect him at the end of it all.

"When stolen Wakanda vibranium was used to make a terrible weapon, we in Wakanda were forced to question our legacy. Those men and women killed in Nigeria were part of a good will mission from a country too long in the shadows. We will not however let misfortune drive us back, we will fight to improve the world we wish to join. I am thankful to the Avengers for supporting this initiative. Wakanda is proud to extend its hands in peace-"

Suddenly I see T'challa turn from the window, "EVERYBODY GET DOWN!" He screams and the windows explode inward all at once.

I don't hesitate, reaching for the American delegate beside me and pull her underneath me as heat radiates over us and my back is peppered with glass and debris. My ears throb and pound, the ringing all I can here.

I blink, trying to get the world back in to focus as smoke burns my nostrils. I feel the woman underneath me screaming and shaking. I know she has a husband and three kids back home stateside. My job is to protect her. Get her home safe. Focus up, Romanoff. Time to go to work.

* * *

I didn't know what to say to him, T'challa, faced with such grief. A man who lost his father and inherited a great burden. I worry about him and what he can do, what he will do. His threat ringing in my ears.

This wasn't happening. I had already seen the security footage, and I feel like a ghost is reappearing to haunt us all, as I think back to events in Washington. I feel a throb in my shoulder. But how could it be...

As I watch T'challa walk away from me, I look down at my phone which started to ring, unknown number, I answer, "Yeah?"

"You alright?" Steve's voice is sombre on the other end. And my breath catches in my chest at his voice, that he called me.

"Uh, yeah, thanks... I... I got lucky." I hear the sirens in the background, then I realize I hear them in his background too. He is here, somewhere close, I can practically feel his presence and my heart starts to race. He shouldn't be here... not now. He's supposed to be in London.

I stand up as try and figure out what to say, "I... I know how much Barnes means to you," I need to make him listen. "I really do." I take a deep breath, "Stay home. You'll only make this worse," Worse for yourself I want to say. Instead I add, "For all of us," Because Steve is a team player and I think it is the safest play, the easiest way to get through to him, "Please," I add into the phone.

"You saying you'll arrest me?" I can hear the forced lightness in his voice, trying to tease me but I feel worry building on itself as reality leaves my control.

"No," I shake my head and wonder if he can see me as I fight to control my emotions. I feel sick of the thought of Steve in handcuffs or what it might take to get him into them, "Someone will, if you interfere, that is how it works now."

"If he's this far gone Nat, I should be the one to bring him in."

I remember Steve in a hospital bed, unconscious in front of me, I remember before that, Steve bleeding on the banks of the Potomac, near dead, "Why?" I demand.

"Because I am the one least likely to die trying," And like that he is gone. I look at my phone and feel my emotions pulling apart my brain. "Shit,"

* * *

We are in Berlin, it has been a whirlwind few hours but I remind myself that the world is not ending. In fact, it could be worse. We have Bucky in custody, and no one got killed. We have Steve and Sam here and Tony managed to keep damage control in our hands.

So I breath a sigh of relief as I walk down the hallway towards them, I fall into step beside Steve, he is stony faced and sombre looking, but I feel almost giddy because no matter what, he is alive, here breathing, ok, "For the record, this is what making things worse looks like."

He simply responds, "He's alive."

We walk into the main staging centre, "Try not to break anything, while we fix this," I say cheekily, because I want things to go back to normal, and it seemed like we were going to lose everything there for a moment, but now it actually seems like Tony might be able to reign things in again.

"Consequences?" Steve asks as Tony gets off the phone.

"Secretary Ross wanted to press charges, I had to give him something." Tony said raising an eyebrow at Steve.

"I'm not gonna be getting that shield back, am I?" Steve asked, watching me walk away.

I smile at him, "Technically, it's the governments property," I smile at Sam, "Wings too,"

"That's cold," He says, staring back at me.

"Not as cold as jail," Tony says simply. And I remind myself of that. They aren't in jail. They are alive, and Tony thinks he can get Steve to sign, some ace up his sleeve he won't tell me about, says he wants it to be organic when he talks to Steve. Whatever it is I don't care, as long as it works. All I have to do is trust Tony. _Bozhe moi._

* * *

I am trying to relax. Everything is in hand. But yet, it feels like tension is building. But I try and focus as I watch the computer screens as Barnes is being evaluated.

I glance over my shoulder as Sharon joins Steve and Sam in the conference room while I am here on the outside. I try and ignore the fact that Sharon is here. That she seems so close with Steve now... Like I missed something, something transpiring. Her presence is like a thorn in my foot I can't dig out. Which is petty and small but I don't like the fact she is here, and try an actively forget that two years ago I was herding him towards her like a matador. But to be fair, that was before I thought there might have been some sort of a glimmer of hope...But now...

I look back at the screens. I feel like I am missing something, Like I am not in control and maybe that has something to do with the fact that Steve is in a conference room with Sharon. And I am outside. I am the one holding them, when days ago I was sitting beside him in a conference room, I was the one on his right side, his right hand, when Secretary Ross was addressing us.

But now we are on other ends of the spectrum and I never thought that would happen, not with Steve...yet here we are.

Suddenly the power goes down and we are all in the dark.


	22. 22: Steve

**A/N:** Hi Everyone! Big shout out to **bubbasmom** for the awesome reviews! Super glad to hear feedback! Hope you enjoy this chapter, it is a short one but more is coming soon! Thanks -Cat

 **Chapter Twenty-Two**

Steve

How did we end up here?

I had to call. I had to. It was like a compulsion. We watched the building explode on the television screen. The UN meeting in Vienna, obliterated in the middle of proceeding... the supposed evidence of Bucky's guilt in the form of security footage. And even though I stood in the room with Sharon on the phone behind me, after spending a surprising afternoon with her, all I can think about is Natasha.

The flames burst out of the windows in my mind over and over again. All I can do is wonder where she was sitting. As a special guest and representative of the Avengers she would be close to the podium. Too close.

I remember hearing the bullet as it tore through her flesh back in Washington as Bucky shot her. I remember pushing my body to run faster, to make it too her, before the final shot rang out. I made it that time. This time I was a country away from her. I couldn't run and save her. I didn't even know if she was alive for two hours before Sharon got a run down of casualties through the CIA.

Still, I had to call.

"Yeah?" was her brisk answer.

"You alright?" I find myself asking. I can see her, she had been talking to T'challa. She looks beautiful in her navy blue suit, even in the middle of this wreckage.

"Uh, yeah, thanks... I... I got lucky." She sounds shaken up and I find myself looking down at my feet, thoughts of how much worse this could have been flashing through my mind, "I... I know how much Barnes means to you...I really do. Stay home. You'll only make this worse. For all of us. Please," At her words I am instantly reminded of our new reality, how things are now. Her on one side, and me on the other... and I wonder how this happened. I don't know how she ended up there...

"You saying you'll arrest me?" I say trying to joke, but I didn't miss the desperation in her voice, I heard the worry.

"No," She says instantly, like there is no question, and I feel something in my chest at her words. A hope, maybe? "Someone will," She adds and I feel deflated, reminded of my new situation, feeling foolish to even think about hope, "If you interfere, that is how it works now."

"If he's this far gone Nat," I look over at her, standing in the middle of this chaos, covered in dust. And again I think of the bullet, how close he came to killing her, if I hadn't been there. I see her in my minds eye, standing in front of Bucky, facing off against him and my heart constricts. "I should be the one to bring him in."

"Why?" She demands. Like it isn't obvious.

"Because I am the one least likely to die trying," And I hang up the phone. Because there is nothing else for me to say. Nothing else I can say. Because I need her to understand, I can't sacrifice anyone's life, not Tony's, not her's, and not Bucky's.


	23. 23: Steve

**A/N:** Hi All, sorry for the delay in posting. If you feel like it, feel free to check out my instagram account for some new fan art :) you can find me at **touchnotthecat89.** Hope you enjoy this next chapter! -Cat

 **Chapter Twenty-Three**

Steve

We are in an abandoned warehouse, close to a canal and I try and wrap my mind around the image in front of me. Sam trying to make sure an unconscious Bucky's arm is tightly restrained in the industrial vice while none other than Madeline Wayne stands on the other side of his unconscious frame taking Bucky's pulse.

"Madeline," She looks up at my voice. She still looks like a drowned kitten, her blonde hair still wet. The fact she had Sam's leather jacket on, which looks huge on her, doesn't help, "A second?"

She purses her lips, like Madeline didn't like the idea of walking anywhere away from Bucky, but after glancing at him and Sam, she does walk over to me. I put some distance between myself and Bucky and thankfully Madeline keeps pace. I turn eventually, standing in a doorway that leads out on to the docks, "What are you doing here?" I start with the most obvious. Finding her in the helicopter had been a shock, finding her nearly managing to drown herself trying to get Bucky out of the helicopter had been an even bigger shock.

"They found us, I don't know how." She begins frantically, sounding breathless. Her eyes are huge as she looked back at the room Bucky was in, like she hated having him out of sight. I can't help but see the bright red marks on her neck, the ones that look sickeningly like finger marks, not to mention the redness and swelling across her left cheek, as well as the goose egg that is forming in the right upper corner of her forehead. "But we got made, and they just swooped in. Rhodey found me trying to get back to Bucky and took me into 'custody'-"

"No," I shake my head interrupting her, my brow furrowing, "How did _you_ get here? Why were you with Bucky in Bucharest?!"

She blinks and looks back at me like she hadn't thought to say, "Oh," She says, "I'm his doctor." She says it like it is the most obvious thing in the world.

I shift my weight from one foot to another, I am actively trying not to think about the fact I have no idea what is going on. Are Tony and Nat ok? Is Sharon ok? Bucky nearly brought the building to its knee's and here is Tony's twenty-something niece just telling me off the cuff she is Bucky's doctor? "What do you mean his doctor?" I ask patiently.

She swallows, "I have been helping Bucky try and figure out what HYDRA did to him. How they managed to control him. My research allowed me a unique perspective." I remember she is a neurologist and had been working on a study regarding memories having a genetic imprint or something.

"How long have you been working with him? How come Tony never mentioned-"

She rolls her eyes, "Do you honestly think Tony knew?" She has a point, She took a deep breath, "Two years ago Bucky appeared in my office. He told me everything." Her eyes were hard and I know she is telling me the truth, I realize this girl may know more current information about my old best friend than I do, "And I swore to help him. I have been keeping Bucky out of sight since then, trying to buy time so we could figure out what was going on with his brain."

I look at her and think about the gala at the Smithsonian when I first met her, the last time I saw her. That wasn't more than two years ago... Suddenly finding her in front of Bucky's display takes on a new slant, "You've done a good job," I say irritated.

She looks back over her shoulder at where Bucky is again, "Not good enough,"

"So, he is lucid when he isn't...?" He seemed... better when I found him in the apartment. He was making sense, he didn't seem to want to fight, yet he had. But then in the compound... I trail off as she meets my eyes.

"Completely," She says, and I realize how relieved she is that someone is actually listening to her. "This is the first time that he has ever..." Her eyes unfocused and I find myself looking at her neck again.

"Been the true Winter Soldier?" I finish for her. She looks at me and her eyes look tortured and she simply nods, "Ok, Sam will drive you back to the city centre and drop you off, then you can call Tony and-"

"What?! No!" She snaps interrupting me, "I'm not going anywhere!" She crosses her arms over her chest glaring up at me.

I purse my lips, "You can't stay here, not with us. It isn't safe."

"I have been with Bucky for the past two years, I think I know what I can and can't handle,"

"This isn't the same. Tony wouldn't want you getting caught up in this and I can't do that to him."

"Frankly _Captain_ , I don't care what you can and can't do." Her eyes looked fierce in comparison to a few moments ago when she had looks so concerned. "I am not leaving Bucky's side. I have been his physician for the past two years and the only one invested in figuring out what is going on in his brain. I have no intention of leaving him," She snarled up at me, "I haven't yet and it is going to take a hell of a lot more than just you to make me. Now if you don't mind, I have to go check his vitals."

Madeline turned on her heel and marched away from me back towards Bucky and Sam. I turn and face the canal. Worry is building in my chest. Having her here complicates things more. It will make Tony angrier and that will not help Bucky's case. But all the same, I find myself having a hard time arguing with her, firstly because if what she says is true, we need her. To help with Bucky, to give his case credibility. But I also feel the risk of her getting caught in the cross hairs. I also have a hard time forcing her to stand down since if I was in her position, could I walk away?

Well, obviously not. Bucky is my best friend, I can't walk away from him now. Even when half of the people I love are telling me to stand down or step aside. So how can I demand it of her now?

I find myself thinking of Nat for some reason. She just floats into my head. I remember seeing her on the other side of the board room glass. Standing with her back to me, watching Bucky converse with the fake doctor. I think of her trapped in one of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s cages long ago. With Barton the only one to help her out of her maze. But she found her way out. Funnily enough, she is the very reason I have faith in Bucky. I see her now, even with the knowledge of what she used to be, what she has done and she was still my Nat. The one who risks everything to do good. The one who threw away her happy ending to come and help me save the world...

The one who didn't agree with me any more... _Not_ mine.

Sometimes I feel like I know why she has sided with Tony. I just keep seeing the fear in her eyes, that day we all discussed the Accords. The way she seemed to be trying to look right into my soul, the fear in her eyes.

My brow furrows. Nat never let fear dictate any decisions. Why would she start now?

I take a deep breath and look out over the water, glancing up at the thrill of helicopter blades above us, the search is getting fast and furious now, "Hey Cap," I turn at Sam's voice and see him standing looking over at me. Here we go.

 **A/N:** Hi all, super excited to be bringing Madeline Wayne, my OC back into the story. If you are curious as to exactly how she ended up here, check out my story **All Pieced Together** , and if you just wanted to read the parts relevant to this story skip to Chapters 49 through 51, however I would recommend reading the whole story to really understand Madeline and Bucky's journey. Anyway know, let me know what you think! Thanks for reading -Cat


	24. 24: Steve

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

Steve

As I get out of the vehicle, I watch Sharon as she gets out of hers, "I don't think you understand the concept of a get away car," She teases.

"It's low profile," I respond walking over to her as she gets to her trunk. She is here. Helping us. Still.

"Good, cause this stuff tends to draw a crowd," She opens the trunk to reveal my shield as well as Sam's wings and a bag the had been Bucky and Madeline's evidently.

I look at her, "I owe you again," I saw, marvelling at the fact she is continuing to help me.

She smiles at me, Sharon really is beautiful, "Keeping a list," She says casually, sending me a small smile. I think back to when I thought she was just the nurse across the hall. I'n not sure which reality is better. Everything just had this way of becoming more and more complicated in my life. Yet here she was, in spite of it all. Helping me, regardless of the fact it put her in danger, at very least of losing her career, if not risking her life. As if reading my mind Sharon glared over her shoulder at the Volkswagen Sam, Bucky and Madeline were all currently packed into. "You know he basically tried to kill me right?" She asked looking back at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Sorry," I felt my shoulders sag, wondering who else Bucky hurt when he wasn't himself, "I'll put it on the list," I find myself saying. I take a moment before I look back up at her and I feel concern for her bubbling in my chest. "They are gonna come looking for you,"

"I know," Sharon says, nodding her head. I look up at her.

"Thank you Sharon," I look at her, what she has done, to help me, in spite of everything. She was here, and she saw me for what I was. She didn't doubt my judgement, or try and stop me, she only supported me, through all of this. Helped me find Bucky, helped me save Bucky. And I find myself stepping towards her, and within the instant my hand is on her neck, in her hair and I pull her close. Her lips find mind, and in a moment we are kissing.

It is a brutal assault on all my sense, I smell the lavender in her hair but then suddenly, as if a switch has been flipped I smell vanilla, from another woman's hair and another kiss, from nearly two years ago... And instead of Sharon, I taste someone else the bubblegum flavour she still had on her lips, and in an instant nothing feels right. But slowly I inhale, because this _is_ right, this is what is _supposed_ to happen. Because it is Sharon who is here with me. Sharon who has my back.

I pull back, slowly, and I hear her say, "That kiss was..."

"Late," I say looking at her, I am tired of waiting for something that is never going to happen. I am tired of holding my breath for something it feels like we have been on the cusp of for so long. I need to move forward. And it is clear that Nat doesn't want to move forward with me now.

"Damn right," Sharon said. I step back from her, because no matter what I still have echo's of Nat's kiss in my head. But I take a breath, just instinct. That will fade. "I should go," Sharon says and I nod.

I realize it will take time, but I want to move forward, I am tired of spinning my wheels.

A/N: Ugh, this was literally the hardest chapter for me to write because I cannot say how ANTI-Steve/Sharon I am. No offence to anyone who ships them. I just can't... I literally watched this scene about five hundred times trying to slant it my way, the Romanogers way, as much as possible but it is a tricky scene to say the least, we will just have to give Steve some time... and keep our fingers crossed lol ;) Updates soon to follow -Cat


	25. 25: Natasha

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

Natasha

"And I don't suppose you have any idea where they are?" I don't care for the tone in Secretary Ross's voice. My back and neck are still killing me from my encounter with Bucky and I don't appreciate the insinuation that we just let them walk out the door.

"We will, GSG9 has the borders covered," Tony says quickly. It is odd seeing him actually deferring to someone. I don't like it, it just makes me realize how strange our new reality is. "Recon is flying 24-7. They'll get a hit, we'll handle it."

"You don't get it Stark, it's not yours to handle." Ross's words really get my attention. "It's clear you can't be objective. I'm putting Special Op's on this."

This is insane, "And what happens when the shooting starts?" I ask feeling fear and desperation bubbling in my chest, "What are you going to do? Kill Steve Rogers?!"

My heart stops when he says, "If we are provoked." He has this infuriating way of only talking to Tony. Misogynist, "Barnes would have been eliminated in Romania if it hadn't been for Rogers. There are dead people who would be alive now. Feel free to check my math."

I want to argue, I want to point out that none of the soldiers who were sent to obtain Bucky were killed, nor were any staff members or personnel during his escape. Hurt, but not dead. But I don't I bit my tongue as I watch Tony sink into a chair and looks up at the secretary, "All do respect, you aren't going to solve this with boys and bullets, Ross. You gotta let us bring him in."

"And how would that end any differently than last time?" He asks skeptically.

"Because this time I won't be wearing loafers and a silk shirt." I can hear the exhaustion in Tony's voice, the frustration. I look across the table at him. "Seventy-Two hours, guaranteed."

"Thirty-Six hours," Ross corrects before turning from Tony, "Barnes, Rogers, Wilson," He lists them off like a hit list.

Tony watches him leave, "Thank you sir," I glance at Tony, ugh, makes me want to be sick. He leans forward and rubs his chest, letting out a big breath. "My left arm is numb, is that normal?"

I am not in a joking mood, however I still get up and walk over to him, putting my hand on his shoulder. I can't dismiss the fact that this has become even more personal for Tony. The discovery of his only niece, Madeline Wayne, who had evidently been at Bucky's side, helping him, hiding him, this whole time, had rocked his world completely. I purse my lips, Rhodey and Tony managed to keep her presence under the Secretary's radar but Tony is still the lighter shade of pale he turned when it was discovered Madeline was no longer in the room we were holding her in, instead replaced by an unconscious, tied up special forces officer.

I swallow as I look up from Tony. I feel like it is only him and I. In this whole building. I feel like we are the only ones invested in keeping Sam safe, Madeline safe, Steve... _safe_. Even Bucky. But it feels like every moment that is becoming harder and harder to accomplish. I can't believe I was stupid enough to feel relieved when they were first brought in. As if anything in our lives was that easy...

Steve...

I look out through the glass walls of the conference room and wonder where Steve is. Is he safe? I remember watching him run out of the boardroom when the power went down. I had considered following him, but I knew if I followed Tony would follow, and deep down I hoped they would just leave, save us from having to figure out the new Accords situation. Besides what would I have done? Tried to stop him from helping Bucky? Although the thought of Steve with the Bucky we came up against in the atrium makes me feel sick.

He was just as brutal as I remember from Washington. I don't see how Steve could be helping him. What if he had attacked Steve or Sam? I hate not knowing what is going on. I hate not helping Steve.

But I can't focus on that because I will start to spiral, and in order to keep Steve and Sam safe, I need to keep my head on straight. I need to focus, "You alright?" I ask looking down on Tony. I find it easier to stay level headed if I focus on someone else, a mission, a task.

"Always," He says. I cross my arms, of course he is. What does it matter to Tony if our entire reality was shifting on it's axis? "Thirty-Six hours, geez,"

I think about Barnes, he took out Tony, Carter and myself like we were fruit flies, "We are seriously understaffed."

"It would be great if we had a Hulk right about now," Tony said looking up at me, his eyes hopeful. Oh lord. Just what I need added to this emotional shit storm, "We have a shot?"

I think of the Accords and almost scoff, "You really think he'd be on our side?"

"Guess not," Tony said.

I think about how few people we do have on our side and I feel doubt in the back of my mind. But I quiet it right away. This was the law. I had to focus, this was about protecting Steve, it was always about that, protecting all of us. If we don't do this Secretary Ross is going to green light hell to rain down on Steve's head, we had to stop them. Make them understand. But how do we stop Barnes? The only person who even had a chance against him...

"I have an idea," I say to Tony.

"Me too," He looks back up at me, with confusion on his face, "Where's yours?" He asks me.

"Downstairs...where's yours?" And of course, like we aren't dealing with the very lives of some of the people closest to us, Tony simply smiles.


	26. 26: Natasha

Chapter Twenty-Six

Natasha

This was madness. It was like being trapped in a nightmare. Where you knew what was going on was wrong but you can't stop yourself. You can't stop anything. Because you are no longer in control. That is what happened at the airport.

We got there and I just wanted to keep Steve safe. He was just being so damned stubborn. But now... how did we end up fighting each other? How did we get so lost? This was never supposed to happen. Supporting the Accords had been about keeping us together, safe, on the right side of the law. Now I am watching us, blow each other up? The only people who have really cared about me? The only people who have looked out for me? And now we are tearing each other apart.

Now I stand against from Clint... and Steve. How did this happen? And what if Steve is right? He had to be. Dr. Broussard was no where to be found after Bucky's escape...

I feel like I am back where I started. Back to following orders that I have no business following. But they were Tony's orders... Or where they? Were we simply becoming puppets for Secretary Ross? ... Just like Steve predicted.

I climb off the portable stairs, and head towards what they wanted, the Quinn Jet. That is when I see her. Running towards the hanger. In the shadows, fairly out of sight, but there she is all the same, Madeline Wayne, sprinting towards the jet. So she was still with them.

Good play to keep her out of sight. Tony would have lost it, had he seen her. I pick up the pace and catch up with her, although she is surprisingly fast, for a billionaire doctor.

"I'm gonna need you to stop." I say once I get close enough for her to hear me. She stops, and I notice she is wearing some sort of gear. Her pants were a combat material with, protective shields. Under her leather jacket she had on a breastplate of some kind of composite armour. Hmm, they did come prepared. I can't help but add as she slowly tuns to face me, "Thank you."

"No need for that." Madeline said shortly. I notice how tense she is, but I can see from her stance it isn't fear, it's preparedness. She is anticipating a physical attack and ready for it. I find myself being distracted from the task at hand, who is this girl?

I raise an eyebrow at her sharp response, "What a 'thank you'?"

"No, polite banter. I am over it." I start to slowly circle her to watch her reaction as she responds with a completely Stark-like answer.

"Well, you are your Uncle's niece, I can give you that." I say as I watch her move. She doesn't just watch me circle her, she moves her body in parallel with mine so she is always facing me. This girl has had hand to hand combat training, extensive training.

She takes a deep breath like she is getting bored of our interaction. "You can try and stop me if you want. And I know you. I know what you've done, I've done my research. But I am not afraid of you. So, let's stop wasting time."

I watch her closely. She isn't afraid of me, "You would be willing to go against your uncle for him?" I am still confused about how Madeline exactly got entangled with Bucky or what their connection is but it seems to be very strong for her to go up against, what, her only living family member?

Madeline responds to my question instantly and vehemently, "Bucky didn't bomb the UN. He didn't do any of it."

I get it now. It's sort of ridiculous, but I know exactly why she is doing what is doing just because of the way she says his name. She loves him. Of course she loves him. I purse my lips, what else would make a person act against their own best interests like that? I think about a million moments involving Steve. I think about him out there, fighting for his best friend. Fighting against me. Didn't I start this because I wanted to protect him? I focus up on Madeline once again, "You gonna look after them?"

Madeline actually stopped circling and looked at me with a confused look on her face, "Of course I am." She said the words like it was the most obvious answer in the world. Only looking after someone isn't always that easy... sometimes you get lost along the way, and you don't even know you are lost until it is too late again.

I look at Madeline and her face holds an honesty to it. The kind that is no nonsense. Like she just doesn't have time to beat around the bush. "Get on the Jet." I say briskly, making my choice.

"Wait... what?" Madeline looks at me like I am trying to trick her.

I shake my head feeling tension build in my chest but knowing I have already made my choice, "I am not gonna fight you. Just get on the jet and get it ready."

She stares at me for a few seconds before starting to walk towards the jet but she hesitates when she gets to my side, "Thank you." She says quietly.

I look past Madeline, out onto the airfield and see Steve and Bucky running towards the hanger, "I don't know need any thanks," I say and Madeline simply nodded and took off towards the jet.

Suddenly the air traffic control tower started to crumble. It would block the hanger door, I start moving towards the opening not sure of what I am gonna do, but then suddenly a red aura appeared holding up the tower. Wanda is helping them somewhere. They were gonna make it. But in a few moments the red disappear and I hold my breath until the dust cleared and I see Steve and Bucky still running towards me.

They both come to a slow stop when they see me standing between them and the jet. Steve looked at me, his face looking tired. I look at him and just feel exhausted, "You aren't gonna stop, are you?" I ask quietly.

He gives his head the smallest of shakes, "You know I can't." He says simply. And he looks at me like I should already know the answer. Which I did. No matter what, I still know he is Steve.

I take a deep breath, I can see movement behind Steve, and I raise my arm. Steve looks shocked, good to know he would still be shocked if I actually betrayed him. It's odd that that is somehow a comfort to me. But it is. To know that even though I stood beside Tony and not him, Steve would still be surprised if I actually hurt him. I sigh realizing just how complicated my life was going to get, "I am gonna regret this," I say but it is pure sarcasm. Even if Steve and Bucky may not realise it is.

Steve looks me right in the eye as he thinks I am gonna shoot, and I see Bucky tense in my peripheral vision. But I let the shot off before he can, I dunno tackle me? Dive in front of the shot? But instead they both turn following the trajectory of the shot as my taser blast lands on T'Challa's armour. Steve turns back around to look at me, I glare back at him and practically growl, "Go,".

He nods and takes the opportunity, he and Bucky sprint towards the plane and before I can think about anything T'Challa is getting back up and I hit him again with a stun. What is this guy made of?

I realize that once again Steve is leaving to go help Bucky and just like last time, standing in a cemetery two years ago, I want to follow him. I want to help. I _have_ to help him. I can't not.

The Jet hovers into the air and shoots the debris out of the hanger door and I have to hit T'Challa with yet another stun to keep him away from the jet. Before I know it he is leaping into the air and for a second my heart stops as he manages to grab the landing gear but Steve is already raising it and he slips off the Jet back to the ground as they fly out of the hanger.

T'Challa slowly stands up and looks back at me, I shrug feeling his eyes on me even though I can't see them. "I said I would help you find them." I raise an eyebrow at him, "Not catch them, there is a difference."


	27. 27: Steve

A/N: Hi guys, sorry for the delay in posting. This is a short one but I am hoping to have more up ASAP! Enjoy -Cat

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Steve

Nat came through.

She had my back.

She was in my corner. Even when I didn't know it.

Now I steer the Quinn Jet towards Siberia, towards... I don't even know. Not really. But this is what I have to do, and for a moment I am glad things played out the way they did.

I am glad Nat isn't sitting beside me on the jet. Heading towards... whatever we are going to find. I think about Madeline in the back of the jet, talking to Bucky right now, in hushed tones. I thought we would be on the jet with everyone and her safety would be more secure, but now, with just Bucky and I ... I don't know what is going to happen.

I think about Bucky and Madeline. They are always tuned into one another. Whether they realize it or not, they are eyes are constantly following one another, one moves and the other shifts as if to follow. I wonder how my best friend ended up like this with one of my other best friend's niece, while evidently being in hiding for two years.

I stop. My other best friend... are we though? Will Tony ever see reason? I only hope that one day he will see what is actually going on, he will realize this isn't about him. However, my heart is heavy because I know eventually, everything is going to come to light. For the first time I am glad Ultron burned all those old S.H.I.E.L.D. and HYDRA files off the net. At least it gives me some more time. More time to figure things out.

Bucky sits down heavily in the seat behind me and we sit in silence for a moment before he speaks, "What is going to happen to your friends?"

I think back to the airport, Wanda and Clint, who I wanted to keep safe. Scott, who I just met but was still willing to have my back. Sam, who _always_ has my back, no matter what. The figure falling from the sky comes to my mind, we only saw it in the reflectors and by that time our com pieces were turned off, but ultimately what does it matter who fell out of the sky? They were all my friends, every last one of them on the tarmac. I think of Nat, left standing between us and T'challa.

"Well," I eventually say, "Whatever it is, I'll deal with it."

Bucky is silent at my response and then all of a sudden he speaks and his voices sounds sad, resigned, "I don't know if I am worth all this Steve."

I want to respond, with the perfect thing to say, but it is hard. I think of Natasha, trapped by the KGB, "What you did all those years..." I think of my friend Bucky, who would have given me the shirt off his back, who stood up for the little guy, "It wasn't you. You didn't have a choice."

"I know." I wonder what he is thinking about, "But I did it."

My heart sinks like it has been attached to an anchor. I think of the attempt on Nick Fury's life. I think about Howard and Maria Stark... and I wonder how we are ever going to see a light at the end of this tunnel.

But right now, right now I have to focus at the task at hand, nothing else is important. Save the world first, figure out how we can both exist in it, after.


	28. 28: Steve

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Steve

 _Floating Raft Prison_

I feel tension climbing up my spine as I open the doors on the cells. I worry about the face I don't see looking back at me. It's funny, the whole time flying here I was consumed with the idea of her being here. Now I see she isn't here, I worry more. The fact that I can't see her doesn't mean she isn't here, another thought that doesn't help my mounting worry.

They all march forward, as Scott instantly moves to help Wanda out of her extra restraints, I am able to focus back on Sam and Clint.

"Are we glad to see you." Sam says smiling, I take the hand offered to me and pull him into a hug, before turning and doing the same with Clint.

"Sorry I'm late." I say smiling back at Sam.

"You're right on time. What's the play?" Clint says focused like a laser.

"I have a jet up top," Scott and Wanda both join us and I hug both of them as well. "We are gonna get out of here and then regroup at a safe neutral location." They all nod, I smile raising an eyebrow, "Let's get outta here before our hosts start coming to."

Everyone nods in agreement, and I am able to catch Clint's eye before turning to lead the way out. He sees my glance and falls into step beside me, Sam not far behind.

I look at Clint as I lead the way out the corridor, and I don't bother to beat around the bush, "Is Nat here?"

It's all I have been able to think about since I left her behind in the hanger. I regret not asking her to come, I regret leaving her behind, after she came through for me when I didn't know if she would.

But Clint shakes his head, "No, at least, I haven't seen her."

Relief floods my chest, "These were the only active cells on the schematics." I say and Sam nods, catching my eye, a reassuring glance in his eyes.

I swallow feeling exposed but I couldn't not ask. I still didn't know yet what happened on the tarmac after Bucky and I flew away. At least, I know she is free. One thing I can let rest in my mind. I seem to be trapped in this self agonizing twist whenever Natasha comes into my thoughts. Which is more than it should be. Everything starts to shift in its slant, and I find myself barely able to think about the kiss with Sharon. It has become this complicated twist of emotions that leaned uncomfortably towards regret and guilt. For being impatient. For not waiting for her, for not knowing she would ultimately have my back.

But I shake my head because the more I allow myself to think about it, the more I am taken off task.

"Come on, let's go." I kick into gear and start to run the way out.

 _Wakanda_

Everyone is settled into their rooms after flying back here from the raft prison. T'Challa and I decided to give everyone a rest here before setting them up for living under the radar. But I can't rest.

I feel myself thinking about Nat. Wondering where she is. I breath in. Maybe Tony forgave her. I exhale, and think about Tony fighting Bucky. I look down at my feet as I think of Tony fighting _me_ , Tony realizing the truth. Realizing what I had kept from him.

Clint had reassured me, Nat would be fine. She knew how to keep under the radar, she had done it half her life. It was more like second nature to her, than the under the spot light life we had been living since coming out as the Avengers. I hadn't asked for his opinion, he had just offered it to me when I had dropped him off at his room.

I had been caught off guard, Clint never missed anything, so I don't know why this caught me unaware but it did.

"Nat will be fine, Steve." The way he called me by my name instead of his usual 'Cap' caught my attention. Like it was somehow a more personal conversation, outside the realm of Avengers.

"I am sure you would know better than me,"

Clint shrugged, "Natasha doesn't give anything away." It sounded like an explanation more than a placation. 'If she hasn't been taken into custody, she has found somewhere to hide. Stay off the radar. Somewhere she can lose herself and punish herself all at once."

I look up at his words and Clint meets my eye and shakes his head, "No matter who you think she may be, or who she wants the world to see," He shook his head taking a deep breath and I noticed just how tired Clint looked, "She will always be the little girl from that Red Room ." He sighed, "Won't let herself forget it. Doesn't think she deserves happiness." Clint met my eyes with an intensity that made me stand up straighter. I wanted to ask him what was up but before I got the chance he shook his head, looking away from me. But I still got the distinct impression that he had wanted to tell me something. Something about Nat. But instead, he looked around our new surrounds, "Everything that's happened, won't help with that."

I look away from Clint not sure what to say to that or what he expects me to say. I still don't know what exactly he is saying to me, his words seem to be dripping in double means and inferences. But that could also be me projecting. He looks up at me, "Bring her home." He said simply before turning into his quarters and leaving me standing there.

Now I stand in my room trying to think of what to do next. Before I can even begin to form any kind of plan there is a knock on the door. I turn, "Come in," to see Bucky come through the door.

I smile at his entrance as it is still nice just to see him walking around, hard to believe he is still alive. That we somehow managed to come through this all. Or at least, we have gotten this far.

"How ya holding up?" I ask taking a deep breath and turning to face my best friend. I worry about him since leaving Madeline Wayne behind without a word in Siberia. It had been a hard call but I knew we couldn't take her with us after fighting Tony. It wouldn't have been good for anyone. Tony would never have stopped looking for her. But this… maybe he would give us breathing room now. And Madeline's family isn't permanently fractured... hopefully.

Bucky looks in my face, "Somehow better than you, I think."

I shake my head, "Naw, just thinking about what comes next." I shrug my shoulders, crossing my arms over my chest as I focus in on him, allowing him to take my full attention. I watch as he sits on the arm rest of the long sofa that is in my room in the living room that sits outside my bedroom. I am still adjusting the luxury that comes with our stay in Wakanda.

"What comes next," Bucky nodded, looking down at his own toes, "Seems like I came by at the right time then," He looked up at me with a sad smile on his face, like he was resigned to something and I feel myself tensing.

"Don't know if I like where this is going."

Bucky shrugged, "Before I get into it, I wanna ask you to do something for me."

"Oh yeah?" I raise an eyebrow and look back at him.

Bucky smiles, "Yeah," He reached behind him and pulls a thick envelope out of the back pocket of his pants. "Can you make sure Madeline gets this?"

He hands me the envelope and I feel it in my hands, it's thick and heavy. "Long letter," I say looking up at him.

Bucky sighs, sitting up straighter . "I owe her a lot." He smiled and looked down at his hand. His eyebrows twitch upwards, "I owe her everything," He glances up at me under his hair but he doesn't hold my glance.

We drift into silence before he takes a deep breath, "I know we had to leave her, you were right. For her. You were right." Instantly he stood up again, as if agitated and I watch him closely, "And I probably should have left her a long time ago…. years," He shook his head, "But I couldn't." My friend looked up at me, "She made me feel safe. Home." Bucky shook his head, 'More delusion than anything else, and now…." Bucky's eyes rest on the envelope in my hand, "She'll probably never forgive me." He swallows looking back down before clearing his throat, "I just want her to know..." Bucky shook his head, before putting his hand back into his pocket, "I just owe her an explanation."

I straighten up, his words rattle around in my brain, 'She made me feel safe. Home.' "Explanation for what?" Somehow I didn't think he was referring to leaving her back in Siberia.

Bucky looked up at me and smiled, he looked tired, "That what I came in here for."


	29. 29: Natasha

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Natasha

 _Four Years Ago_

 _I see him in my peripheral vision. Watching me. I see when he turns around to come tow_ _ards me, and I find myself losing focus on drying my hair. I remember his arms around me as the rubble tumbled down on to us, I remember his arms holding me tightly, his body being banged into mine as he crouched over me, feeling him pick me up, before passing out…._

 _He stands in the doorway of the en suite bathroom and looks at me with concern, "You ok?"_

 _"Yeah," I say trying my best to sound casual. But I watch as he throws down the towel and comes towards me._

 _He sits across from me and fixes his big blues on me and I feel like they may as well be x-rays, "What's going on?" He asks me simply. As if touching base on our emotional well being is the status quo of our relationship. And I can't help but be slightly confused as to why he is even bothering to ask._

 _But I find myself wanting to tell him, which is terrifying and liberating all at the same time. Even more terrifying I find myself actually telling him what's wrong, "When I first joined S.H.I.E.L.D. I thought I was going straight." The words made me feel sick, my new reality made me feel sick. I look away from him, unable to believe this new landscape I found myself to be apart of. Except it isn't a new landscape, not really. I look back at him, almost to challenge him to argue with me, "I guess I just traded in the KGB for HYRDA." I suddenly feel tired. And I find myself looking away because even with my best effort I can't keep my front up, not now, not with him. "I thought I knew who's lies I was telling." I glance at him, "Guess I can't tell the difference any more."_

 _"There is a chance you might be in the wrong business." I can't help but look at Steve, surprised by his use of my own words against me._

 _I let out a breath and I find myself looking back into his eyes, getting lost in them and he simply looks back into mine. Like he isn't appalled by what he sees, like he isn't terrified of what lurks behind them. "I owe you,"_

 _He shakes his head, like I am offering to pay for lunch, "It's okay," He says, almost as if he wants to scoff._

 _But I feel myself tense at his attitude, because it isn't. It isn't ok. It is a big deal. He saved my life. That would of course be a big deal to me, and I want him to know that. That I don't take it lightly._

 _"If it was the other way around, and it was down to me to save your life," I hold his eyes. "And you be honest with me." And I breath out the question I am both excited and afraid of the answer for, "Would you trust me to do it?"_

 _And he doesn't even hesitate to answer, like there is no doubt in his mind, "I would now."_

I am haunted by this moment in time. It seems to take my breath away when I am least expecting it. Even now, in the middle of dance class. As my body moves, I can see Steve sitting across from me, clear as day, his blue eyes in the morning sunlight, the pull of his rare smile. It seems like a lifetime ago.

A lot of things haunt me now. Tony's last words to me ring in my ears usually following the memory of Steve.

 _"Boy, it must be hard to shake the double agent thing huh? Really, sticks in the DNA."_

But when it comes down to it, I don't regret anything I did. I _regret_ not opening my eyes sooner. I regret not realizing I wasn't making the right choice. I regret not telling him I would follow him anywhere after her funeral….

But I did help.

When it came down to it, I did have his back, and no matter what I wouldn't regret that. Even is my life now was somewhat unrecognizable.

I allowed myself to disappear after I left the Avengers compound. Or I should say, I wanted to disappear. I didn't want to be aware of who I was anymore, every decision I made. I wanted to be removed from a life where I was constantly thinking about where he was, if he was safe or not. But who was I kidding, I could run for the rest of my life, circle the globe five times and still not accomplish that.

But I did decide to hide in plain sight. It was really the best and easiest option. Try not to over complicate things. So I came back to New York and lost myself in Manhattan.

"Good class Nancy," The teacher smiles at me, calling me by my new alias, as we collect our belongings at the end of the ballet class. "You're a natural,"

I smile to myself, "Thanks,"

"Wish I could get you in some of my performance pieces, you would _kill_ on stage."

I shake my head, the blonde of my new hair catching my eye, from where it is tied in it's ponytail. A surprisingly hard adjustment, "Thanks Jackie but no thanks, just do this to keep the demons away."

She shakes her head and laughs, "You kill me, Nance," She shrugs, I cringe at how often she uses the word 'kill' as a positive descriptive. She has no idea... "Well if you change your mind…:"

I lift my bag onto my shoulder and leave the class. This is the last one I will come too. The teacher is paying me too much attention now. Shame, it was a nice excuse to get out of the house.

I take the stairs instead of the rickety ancient elevator, and as I descend I try and take deep breaths to steady my nerves. I had been here for nearly four weeks now, it was too long. I needed to leave New York behind, but I couldn't seem to bring myself to it. I didn't want to leave here. It felt too final.

But ultimately, I don't know what to do. I feel like I am almost trapped, spinning my wheels. which frightens me more than anything, because it has never happened to me before. I have always known what to do next, but now. Now I found myself…. Stuck.

I hit the lobby and walk out into the evening air. It was a cool day, and had been overcast for most of it. It really felt like fall, like the clouds could open up and rain could just pour down on us.

I glance up at the cold grey sky, the grey clouds no longer looking fluffy but menacing, with dark grey underbellies. I looked down zipping up my hoody against the cool breeze and march down the stairs ready for the walk to subway but the voice stops me dead.

"Hey there,"

I freeze, because I don't need to move or look or hear him again to know it's him. I look up and there he is, there is Steve looking at me from under a low baseball cap. And I stand there like a statue. He is leaning against a motorcycle parked right in front of the building.

He had stubble on his jawline, like he hadn't been shaving, and his hair looked a little longer under the ball cap he was wearing. I feel like I can't breath while I look at him, like my lungs are simply going to burst. Because I hadn't really allowed myself to realise, until he was there right in front of me again, how scared I was that I would never see him again. But here he was. Looking at me with his eyes, a smile barely on his lips, like he is taking in everything I do, everything my body is telling him about his sudden appearence in my world.

"You're a hard woman to find." He says still looking up at me, standing up from the bike.

I smile taking a deep breath, and walk down the stairs towards him, "Didn't realise anyone was looking." I stop on the sidewalk right in front of him.

He squints at me, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth, "You should know better."

I shake my head, because I don't know what else to say in response to that. Not without losing my calm facade, "What are you doing here?" I ask shaking my head, glancing up at him from under my lashes.

He looks up and down the street, "Do you have somewhere we can talk?" He fixes me with an intense gaze and I smile nodding.

"Yeah," I take a deep breath.

"Come on," He hands me a helmet from the back of the bike before getting on it. I take a deep breath before getting on the bike behind him. I pull the helmet down over my head and lean forward wrapping my arms around his body as Steve kicked the bike to life beneath us. "Where to?" He asks over his shoulder.

I can't' help but chuckle, "Do you think you can remember your way to Brooklyn?"

I feel him chuckle under my arms, I feel the laugher deep in his chest, hidden deep like a gem. "I think I can,"

* * *

He follows me up the stairs of the sixth story walk up. I hesitate as the door down the hall from mine opens, unsure of what I am expecting but it would seem that having Steve just a few feet from me again makes me afraid that CIA agents are going to come pouring out but they don't. Instead my seventy year old neighbour looks out her door.

"Oh Nancy dear, it's just you. And a friend?" The woman was addicted to gossip.

"Yes Mrs. Galafanakis," I smile at her but keep moving past her doorway. The mistake was to stop, then she would never stop talking.

"Nice friend," Mrs. Galafanakis said gleefully smiling up at Steve like she was a school girl.

I feel myself blush to my immense irritation and find myself not able to look at Steve, instead I focus on the ancient, well worn art deco tiles under my feet. But somehow I know exactly what he looks like, smiling all bashfully at his feet, slight blush dusting over his cheek bones. Good lord, I am such a lost cause.

I sigh, making a mental note to get ready to move. Sure, Mrs. Galafanakis' television habits are limited to day time soap operas but the chances of her recognizing Steve were high, even with his cave man stubble. Then it would be a short hop, skip and a jump before she figured out who 'Nancy' really was. Ugh, moving. Part and parcel though.

We make it to the door, and I quickly unlock it and step through, letting Steve follow me in.

It seemed odd, out of place to have Steve in my little hideout apartment, like he wasn't meant to fit with the steampunk light fixtures and exposed brick. But yet as I watch him walk into the small one room flat and look around, I find myself noticing how at home he does still manage to look. Like he could fit into this fake life I created for myself. But I shake my head because that isn't what is going to happen.

He looks at me suddenly from in the kitchen and catches me watching him, and I feel that lingering blush creeping up the back of my neck again and I clear my throat, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. "Nancy, huh?" He asks casually leaning back against the stove.

I shrug, "Easier to stay with names that have the first letter of your real first name. Easier to respond to." I blink, realising I am rambling. He isn't here to learn the basics of being a double agent. I take a deep breath, shaking my head before looking at him and I can't help the smile that pulls at my lips when I look at him. "What are you doing here Steve?" I ask. I want to know. Without a shadow of a doubt.

Steve stands up from the stove and takes the small step that is needed to come to stand against my little island counter, his hands rest on the counter, stretching out. "You didn't come with us." He meets my eyes shrugging. His eyes search mine, looking for an answer? I don't know anymore whether I am even able to look at him objectively. Since standing on that tarmac in that hanger I feel like the only thing I can honestly see in Steve is the hurricane of my own emotion. No more boxes that fit. Tony was wrong, I couldn't do it any more, be a double agent. Not well anymore, these idiots all burrowed their way into my soul, who I am and what I want, I don't have my clarity any more. No one fits in a box anymore, let alone Steve. Steve's boxes exploded.

I shake my head, trying to just hear his words, bias free, the only longing I hear in his voice is from my own desperate projections. "You didn't need me to come with you." I walk into the apartment and drop my bag onto the arm chair I have in the living room, unzipping my hoody and leaning back onto one foot.

Steve stands up from leaning on the counter, to fix me with his gaze, lock onto my eyes, as if not allowing my darting gaze to flit away uncomfortably. Funnily enough, even as exposed as I felt having him look into my eyes, it wasn't uncomfortable, because I knew I trusted him, I always had, "I need you with me Nat," It was like being splashed with cold water, as he crossed his arms over his chest as he shrugged "When you aren't by my side, nothing goes right. I need you." I simply stare back up at him, feeling my brow pulling together, "I needed you then and you still had my back." Slowly, he walked out from behind the kitchen counter to come and stand in the middle of the room, "I need you on my side, by my side."

I step away from him and turn around, unable to face whatever it is Steve is or isn't trying to tell me, it won't seem to compute in my mind. "I should have done more. I shouldn't have…"

I briskly walk past him only to stop at the kitchen's island but I feel Steve turning, following close behind me, and he is talking before I even know where I am going, "You don't have to make excuses for your decisions Nat, I understand." I feel his hand on my arm and my whole body tenses, as flight or fright instincts rush through my body. I try to tamp them down, it's just Steve. We have been in situations like this before. But he has never said things like this exactly to me before but I shake my head, he is speaking professionally of course. But then his tone doesn't seem professional. but I don't know any more. I turn to face him and am still caught off guard by just how close he is to me, only a couple of inches away from me, looking down at me, his eyes dark and stormy. "You don't have to apologize to me, you know that right?"

But I do because Steve... he is my everything. I hold his eyes and think back to asking him to dinner, what, only a blink of an eye ago? So much seems to have changed and shifted since then. I feel like we are on a totally different plane now. I bit my lower lip holding his eyes before finding words, "I wanted to look after you." I say quietly, his brow clears and I find the fear flare in my chest, "Everyone," I shake my head, "I wanted to keep us safe... and on the right side."

His hand finds my arm again and I feel his finger tips trace up my arm, through my black hoody as they find their way to my shoulder where he lets his hand rest and it feels like it weights 100 pounds at the same time it shoots electricity through my body. "I know why you did it," He says simply.

My brow furrows again as I stare up at him and cross my arms over my chest, "Do you?" I scoff looking down to see the tips of his motorcycle boots so close to the tips of my sneakers.

"Yeah, I do." I look back up at the intensity of his voice, "I know you Nat, whether you want me to or not." A half smile pulls at the corner of his mouth, "Sometimes I don't think you want me to. But I do."

I shake my head, "You _think_ you know-"

"I watch." He cuts me off and I look at him wide eyed, "I watch you, I pay attention. To more than the history or the stories or the files, but to you. I know you Nat." My heart pounds in my chest to the point where I feel like I can barely breath at the same time. "Timing hasn't been on our side," gingerly his hand comes up further and I manage to glance at it before his fingers are tracing my neck, brushing my new blonde hair back from my shoulder. I feel like I am shaking so hard I am gonna shatter.

So many things pour into my mind all at once, so many moments, so many things to worry about or over analyze. But I find I don't want to do that. I want to do what I have wanted to do for what? Seven years almost? And just as I know that, my mind clears, clears of the voices of doubt, or concern or practicality that chain me up in my normal life. I take a deep breath and in a second I step forward, Steve freezes or maybe I am just moving too fast. But I step up to him, closing that final gap. My hands just reach up to him taking his face in my hands, and I can feel his perfect bone structure under the tickle of his beard and I pull him to me and find no resistance as I roll up onto my toes and I find my lips on his.

And exactly like that I find myself disappearing into the kiss, familiar and shocking all at the same time. my entire body feels like it is instantly on fire. His hands find my hips and he pulls me to him, deepening the kiss, soon his right arm is wrapped around me, crushing me into his chest.

He smells amazing, like leather, classic old spice, and... grass? fresh cut grass maybe? Like spring and bar-b-q's and every cliche of an all American man. And that smell pulls me deeper into this devastating moment, which I don't want to end. I wrap an arm around his neck, my other hand finding it's way into his hair. I don't want this to stop because eventually reality has to come crashing down on me, and let's face it, reality isn't exactly easy on me ever.

All in a moment, he lifts me up off the ground and I am in his arms. I don't hesitate to wrap my legs around his body. His one arm wraps tightly around and under me, holding me steadily, like I weight nothing at all. His other hands comes up to my face and I feel his thumb brush along my cheek bone, his fingers playing in my hair hanging beside my face.

I am intoxicated by every element of this moment in time and I find myself turning into his hand, breaking the kiss to turn into his hand letting it cradle my cheek with my eyes closed before I take a deep breath and open my eyes again and look down into his blue eyes looking back up at me, and his doesn't move to let me down, doesn't even shift. "What are you doing here Steve?" I find myself asking him again.

"I told you Nat," His brows twitch to a innocent expression and he looks up at me with such an open honest look I feel my breath taken away again. "I came for you. Just you."

And in that moment I allow myself to let go. His hand reaches up and he takes my cheek in his hand, and it fits so perfectly, his fingers working their way into my hair, like we were meant to fit together. Something I had never considered. He pulls my face down to his, and I allow myself to melt into his kiss. I let everything else melt away from us and just exist in this perfect moment. This moment in which Steve wants me, Natasha, by his side.

His kiss electrifies my whole body as I revel in the very taste of him. His hand braces my head as his other lets go of my body, I tighten my legs around his waist pulling myself closer to him, pressing my chest into his. His other arm rubs my back letting me relax into him, his hand moving up and under the back of my shirt, and I can feel every callus on his palm and I revel in it.

He steps back and finds the edge of my bed and gently his sits back onto it. And in a moment we break the kiss so I can shed my sweater and before I am done Steve is already pulling my shirt over my head, almost as desperate as me.

In this moment I know, I have never been this human. It has been missing from anything else like this, and I can't even pinpoint what it is but I know when I look into his face, sitting in his lap, in only my bra and jeans, I am complete and I feel myself falling against him again, pushing him back onto the mattress and we let the world fall away from us.


	30. 30: Steve

A/N: Hey all, hope you are enjoying our clandestine moment! Hope you are looking forward to more revelry. Enjoy -Cat!

Chapter Thirty

Steve

She was complicated. She was irritatingly stubborn, and arrogant and cavalier. She made jokes at inappropriate times. She flaunted authority. She was devastatingly deadly.

Yet she was also more than that as well. She was vulnerable, and scared, and funny. And breathtakingly beautiful, but in her very own way, not a general kind of pretty. She was a complete individual. When I saw her walk out the door, even with her new blonde hair, I barely needed to glance at her to know it was her. Like I just knew she was going to step through the doors of the building. A somewhat shabby looking building, two blocks off of Times Square. The dance floor was evidently on the third floor up.

It had taken more time than I thought to find her. Clint hadn't been lying when he said she knew how to disappear. But I couldn't seem to stop looking. No matter how often I thought, maybe she doesn't want to be found?

Don't get me wrong, the thought crossed my mind more than a few times. Each time varying in intensity and desperation, but always there. But for some reason I always came to the conclusion that if she wanted me to leave her alone, than she could tell me to my face.

Also, I just needed to know she was okay. More than anything else. I needed to know she was safe. And there she was, positively glowing after the dance class. I can practically hear her in my head, ' _I'm sweating Steve, calm down. Not everything is a Botticelli painting'_ or something equally brutal. But she steps out into the early evening washed out light, the grey light from the heavy overcast clouds that had allowed us for an easy, low profile landing that very morning. I notice her hair right away, and I find my self missing the signature red but at the same time appreciating the new blonde that swayed in her hurried ponytail. Her ballet slippers hung around her neck, the laces tied around her neck. Her back pack was casually slung over one shoulder and she looked up at the sky before she noticed me.

She looked tired. Not unsettlingly so, but just... like she hadn't had a really good nights sleep in a while. And I don't think it was until that point in time that I realized why I was really here. Sure, I wanted her back at my side, my partner in arms, my right hand. She balance my thoughts, gave me a clarity when it came to the world as it was now, not as how I remember it to be. I needed her, I need her to be able to make the difference I should in the world.

Now that Bucky has decided to go back under... into the ice as it were, I realized that is what I needed to do. Wanted to do, help where I still can. And Sam had decided he wanted to join me.

' _Not like I am fighting off the job offers right now,'_ He had said jokingly to me. And as much as I appreciated his help, I also knew I needed her. Natasha. More than anyone else. But then, seeing her this afternoon, it was just clear. No doubt, no indecision. I was there for more than that. More than just the professional.

I couldn't fight it any more, I didn't want to deny it, or overcomplicate it. I didn't want to see her with Bruce, I didn't want to hurt Sharon. Because all I really wanted was her. Because she was who I needed. Who made everything else make sense. Who helped guide me, she was the one I could actually see a future with. I couldn't seem to frame it with anyone else. Not that I let myself fantasize about it...her... our 'future', but for some reason it always was there, lingering no matter how hard I denied it. Her.

 _"_ _I need you with me Nat, when you aren't by my side, nothing goes right. I need you. I needed you then and you still had my back. I need you on my side, by my side."_

I meant it, and still mean it. I remember how shockingly easy it was to say the words to her. Funny, I had been struggling all these years with what I felt for her, and how to bring it up, if at all even. But now, I was done wasting time. I almost lost her, on so many levels and I didn't want to take that risk again, not without knowing I had laid all my cards on the table, first.

She had looked so surprised, confused by what I was saying. Like I was speaking a different language or something. It had caught me off guard, hadn't she been the one to ask me to dinner? But then, in that moment, I realize how much of a toll all this has taken on her, the Accords, being caught in the middle. And my heart thudded in my chest.

And for a moment, I was concerned. That she didn't understand what I was saying to her, not really. But that was until of course, she kissed me.

It had been earth shaking. Her kiss shook my whole body, my whole being. I had felt her to my very core and I let myself get lost in her.

Now I lay here, in her bed. Staring up at the ceiling, illuminated by the bright neon lights from the street below us. Her bed backs on to the enormous widow overlooking the bright New York Street. She lays beside me, her back pressed against my side, her head resting in the crook of my shoulder. Fitting perfectly beside me, like she was always meant to be there, her body intertwined with mine.

She was staring down my arm, her finger tracing a pattern on my forearm that lay stretched out on the bed beside her. I find it hard to fathom the perfection of this moment. I don't want anything to ruin it. I turn to look down at her, and I feel her shift into me more. I can practically see her expression without having to see her, glancing over her shoulder, the corner of her mouth catching only slightly. I lean forward and kiss the top of her head, my nostrils filling with the sweet scent of her vanilla shampoo, and I can't help but smile into her hair.

"I like the new hair," I say in a stern voice.

"Oh yeah?" She says and her voice sounds like she is smiling.

"Yeah," I say finally, "I wasn't sure at first, but now," She rolls onto her other side so she is facing me and I look into her amazingly bright green eyes, "I kinda like it."

Her right eyebrow hitches and the smile cracks on the left side of her face, "Glad to know it meets your standards."

I roll my eyes, "You know what I mean," I lean forward and kiss her this time on the forehead, and she nestles into me. And I can't help but wrap my arm around her, holding her tight, never wanting to let her go. I feel the even rhythm of her breathing and I am lost in her presence. "Nat?"

"Mmmm?" I think her eyes are closed, I can feel her eyelashes tickling my chest.

"Why Brooklyn?" I ask. I have been wondering since she so casually dropped my old neighbourhood on the back of the bike earlier.

I feel her breathing hitch, only slightly, and if I hadn't been holding her so tight I wouldn't have noticed it at all. She pulls back and looks up into my eyes, biting her lower lip in a tantalizing way. Her brow tightens over her eyes and I look down into them feeling my brow pulling together slightly as I waited for her answer, "I wanted..." She took a breath like she was trying to think of a way to phrase what she was trying to say, I raised an eyebrow at her and her smile got bigger, brighter, more beautiful. She rolled her eyes and than took another deep breath like she was bracing herself to say something, "I wanted to be somewhere safe, and Brooklyn made me think of you." Her eyes were huge, vulnerable, and looked like they were looking right into my soul. "And you make me feel safe." She said simply on an exhale.

I feel my heart swell at her words, I pull her up to me and kiss her lips, so soft and so sweet that I can't help but melt into them, like she is pulling in my very soul. I feel her hand come up and lightly trace over my bone structure. I promised myself I would spend the rest of time if I had to, making sure she never lost that feeling.

She pulls back and nestles into my chest, wrapping her arms gently around my body, and rests her head on my chest and I lay back onto the pillows again. "Stupid, huh?" She mumbled into my chest.

I glanced down at her there in my arms, still having a slightly hard time believing we are here. That she was in my arms, in bed. It was intoxicating. "No, not stupid." She chuckles like she doesn't believe me, "I came to find my home."

She struggles out of my arm and against the intertwined sheets to lean up on her arm and look down at me, her brow furrowed, she raised an eyebrow, "And you found me?" She asks as if to clarify.

"Well, I wasn't looking for a good dance studio." It's like I can't help myself, I lean up, and reach and take her face in one hand, my thumb brushes over her perfect cheek just before I find myself kissing her again. And once again we are pulled into each other, as if we are starving souls falling on an enormous feast. I remember once Bucky said that kissing Madeline had been like breathing. I knew what he was talking about. Like life before her was the _before_ , this was the present. And I felt like I was existing on a higher plane.

About an hour later we lay again, my head has somehow managed to end up at the end of the bed, my feet on my pillow, and I look out the enormous window at the old brick building across the street from Nat's apartment. Her head lay on my stomach and she watched the lights on the ceiling now.

"So, what's the play here, Steve?" She asks her voice drawling. She blinks slowly before turning her head to look up at me, over my chest and into my eyes. She looks hesitant as if she is afraid she is gonna wake up from a dream.

"We are set to fly out tomorrow," I can't help but reach out and tuck a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

She raised an eyebrow, "We just gonna walk into JFK? International departures?" Her lips pull at the corners of her mouth.

"Uh no," I roll my eyes and look out the window stretching my arms above my head, "I've got a ride waiting." Gently, so as not to upset her too much I sit up, "I need water. You are killing me woman,"

She giggles rolling over, seamlessly wrapping herself up in the sheet. I get up off the bed and grab my boxer briefs off the floor and bashfully step into them. Somehow up and off the bed I realize what actually just happened and even as I smile to myself, I can't help the blush that I felt creepy up my shoulders.

I walk into the kitchen and before I have to ask, I hear over my shoulder, "Cupboard to left of the sink." I open it to find glasses, pull out a big one and head to the sink. "Oh, no. There is a jug in the fridge." She says again. I glance over my shoulder at her, she shrugs in bed not looking at me or sitting up, just like she knows I am looking at her, "Old pipes," She says as way of explanation.

I chuckle to myself but oblige her and get water out of the fridge. I look around the small one room apartment and wonder what her days have consisted of. How she has pasted her time. I drink back the cold water and walk back over the bed and I sit on the end of the bed, pulling my leg up and under me. She sat up and faced me, and reached for the glass, I hand it to her. She smiles as I watch her gently sip the water. She puts the glass down. I look at the glass, furrow my brow, raising an eyebrow, looking back up at her I cock my head to the side, "Really?" She rolls her eyes, scoffing, letting out a big breath. "It's me, Nat,"

She stares at me like she is confused, "That's what I keep trying to tell myself," with that she gulps down the rest of the glass at a ridiculous speed. She swallows in a big obnoxious gulp, and then looks at me, raising her eyebrows briefly, "Happy?"

I look in her eyes, and hold her gaze. I take a breath leaning back on the bed, "Yes, yes I am." She just stares back at me, and what I wouldn't give to know what is going through her brain, but instead I take a breath. I look at the clock on the wall in the kitchen before looking back at Natasha. "We should go in an hour or so." I glance around the apartment, "Do you need to get anything before we leave?"

"Yes, there is something I need before we go." I look back at her to see her crawling on the bed towards me and soon she is in front of me, and I reach for her as she leans down letting her lips brush over mine. All I can do is think, ' _Yeah, we've got time_ ,' as Nat pushed me back down onto the bed and straddled over my body and I let myself be swept away in the unadulterated euphoria of this moment, trying to commit this perfect night to memory forever.

A/N: More is coming soon! Thanks for reading -Cat


	31. 31: Natasha

A/N: Hey all, thanks for the positive reviews! Loving writing this story, and so stoked to be at such a catalyst! Please enjoy this update! -Cat

Chapter Thirty-One

Natasha

I feel like I am floating. Like my head isn't properly attached to my body any more. I move through the apartment trying to remember if I have everything important. Cash, passport, pictures of the Bartons, my first edition Anna Karenina, some of the clothes I bought that I really like.

Steve comes out of the bathroom pulling his t-shirt down over his perfect chest. The chest I had my head resting on a few moments ago, the chest I ran my fingertips down, memorizing every plain. And just like that, there goes my head spinning off again.

"Do you need help with anything?" He asks looking around the apartment, picking up his crew neck sweater up off the ground at the foot of the bed.

"Uh," I look down into my backpack. "No," I shake my head looking up at him, "I think I have everything I need." It is a scary feeling. For some reason, leaving with him now, after last night. I find a new anxiety in the back of my mind but I try and shake it.

Steve grabs his jacket and wonders around the apartment looking at the floating shelves on the walls. "Who are all these people?" He asks turning to me, pointing his finger at one of the many frames I have displayed.

I shrug, crossing my arms over my chest, "Just people." He raises an eyebrow. I role my eyes and walk over to the shelf and look at the family, a mother, a father and their little boy who has bright red hair like mine. Another set follows an elderly couple. The final is of a girl early twenties, again red hair like mine. I lick my lips and glance at Steve, who simply looks down at me with curiosity and patience. I take a breath, well, he has seen all of the physical me, may as well trust him with my secret habits now too. "It's something I always did when I was in deep cover. I would get to where ever I was going and the first day I would go out and take pictures of people." I look at the pictures, and shrug, "People who would make sense I would know, parents, a little sister, maybe an auntie and some cousins." I focus on the elderly couple smiling at each other on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry, she looked like her hair used to be red, "I would follow them around for a few hours try and get some good candid shots." I look at Steve shaking my head, "Makes it seem more real when people come over to your place, if you have pictures of the same people out. Recurring themes."

His eyes look warm, gentle, "Did you learn that in the Red Room?"

I shake my head, "No. Just something I just sort of started doing. Now I can't seem to not. Escapism, I guess." His arm wraps around my shoulders and I feel him kiss the top of my head. And I let him hold me because it is intoxicating and comforting and I have never really felt that, at least not like this before. And he doesn't make me feel broken for following complete strangers projecting relationships and lives on them.

"Come on," I look up at him, and he smiles at me, "Our ride will be waiting."

"Sure thing Cap," I say smiling up at him and we leave the little apartment behind. Another chapter closed.

* * *

Steve parks the bike in the public tourist lot at the end of the Brooklyn Bridge. He leaves the key in the ignition but takes a pocket knife from his back pocket of his jeans and punctures the back tire. I look at him. I lean back on one foot and feel one side of my mouth pull into a smile, "Someone will still steal it you know."

"Can you steal an already stolen bike?" Steve asks from his crouch by the back tire.

I smile at him, " _Borrowed."_ I offer and he looks up at me smiling, and I know he is thinking back, to what felt like a life time ago. "Here," I swing my backpack around and reach into one of the front pockets and pull out a wad of cash. I count out a few hundred dollars and stick it in the compartment beneath the seat. "Should pay for a new tire, and the approximate rental of a bike like this for the day."

"Assuming someone doesn't steal it first?" He asked raising an eyebrow. I role my eyes and pull out my cell phone which I had already encrypted to be none traceable.

I quickly text the crime stoppers hotline a tip. "There," I look up at Steve, "Should be picked up within the next few hours."

"Come on, I don't want to get picked up with it." He reaches for my hand like it is the most normal thing in the world. And I stare at it for a second before my own hand, as if with a mind of its own, found its way into Steve's.

We start walking and I feel my brain spinning. Holding hands with Steve, early morning stroll down the Brooklyn Bridge. This was not my life.

Except... it was. I swallow and feel that anxiety again in the back of my mind. I drop my cell phone in a garbage can we walk past and look up at Steve, "So, I know you can all super soldier off this bridge and just swim away but I may have some trouble with that. So I am seriously hoping that isn't your plan." It's early and there are only a few early cyclists and runners on the bridge.

"No," Steve says a chuckle deep in his voice. "Not exactly, I was thinking more skyward."

He squeezed my hand and then gently let it go. It caught me off guard as I was looking out over the skyline of Manhattan. I look up at him but he is already looking at me, smiling down at me, as if to reassure me.

"Finally," The voice is instantly recognizable from in front of me. I turn and see none other than Sam Wilson leaning against one of the bridge's towers by a utility door. Military green ball cap pulled low over a pair of big shiny reflective aviators. And just like that I know why Steve let go of my hand, and I find myself glancing up at him, as he smiles at Sam.

He knew I wouldn't be ok with Sam seeing us like that, not yet at least, intimate, close. He really does know me. I find the realization terrifying.

"Sorry," Steve says bashfully, looking at his shoes, " We got caught up," Steve shakes Sam's hand pulling him into a manly half hug and I roll my eyes at their antics.

"I'll bet you did," Sam said chuckling and I glare at him at the inference but soon he is turning on me and before I get a chance to prepare for it, Sam swoops me into rib crushing hug, literally picking me up off the ground. "Naaaat!" He says gleefully before dropping me back down.

I smile up at him shaking my head, "Hi Sam, missed you too."

Sam turns from us and Steve falls into step with him and I follow Steve's lead. Sam walks to the utility door and opens it, not locked. "I mean, it just feels right, ya know?" He holds the door for us and I lead the way into the small space and look at the staircase that goes straight up. "Us three back together, right?!" He sounds gleeful.

"Yeah, you mentioned on the way here." Steve said his voice light.

The mountainous hike up the stairs does not make Sam hesitate his gleeful banter. As I come the end of the stairs he is still going. "I mean, it's just... this is the _real_ team Cap right? Us three, the original trifecta."

"Yeah, you made that clear Sam,"

"The tripod,"

"Yup, mentioned that too."

"The triforce."

I look at Sam, "I love you too, Sam."

He smiles so brightly at me, it makes me feel quite lucky, "Just feels right. Come on," Sam opens a door in the wall and I look out over the East River and the struts of the bridge. "We should get moving before the cloud cover clears up."

"Um, so you know we can't all fly right?" I say looking back at Sam and Steve. Who share a look that clearly says they know something I don't know. I roll my eyes, "What's up?"

"Oh, we have a ride," Sam says smiling down at me. He pulls a small back device out of his pocket and clicks it and suddenly on the other side of the door a huge jet just seemed to appear as it's camouflaged outside deactivated. And there it was just perched on the side of the Brooklyn bridge tower. Hanging off the side like a bat. "Come on, not the most inconspicuous at the moment."

The three of us make the jump and all land in the new jet. It is amazing, like nothing I have ever seen before. I move to the front of the plane, following Sam as he slides into the pilot's seat and look at the dash.

"This is amazing..." I say quietly. It isn't Stark tech. Or S.H.I.E.L.D.

"I know right?" Sam said smiling at me over his shoulder. He hits a few buttons and the nose of the plane that I can see out the windshield disappears again. "We ready to ride?" Sam asks.

I feel Steve's hand on my arm and I tear my eyes off the amazing jet to move behind Sam and sit in one of the other seats, which I also realize seems to floating, based off of some sort of magnet tech. I look over at Steve who sends me this knowing smile. I sit down and pull the restraints over my lap. "Where did you two manage to find this?" I ask.

"It's a loan," Steve said shrugging at the same time Sam said, "It was a gift!" Steve glances up at the back of Sam's head, " _Loan_ ," He reiterates.

I can hear Sam mumble, "You say _loan_ , I say _gift_." And I can't help but chuckle.

"We got it from T'Challa." Steve says fixing me with a gaze, and my head snaps around to look at Steve.

"T'Challa? From Wakanda?" I clarify. Steve nods, I look around the crazy advanced tech on the wall, simulation holographic mapping systems, triangulated satellite navigation. "Goat farming must be booming." I say raising my eyebrows.

"Uh, Wakanda's number one export is _textiles_." Sam said knowingly from up front. I glance at Steve who shrugs.

"Sam has made some friends, likes to sit in on some of the school's classes."

"Awww, Nat you're gonna love it." Sam says brightly.

I look out the window and see New York falling away from us. "That's where you guys have been?" I ask.

"Yeah, it turns out it is surprisingly easy to lay low there." Steve said his voice gentle.

I nervously rub my palm along the arm rest of the seat I am in. I turn to look back at Steve, "So, does T'Challa know what you were doing when you asked to take the jet out?" All I can think about is slamming T'Challa with not one, not two, but three of my stunners, or was it four? And all I can feel is the anxiety in my chest building.

Steve nods and looks at me seriously, "T'Challa knows what we are doing. And he knows why you did what you did."

I nod but still worry, "Kay, just really not feeling like ending up in a Wakandan prison." I nod my head and notice as Sam shrugs.

"Really? Probably not the worst thing."

I look at Steve who shakes his head, "Never mind, you'll understand when we get there. Wakanda is... well, it's a surprise to say the least."

"Oh," I nod and look out the window again. And I find myself not sure if I am ready for any more surprises or not.


	32. 32: Natasha

A/N:Sorry for the delay in posting, more to come soon! Enjoy -Cat

Chapter Thirty-Two

Natasha

Wakanda is not what I expected.

We fly through the smoke screen, camouflage projection of idyllic country side to see a sprawling city, full of colourful elaborate spires. An advanced city, beyond anything I could have imagined. I look over at Steve and Sam sitting in pilot and co-pilot's seat. Steve has this small smile in the corner of his mouth, not even a full smile, caught somewhere around his eyes. And Sam is just smiling giddily, like a kid on Christmas.

"Well, this is something," I say looking back out the window, raising an eyebrow. T'Challa certainly did have his secrets.

"Yeah, it is," Sam said. Steve looked at Sam and smiled, and I feel happy that they have been this well hidden. Comforted.

But anxiety brews in my chest as we circle into what must be their landing bay. I wonder what the new King feels about me coming to stay. Sure, he has obviously moved forward with Steve but Steve didn't turn on him right before he was about to get what he wanted.

I feel Steve's eyes on me. And I take a breath, a chance to give myself time to think. I am finding it hard. The further we flew, the more I felt lost in my mind. The nervousness about the welcome awaiting me in Wakanda, looming large in my mind. Bt then I started to worry about Steve, what we did. This new reality. I felt like I was deflating. I was no longer floating. I was on the cold hard ground now. I feel Sam's presence and I don't know what to do. How to act. I feel out of control because I still feel like I have no concrete knowledge of what was actually happening between us. I feel in limbo once again. Not sure, once again.

I never thought I would be here with Steve.

In the time I breath, I collect myself and I glance at him from the corner of my eye. I meet his graze and he sends me a half smile, one meant for me, and although it doesn't make my thoughts any clearer, it still makes my heart flutter in my chest , which is ludicrous. But I can't seem to stop myself from smirking back at him from the corner of my mouth.

And Steve effortlessly landed the jet.

* * *

We walk into the brilliant afternoon sunshine and I see ahead of us a beautiful woman, older, wearing white and looking regal and stately. There is a girl standing behind her right shoulder, smiling giddily at us, bouncing on the balls of her feet. The welcome is bright, their soldiers on either side of the welcome carpet.

I walk out on Steve's right side, Sam on his left. He swings his arm in unison with mine and for the briefest of moments, his forefinger brushes over the back of my hand, and I feel my heart stutter at his touch. I glance up at him, and I find his eyes already looking down at me from their corners.

"Breath," He says quietly, just so I can hear. How had he noticed I was holding my breath?

I lick my lips and take a deep breath in through my nose, trying to calm myself.

"Mr. Rogers," The woman in white said warmly in greeting.

My ears catches on the name and I can't help but stop. I hear something and look over to see Sam smiling gleefully. I catch a chuckle in my own throat and Sam looks over at me, his eyes twinkling. "Prefers that to Cap, these days," He said quietly to me, smiling. Steve glanced over his shoulder at us, but didn't draw attention to us, so as not to interrupt the woman, "They have no idea," Sam said smiling rolling up onto the balls of his feet in a sort of gleeful hop.

I shake my head at Sam's silliness and focus on the woman again, "It is a pleasure to welcome you back to Wakanda. We are glad you were able to find what you were looking for."

I feel the young girls eye's on me, but I don't look at her. I really don't want to consider that these strangers know I was the thing Steve was looking for. Even if it may already seem obvious. "Thank you your majesty." Steve said bowing slightly towards her.

"The King sends his apologies for not being present. He is still at the UN delegation for Wakanda's beginning outreach."

"I am sure he is a busy man." Steve said smiling good-naturedly.

"Please, follow me." She turned and headed towards the nearest tower. We all fall into step behind her, Steve leading the way. I am just a step behind him, and then right behind me is Sam. The young girl falls into step with Sam, her smile bright.

"Hello Mr. Wilson!"

"Hi Princess!"

She looks bashful as I watch them in my peripheral vision, "I've told you to call me Shuri!"

I feel myself smirk as I hear the tone in the beautiful girls voice, someone is smitten. My eye catches as I see Steve glance back at me and I am distracted from Sam and his new fan. I step up my pace and fall in to step beside Steve.

"Mr. Rogers," I say resisting the urge to giggle at the name.

"Is there something I am not getting?" He asked quietly as we stepped through the doorway into the cool climate controlled modern looking hallway, blended perfectly with the obvious heritage.

I smile to myself, pursing my lips in an effort not to smile, "I'll explain later."

Steve shakes his head slightly and glances back at me, "You ok?"

"Oh you know me Steve, just peachy." I smile at him raising an eyebrow.

His mouth is tense and his eyes search my face, he looks like he wants to ask me more, delve into everything, have me lean on his shoulder. But I focus instead on the woman we follow. No luck right now, Steve.

"We have you in your previous quarters, Mr. Rogers. The same for Mr. Wilson, across the hall. And we hope you don't mind but we made up the rooms next door for Miss Romanoff."

T'Challa's mother turns on me and smiles and I feel fear flare up but somehow it melts away. Her eyes lock on mine and they take me in. And I feel warm, and safe. I am taken aback by this feeling.

"Miss. Romanoff," Her eyes lock me in.

"Your Majesty," I say bowing my head in respect, fearful of looking up.

"My son wished for me to impart our most heartfelt welcome to Wakanda. We are honoured to offer you sanctuary." I look up to see her eyes and find myself feeling overwhelmed by her words.

"Thank you Queen Ramonda. Your words mean a lot to me." I say feeling my voice is more gravelly than it should be.

She smiles, and her face seems full of life, and knowledge, and a wisdom that I had a sudden desire to tap into. Like she had all the answers I needed.

She turned smiling back to Steve, "We are very proud that today is one of our most ancient and celebrated Harvest Days. We are very proud to invite you three to enjoy the best Wakanda has to offer."

Steve smiled, "We would be honoured to attend."

"Fabulous, we will let you all freshen up and someone will be by to escort you to the banquet hall later." She nods to us and we all bow out of respect and then the Queen Mother and her daughter leave us three standing in the hallway.

Sam rolls up onto the balls of his feet smiling, looking back and forth between Steve and I. "Well," He says taking a deep breath. "I guess I will head in, could use a shower. So, I'll be across the hall. And you two," He waved a finger between us and I fixed him with a cold glare, but he simply smiled back, in his complete Sam-like way. "Can do whatever it is you may need to do."

"Thanks," Steve said rolling his eyes at Sam's antic's.

With that Sam turned on his heel and walked through a doorway off the hall we stood in.

And just like that Steve and I are alone and I feel my chest expand with anxiety. I look up at him and of course, he is already looking at me.

"Well, here we are," I say quietly shaking my head.

"Are you ok? You've gotten real quiet since we got on that jet." Steve steps towards me closing the gap.

I blink up at him, I feel my brow furrowing a little, "Still trying to realize if I am dreaming or not."

His eyes search my face. "The feeling must be going around,"

He reached up and brushed a loose strand of hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear. I feel goose bumps rising all over my body as his finger tips graze over my cheek. I feel my throat tighten at his closeness and body crave his. It is intoxicating this hold he has over me. I have spent so much time ignoring it, forcing it down, I never realized what it would feel like to revel in it.

I lick my lips and look up at him, all eyes and lashes, hoping I am not being too obvious but at the same time not really caring if I am. "We should get ready."

The right corner of Steve's mouth caught and pulled up. "Guess so," Gently, he leaned down and his lips brush over my cheek where only seconds before his fingers had been. I feel their softness, their warmth and I want to melt into them, but instead I turn and look up into his stormy blue eyes, only a breath away from him.

I blink as I look up at him, "Pick me up later?" I say raising an eyebrow at him.

He smiled, "It's a date." And with that I force myself to step through the doorway into my room.


	33. 33: Steve

Chapter Thirty-Three

Steve

Wakanda is alive.

It makes me feel alive, really appreciate it. The colours, the smells, the people. I see joy in their faces. I see a hope that I had forgotten was possible. I see the smile on Nat's face as we enter the banquet hall and see all the people, already enjoying the festivities, laughing and dancing. I see her smile at a group of little girls' who stared, transfixed by her blonde hair. I watch as she crouches down to let them stroke her long tresses. I see Sam joke with young warriors on the brink of manhood, enjoying the feast before us.

I could stay here, stay here forever. But I don't think thanking these people's hospitality with putting them in danger was a move I was willing to make. They already put themselves at risk harbouring Bucky for us. Three more international fugitives is not a good idea. And I know both Natasha and Sam would feel the same.

I sit behind the long head table, a few seats down from Queen Ramonda. One of the few left actually seated at the table. Everyone was up now, mingling after the big feast, dancing, having a good time. I sit back and watch. Watch Sam dance with Nat, as they both laugh. Turns out ballet isn't the only dance Natasha is good at but also latin, she she learned just for herself she said. Sam's mom happened to have been a ballroom coach, and saw the value in a boy being able to turn a girl around a dance floor.

I watch the two of them dance, what I think they called a Rumba? Or maybe it was a Cha-Cha... I don't know, but I do know I can't take my eyes off Nat.

She looks so happy. She is wearing a simply navy blue dress. Nothing fancy, almost more of a sun dress than anything formal. Just off the shoulder, tight in the waist, full skirt hanging to just above her knee. She looks stunning. I think of her only a day ago, in my arms, kissing my lips, her hands on my body.

I take a breath and sit back further in my seat.

"She is beautiful." I turn at the Queen Mother's voice. She leans towards my seat and it's obvious she has been watching me get lost in watching Nat.

I smile and raise an eyebrow looking back at the dance floor, Nat and Sam are explaining a step they did to a young couple who had been dancing beside them, "She is more than that," I blink realizing who I am talking to and hurriedly add, "But yes, she is." I smile meekly at the Queen.

The Queen smiles at me, with an amused shine in her eye. She nods her head, "Must be, for you to risk so much to find her and bring her back to your side."

I look back at her, interested in what this woman thinks about my actions, "Do you think I was foolish?" I raise an eyebrow as I look at her.

The Queen titled her head to the side as she considered her answer, "To find someone who is worth risking everything for..." She smiled and looked at me, " _That_ , is always worth the risk." She nodded at me and I smile back, "Please excuse me. I must make my rounds." She gave me a bemused face and then rose from her place.

I turned back to see Nat striding towards me smiling and I could see Sam behind her still dancing in the crowd but now with one of the young female warriors from the army detail that had been stationed with us our first day here.

Nat comes around the table and sits down next to me. "Hi!" She says brightly, smiling at me.

I smile back at her, leaning back, my arm draping over the back of the chair. "Hi,"

"You alright over here, all by your lonesome?" She teased. She was being coy but I don't care. She is mesmerizing.

"You have fun dancing?" I ask, answering her question with a question of my own.

Her smile becomes brighter, and in a more innocent in a way. She looks back at the dance floor, "Yeah," She sounds so genuine when she says it. "You forget... sometimes..." She looks down at her hands on the table before looking back up at me, "These things that we enjoy." She cocks an eyebrow, "That make us human."

She glances back at the dance floor and seems as if she is miles away, struggling with something, she may want to say. But instead, she sat up straighter and looked back at me smiling.

I lean forward, drawn into her eyes, the dazzling green. They twinkled in the bright flames of the big fire pits and torches that illuminated the great hall. "Would you teach me someday?" I ask. Her eyes search mine, and I find myself reaching out. Our hands are hidden by the table so no one else can see, but still I only lightly brush the top of her hand with my forefinger as I ask the question that makes me think of so many things but mainly of the future. With her. "To dance, I mean."

Her eyes search mine and she is holding her breath again. She swallows and I see the smile that is pulling on the corner of her lips, as if she is trying not to let her emotions get the better of her. Nat leans forward, coming closer to me, "You wouldn't just be saying that now, would you Rogers?"

And just like that I know. I know that she knows what I am actually saying when I ask her to teach me to dance. She knows I don't just mean I want to learn to Salsa. She understands everything I don't have to say. And once again, I am struck by just how much she understands me without even have to be told or have it explained. And I feel a wash of relief that she is beside me again.

I shake my head, looking at her delicate hands. Noticing how small they actual looked. How could they be so delicate yet so capable? "Never with you, Romanoff,"

Suddenly, Nat sat up straight and her eyes were big and bright, "I have something for you," She said catching me off guard. I sat up a little straighter and raised an eyebrow at her.

"Oh yeah?" I ask her, a smile pulls at the corner of my mouth.

She nods and her blonde locks bounce slightly, "Yeah," She gets up and takes off at a brisk pace.

"Oh right now, you mean," I say as I get up and take off after her.

I follow Nat up through the quiet building, everyone still being down at the festivities, until we get back to standing in front of our two doors. Nat strides into her rooms and I follow her.

Her rooms are the same as mine only mirror images of each other. You walk into a big great room, with big comfy chairs and a large welcoming sectional, a bar fully stocked and then through the next door bedroom with it's own luxurious bathroom. Nat goes straight to her bag which is simply sitting one of the arm chairs and she starts to search through the contents.

I close the door and walk over to the big windows over looking the majestic mountain range behind the city, once again I am struck by the beauty of this country. Untouched and unspoiled by the outside world.

Suddenly, I am aware of Nat standing beside my arm and I turn and look down at her.

She smiles, cocking her head to the side. "Here," She hands me something wrapped in light brown paper. I take it and start to peel back the paper. "I saw it a few weeks ago." It must have been right after she left Tony and the compound, "And I thought of you. I don't know, maybe you...I dunno."

I let a leather bound journal fall into my hand and I looked at it feeling myself go still. The leather is a velvet soft black. It was tied shut with a long thin leather strap that wrapped around it. I unwrapped the cord and opened the book to see blank pages of a thick heavy weight parchment. On the inside of the cover there was also a set of charcoal pencils.

"It's not very practical, since we will be on the move so much. But I thought ... you might... like it." I look up and see Nat's big green eyes twinkling in the night's cool light. I realize we haven't turned on any lights in the room, we are only illuminated by the full moon outside.

I don't find myself able to answer her as my heart starts to pound as I think about this gift. Instead I step forward, reaching I take her face in my hands and pull her to me, crushing my lips down on hers. I feel her hands come up and rest on my back, her fingers tips digging in, holding me there just as much as I held on to her.

I let my lips leave hers for a moment, so I can say against her skin, "It's perfect." Soon I find myself dropping the journal onto the seat behind her and pulling Nat into my arms.

She kisses me back, letting herself get lost in the moment. Her hands find their way up into my hair. I wrap my arms tightly around her waist and stand up straight, picking her up off the ground. She pulled back and looked at me, her eyes darting between mine in the moonlight, "Are we crazy?" She asked quietly, looking vulnerable and I feel glad I already have her tightly in my arms.

"I don't care any more," I say kissing her lips just briefly, "I am tired of thinking and worrying. All I want is you, Nat." Her fingers trail down the side of my face and she looks like what I am saying is confusing or too complex for her to take in.

She kisses me so quickly, it catches me so off guard, that I can't help but take a step back from the force of her contact. The intensity of her touch. I kiss her back and steady myself. Between kisses I say against her skin, "Do you want me to stay?"

"Shut up and kiss me, Rogers." Was her hushed response.


	34. 34: Natasha

A/N: Hi All! So I just saw Avengers: Infinity War, NO SPOILERS AHEAD! I want to let you know I wrote this chapter as well as chapters thirty-five and thirty-six before I saw the movie so I am leaving them the way they are. I won't post whether or not this is AU or not for a few more weeks, just so as not to give anything away. I can guarantee there will be no spoilers as this timeline is still right after the events of Civil War. I will give a warning once we converge with Infinity War. Hope you still enjoy this story! -Cat

 **Chapter Thirty-Four**

Natasha

I lay in Steve's arm. He holds me in his arms, in my bed. I am held tight, his chest against my back. I stare out the window at the dark Wakandan night. I am safe, in his arms. I am safe. I remind myself of that as I try and fight off sleep. But it lurks in my mind. The relief at the open armed welcome of Wakanda. The exhaustion of not sleeping much the night before. The happiness of finding Sam and Steve again. All these elements weight in and let sleep seem like a welcome friend. But at the same time, I don't want to sleep because I don't want to miss a second of being held by him.

But I can't fight it forever. Sleep is intoxicating...

 _I am sitting somewhere._

 _In a hospital? Yeah, it's a hospital... I am surrounded by sadness. I am aware of it like it is a weight around my neck. I blink and try and get things in to focus. I hate hospitals._

 _All I can hear is crying around me. Screaming further away. I know the whole building is in chaos. I blink to see Sam in the seat beside me. He is leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knee's, his head in his hands. He sobs as he rocks back and forth, from side to side. I feel someone's hand on my shoulder, an arm around me. I look to my right and I see Clint, his arm around me, holding me tightly. Tears silently roll down his cheek._

 _I feel fear clawing in my chest. I don't know what is going on. I don't want to know what is going on. I look across our little waiting room, Rhody is sitting across from us, his arm around Maria and they both sitting, crying. Vision stands in the corner, his arms around Wanda. I look up to our left. I see Nick Fury and Tony Stark, Pepper standing beside him, holding his hand, talking to a doctor. I can see their mouths moving but I can't hear them._

 _All I can hear is a pounding, pulsating ring._

 _My heart starts to beat fast as Tony starts to get more and more upset. I want to know what they are saying. Why is everyone panicked? I feel Clint hold me down, in my seat. His overly emotional voice saying in my ear, "I'm sorry Nat, I am so, so sorry." I look at him, and he shakes his head at me and I feel more frantic than ever._

 _I want to know what going on, I lean into Clint and open my mouth to ask Clint what happened? But I can't, nothing comes out of my mouth._

 _I shake off Clint's arm, feeling constricted and held down by him rather than comforted. "Naaat," Sam moans my name as I stand up and stumble away from them._

 _My body feels like... like I am drunk, my reflexes are not my own. Like I am treading through snow. I stumbled up behind Nick and Tony to see Tony start to get enraged. Pepper pulls back on his arm crying, calling his name, trying to calm him. Nick puts a hand on Tony's chest to hold him back from the doctor._

 _Suddenly the ringing subsides, and Tony's voice bursts into my consciousness, "THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" He screams and I feel terror now._

 _"Natasha, stop." Nick reaches for me, but I am already running down the hallway, dodging around the doctor that had been standing in front of me. I run down the hall and I can hear a man wailing. A guttural scream of a wounded animal._

 _I find a window that looks into a trauma room and that is where I see it._

 _It is like everything comes into focus from the outside in, the peripheral first. My heart pounds. I see all the medical equipment and supplies on the walls. I see the unresponsive monitors, a flatline drone as they show no vital signs. I see a woman stands holding on to the shoulders of a man. I focus on them trying to understand what I am looking at._

 _It's Madeline Wayne... She is crying... She is crying and trying to hold on to someone. I look at the man and he comes into focus too. It's Bucky and in the same instant I realize it is Bucky, I also realize that he was the one making that noise, that heart breaking sorrow-filled moan._

 _Just like that I know what I am going to see, even before I see it. I know it, like it is inevitable..._

 _And there he is. On the gurney, ventilating tube sticking out of his mouth, attached to nothing, rendered useless._

 _I step away from the window as the breath catches in my throat._

 _I see Steve laying on the bed. Bloodied and battered. I look back at the monitor's, no heart beat... no pulse..._

 _"No..." I run backwards from the window and slam my back into the wall behind me. Scrambling against it, I try to get away from the inevitable. "No! NOOO!"_

 _I scream. This can't be happening. This couldn't be my reality. Not now. No..._

 _Please..._

And just like that I wake.

It is silent, no screaming or thrashing like most night mares. No, this was much worse. I feel my heart hammering in my chest and I gasp, trying to pull air into my lungs.

Steve's arms around me feel like they are burning my flesh with their touch. The pressure of their weight. The meaning of their presence around me, holding me.

I swallow and still, making sure Steve is asleep. He is a light sleeper, so I move very gently as I slowly pull out of his arms. I feel my feet hit the cold floor and take a deep breath in through my nose. But I feel the tears in my eyes, burning as if what they had seen was real.

I get up off the bed, and grab Steve's crisp white shirt he had been wearing at the banquet and slip it on. I stride into the living room and very carefully and quietly close the door behind me.

I stride over to the window and rest my shaking hands on the window sill. I shake them out noticing how much they tremble. My heart seems to race faster than it did in the dream as panic takes over me.

I've only felt like this once before. In Africa, in a shipyard. After meeting Wanda for the first time.

I try and fight it but I feel myself drowning in the panic and the fear.


	35. 35: Steve

**Chapter Thirty-Five**

Steve

I don't know what wakes me up, but my eyes open and I find my arms empty. I take a deep breath and sit up, running a hand over my eyes. I remember holding her in my arms, falling asleep with the vanilla scent of her hair in my nostrils. I shake my head willing myself to wake up.

I get up off the bed and walk to the bedroom door. I open it and that is when I see her.

Nat is standing in the big main window, leaning down on her hands, her head hanging forward, like she is exhausted.

"Nat," I stride forward and she jumps like I screamed her name.

She spins around to face me, and I notice just how pale she is. And... she has tears in her eyes?

I close the gap, striding over to her. "Natasha, what's wrong?" I ask, concern filling my chest.

She looks up into my face, and she looks terrified, like she just saw a ghost. And my worry builds. I reach for her and she jumps back like my touch would burn her.

I feel my brow pull together, "Nat?" I say sadly.

She shakes her head, and I know she is fighting back the tears. "No, Steve. No. Don't." She turns away from me, biting her cuticles.

"Nat, what's wrong?" I ask taking a deep breath, watching her with worry.

"No, don't do that.

"Do what?" I ask back, feeling a little frustration in my chest and her non-responsive reactions.

"Try and make things better." Natasha started to pace back and forth frantically, my shirt moving around her frame, making her look even smaller than normal. "You can't make this better. Or easier."

I sigh, shaking my head, "I can't if you don't let me." I watch her pace almost getting motion sick.

"No. No! You can't. We can't, I-"

I can't take it any more, I step into her path and simply grab her arms making her stop, forcing her to look at me. "You have to trust me, talk to me! I am here for-"

"No!" She shakes me off, stepping back out of my hold, "Don't, just don't. You aren't helping!"

I don't think I have ever seen Natasha so panicked, so frantic. So out of control. I step up to her once again, closing the gap, not allowing her to stay away from me. But this time I don't try and touch her. "Than tell me!" I snap in a stern overly-frustrated sort of voice. Her eyes meet mine and see looks like a scared animal. She wraps her arms around her own body as if trying to hold herself together. "Tell me how I can help you." This time my voice is softer.

She simply shakes her head, "No you can't. You can't. You can't help with this..."

"Nat," I say, calmly holding her gaze, "What's going on?"

"I don't know!" And just like that, it was as if the flood gates opened, she just started to talk, "I don't know! Don't you see!? That's the problem, I don't know what's going on. And I can't not know. I can't be in the dark any more. I can't-"

"Nat, the dark about what? You aren't making sense."

"YOU!" She stared at me like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I can't-...It's you..." She pointed between us and it seemed to click what she was referring to, "I need to know Steve. I have to know what is going on, where I stand. Because I can't depend on you and then-" She stopped talking and the tears that had been in her eyes slowly over flowed, running down her cheeks, she didn't even seem to notice. I stare back at her, my heart pounding at her words, trying to understand what she is talking about. She bites her lower lip and shook out her head, standing up straighter, meeting my eyes with defiance. "I can't depend on you if... if this isn't real. I need to know." Her eyes dropped to the floor around my toes, and I feel myself weighted down by her words, "I need to know what this is because it's... It's not nothing. To me..." She met my eyes and she looked afraid but ready. "It's something to me. It's...everything."

I see her breath catch as she watches me. I step forward again closing the remaining gap between us. My hands find the sides of her face, and I hold her and look into her tormented big green eyes. "Natasha." She tries to turn her face away from me, like she already knows what I am going to say but I force her to stay, to listen. "This isn't nothing." She blinks and her eyes find mine. I smile as I look into her eyes, "I love you." Her expression clears as I say the words for the first time, "And that definitely ain't nothing."

She blinks biting her lower lip, like it was too good to be true or something, "Don't... don't say what you think I want to hear." She really has no idea the hold she has on me. She can't even conceptualize it.

I shake my head, smiling at her, "I'm always honest, Romanoff. Remember?" I say quietly.

She doesn't give me any more of a chance. She pushes up onto her toes and her lips find mine and I let go, give everything to the kiss. Feel her with every one of my senses. And I hold her tight, let her know she isn't going anywhere.

 **A/N: (warning IW context ahead)** To **ALEX,** glad you're enjoying the story. When I decided to write a romanogers fic I knew I had to do both sides, because they are so on par with each other. Glad you are enjoying the concept. Yeah, IW, was definitely lacking in the Captain American and Black Widow heart melting moments. But I think they will be more heavily featured in Part Two. Cap and Nat are just so programmed to save the world, I feel like in Infinity War 1 they are just like, "All right, where's the fight, who we fighting?" lol. Personally, I am just thrilled they didn't waste screen time forcing Hulktasha down our throats. Fingers crossed that trend continues in part two! Thanks again for the review!


	36. 36: Steve

**Chapter Thirty-Six**

Steve

She is back in my arms, this time laying sprawled out over my chest. And I hold her tightly, my arms wrapped around her. This time we are on the sectional, a big soft blanket over us both. I find myself unwilling to go to sleep. I don't want her to worry any more. Even though I don't really know what caused her break down in the first place.

Suddenly Nat is moving, I look down at her, to see her push herself up, her arms on either side of my body, pushing up off the sectional. She meets my eye with a small smile. "Hi," She says quietly, settling her hands over each other, and resting her chin on the top one.

I smile back at her. "Hi," I say, my mouth pulling into a small half smile. I reach up and push her hair behind her left ear, as it was falling in her eyes.

She pursed her lips, looking down at my chest, "What the plan tomorrow Steve?"

I shrug slightly, not wanting to disturb her too much, "Go, try, help." I look at her. "See where we end up." She met my eyes, "Stay together," I say raising my eyebrows at her.

She smiled, "Sounds good to me, Cap."

I shake my head, "I dunno if that's me any more,"

She reaches up to put her hands on either side of my face, shimmying up my body to get closer. "You are," Her eyes searched mine, "You are as much as the world allows you to be. Just because," She shakes her head, "Things are different and the world is changing doesn't mean you aren't still you." I meet her eyes, "We just have to evolve to fit."

"We," I say raising an eyebrow, liking the way it sounds.

She rolled her eyes at me, "Oh, you know you need me in this new world, 'specially you and Sam. Can't understand how you guys made it this far."

I chuckled and she smiled, she leaned forward and kissed me, before pulling back and meeting my eyes, "I'm sorry," She said.

My brow furrows, "For what?"

She swallowed, "For not having you back. About the Accords,"

"Nat," I say shaking my head, "I told you-"

"I know," She interrupted me but held my eyes, "I know what you said in New York. But I still need to say it, Steve." She looked at me with a serious look. "I want us to be honest with each other. Always, even the horrible truths." Her eyes dane between mine and I see how serious she is. "I've been in the grey for so much of my life. Not sure where I stand. And I felt that way about you for a long time," I open my mouth to argue that point but she smiles and cuts me off before I get the chance. "I don't want to feel like that any more. Not with you."

My fingertips brush up and down her arm, "Total honesty, huh?" I say meeting her eyes.

She smiles into my eyes, "I've heard it's a good policy." I smile and pull her to me and kiss her, just quickly, briefly. Like something we are planning on doing for the rest of out lives. She smiles up at me as I pull back to layback down on the pillows behind me. She took a deep breath and sat up, sitting in my lap, wrapping the blanket around herself, she clears her throat before she begins but still hesitates. She looks down at my chest before her eyes dart back up to mine, and I see just how vulnerable she is. "I- I was scared." I sit up, so I am closer to her, rubbing a hand over her shoulder. "Which isn't usually how I do business, ya think that is where I went wrong?" I smile at her joke as the corner of her mouth hitched up in a small smile.

"What had _you_ scared?" I ask trying to sound like I was joking.

But she met my eyes with a serious look, "You." She said simply. I stared back at her, blinking. She shrugged and ... blushed? "I was worried about you." She smiled looking down at somewhere around my collar bone, "I wanted so bad for us to do what was right... Or I guess, what was lawful." She looked back at me, her eyebrow cocking again, "I know what it is to be used as a weapon, and I was afraid that is we didn't go along with the Accords that is what they would want to turn you into." Her brow furrowed, "I'm sorry that led me away from you right when you needed me most."

I run a hand up and down her back as I look back at her, "You're here now." I smile at her, "And I have no intention of letting you go now."

I lay back down on the sofa and look up at her, in the moon light. She is looking at my stomach before looking back up at my eyes "Steve?" She asks.

"Yeah?" I raise my eyebrows, waiting expectantly for what she has to say.

She meets my eyes and her face is wiped clean of expression, except, honesty. "I love you." She says the words as if it is basic statement of fact. She watches my reaction closely.

I sit back up and pull her closer to me. Her eyes stayed latched on mine, and I can't help but smile, "You do realize I am never letting you go now?" She smiles back at me, and I lean forward kissing her gently.

She manages to whisper before my lips hit hers, "You better not, Rogers,"


	37. 37: Natasha

**Chapter Thirty-Seven**

Natasha

And the next day the world keeps spinning. Like the earth hasn't shifted on it's access. It's funny, I never gave much thought to happiness. I mean, I already had more than I deserved in life, to begin with. But now... With Steve... It was just a different level. Like a new way of living or something. I don't know. I just knew right away things would never be the same. And I don't want them to be.

The dream rattled me, and it lingers in my mind. Flashes will come through all of a sudden; Sam crying or Bucky's screams. But I shake my head, and take a deep breath. Reminding myself that it was only a dream. A dream I woke from. A dream that doesn't need to have any power over me. Why waste any energy on a dream when my reality was actually what I always wanted...

He loved me.

Him. Steve Rogers. Captain America. Loves Me... Natasha. Black Widow.

It was too unreal.

Sam is all giddy, and ridiculous. He keeps saying he is just happy it is just the three of us again. But he also keep sharing smiles with Steve, that irritate me to no end. I make sure to make a mental note to talk to one of them about it. I don't care which. I haven't forgotten Sam saw me when I was weak, when Steve was in the hospital, after Washington. And for some reason I don't think he has forgotten that moment.

I stand beside Steve, on the left hand side of the jet, Sam on my other side. We watch the Wakandan capital city drop beneath us. I look at Steve and his eyes focus on the city.

I think of last night. It was just before dawn and we were still on the couch.

 _Steve's head rests on my chest. I feel his beard tickling my skin. My fingers play in his hair, it's so silky and soft and golden. It's funny, something so ... simply makes me happy. Just looking at his hair makes me feel ... home._

 _I let out a chuckle and Steve moves. He lifts his head and looks at me, his chin resting on my chest, eyebrow raised. "What's so funny?" He asked meeting my eye._

 _I can't help but smile back at him, my head resting back on the pillow. "I love your... hair," I say._

 _His brow furrows and he looks at me like I am crazy. "My... hair?"_

 _I actually let out a giggle, "Yeah," I shrug._

 _He keeps looking at me, "Uh, should I say thank you?"_

 _"No!" I say, "Forget I said anything." I roll my eyes, feeling the blush come up in my cheeks under his scrutiny._

 _"Hey, now!" Steve pulls himself up the couch so he is looking over me, rather than up at me, "If you like it, I'll just have to keep on growing it then, won't I?"_

 _I can't help but laugh at his words, "It would be appreciated." I say leaning up to kiss him._

 _I can feel the kiss through my entire body. It washes over me like hot water. Sending tingles and shocks through my body, like a riot. My hands reach up to his neck as if to anchor him to me. Slowly he pulled back and laid down beside me. I nestled myself into his chest and he wrapped his arms around me holding me tight._

 _I know tomorrow we are leaving this safe haven, and my mind wanders, "Steve?"_

 _"Yeah,"_

 _"Is Bucky here?"_

 _Steve instantly_ _stiffens at the question. I look up at him and he is looking out the window across from us. And for a moment I feel fear. That maybe I shouldn't have asked. That maybe he didn't trust me enough to tell me. But then in a moment, Steve exhales. "Yeah," He looks down at me, his eyes open and honest, "He is." I just watch him, he looks down, whether he actually sees our bodies, entangled under the blanket or not I don't know, "He went back under. Said it was for the best."_

 _I know he means cryofreeze. I think of everything that has happened, and all that we have been through together. I think of Madeline Stark. So in love with Bucky, now he is frozen like a Winter Soldier popsicle. I think back to New York, and seeing her spattered all over all the headlines. It all seems to come into a new sharp focus, and I find myself feeling sorry for her. The girl who stood off against me in the airport hanger. How did we all end up here?_

 _I look up at Steve and put my hand over his chest, I feel his strong and steady heartbeat under my palm. And I feel something that doesn't come often, real gratitude. Gratitude that somehow life has brought him here to be laying with me, not frozen and out of reach. He looks up at me, at my touch, "You're not alone anymore, Steve." His eyes look sad as he listens to my words. "And he will be safe here."_ _His hand comes up and strokes my hair. "I'm glad you found me." I say._

 _He looks into my eyes, "I don't think I could have stopped looking."_

 _"You won't have to again."_

And now. Now, I know it comes down to it. Leaving Bucky here. Frozen. It is hard for him, I know he feels like he is leaving behind his friend, even though he never did that in the first place.

I put my hand on his shoulder and Steve glances at my hand and then up at me. I smile down at him, "Where to?" I ask him quietly and Sam looks over at the two of us.

Steve looks from my eyes to Sam's. "Let's go do some good."

Sounds like a plan.


	38. 38: Steve

**Chapter Thirty-Eight**

Steve

 _Three Months Later_

We sit in the old van watching the building across the small square from us. We are somewhere just miles from the Russian boarder, waiting for a drop off of gun supplies from a major black market arms dealer. Nat is in the passenger seat beside me, and Sam and Wanda are both laying down in the back bench seats, getting a few moments of shut eye while they can.

It's been a long few months tracking these guys and we don't want to miss our opportunity no matter how uncomfortable the accommodations. Seems it takes more time to track down bad guys when you don't have the full might of the Avengers behind you.

I look over at Nat. Last night she cut her hair to her shoulders. It looks good. Mind you I get the feeling she could shave her head and I would still think her the most beautiful woman in the world.

She feels my eyes on her and slowly turns her head to look at me. "Hey soldier," She says quietly, smiling at me. I lean back my head as I watch her, she raises an eyebrow at me, questioning me without words.

The last three months... it is hard to know they have been real. She was always there. With _me_ now. I feel like the next shoe is going to drop, I wonder sometimes when she is going to lose interest in me and walk away. It's a reoccurring thought I can't seem to shake. I just don't know what holds her here with me. She is so much, so many things, and I ... I am just a kid from Brooklyn.

Her brow furrows and she cocks her head to the side looking at me. "What's wrong Steve?" She questions, raising an eyebrow even higher.

"Just wondering how a girl like you could be happy with a guy like me?" I can't help but smile at the surprise on her face, "I don't know how I got so lucky." I look back out the windshield.

She scoffs at luck, "Yeah, that's one thing we are, _lucky_. Ha!"

I reach over and take her hand, running my thumb over her palm. "We are, Nat."

She looks quickly back into the van to make sure Wanda and Sam are both still asleep. It isn't as if we have been keeping this from them specifically, it was just hard to sit down and explain to them, how.. this... happened. Plus, Natasha was a private person and I didn't want to push my luck with making her uncomfortable. Her eyes look back at me, "I know." She says quietly, before looking down at our hands.

Suddenly, she looks up at me, "When did things... change, for you? With me?" She looks back up and meets my eyes as she asks the question.

I blink thinking back on all the moments, all that time. I think about sitting in the kitchen with her in the compound talking about Bruce leaving. I think about sitting on the porch of Clint's house under the moon. I think about the Smithsonian gala. I look back at her and shrug, "I don't think I could pin point it."

Her brow furrows and she rolls her eyes, "That is a pathetic answer, Rogers,"

I scoff, "Ouch."

She shook her head, "There had to be something," She goes to pull her hand away from me but I tighten my grip, holding on to her, and her head snaps around to look back at me.

"I can't pinpoint it, cause it's always been there, Natasha. You've never _just_ been a team mate for me." I say quietly. Her eyes are huge in the night moon's light. "It's always been more than friendship for me. Since meeting you on the flight deck of the helicarrier."

She looks caught off guard, like she has no idea what to say and my lip catches, pulling up in the corner of my mouth. She opens her mouth to say something but-

"I think the point of staking out a place is to actually watch it." We both jump at Wanda's sudden voice. I drop Nat's hand at the same moment she pulls it away.

"Heh, right," I say, sitting up straighter while Nat clears her throat looking out the window as we focus up again. I glance at her out of the corner of my eye and am happy to see a smile on her lips as she leans her chin on her hand to continue the look out.

* * *

Bad guy caught, tied up, and dropped off on the doorstep of the right authorities and left till morning when the first person arrives at work.

We are on the jet getting ready to leave. I am in the pilot's seat next to Sam as we prep the Jet to take off. Nat is in the back with Wanda looking through headlines on the internet trying to figure out where would be good to go next. Sam looks up at me.

"So, you and Romanoff huh?"

I look up at him with wide eyes. "I, uh," I clear my throat. I glared at him, "Well-"

Sam put both of his hands up and smiles brightly shaking his head, "Don't get me wrong. I think it is about damn time." He shook his head, "For people so brave, you both sure can be stupid." He rolled his eyes as he adjusted some of the controls.

"Yes, well," I actually feel flustered by Sam's candour and try and focus on the task at hand.

"For the record, _I_ knew it was a good idea from the beginning."

That catches my attention. I look at him. Had we been that obvious in New York? I thought Sam was just excited to see Nat. But the way he said it, it didn't seem like that was what he was referring to. Besides, New York was never really the 'beginning'. "What do you mean 'from the beginning'?" I ask.

He shrugged, "Just trying to say, I think it's a good idea." Sam looked at me and became serious, "You two... well, you are kinda perfect for each other. ..." He took a deep breath, "Just the right amount of mutual crazy." Sam shakes his head, "And if you choose that one armed neanderthal over me for best man, I'll kick your ass. Super soldier or not."

I can't help but let out a nervous bark of laughter at his words, feeling my throat close a little at his words. Maybe Nat wasn't the only one with hook ups.

"You boys having fun up here?" Nat says appearing beside me.

I jump and look up at her wondering if she heard Sam's words. But she just looks down at me with a confused, questioning look that seemed to say, 'what?'.

I shake my head and Sam answers for me, "Always," He smiles at her and looks so happy, like a cat that has gotten into the cream. He really can be a pain sometimes. "Where too?"

Nat shrugs, "Come to the back, we need to decide together. There are a few options."

Sam nods and stands up, he pats Nat on the arm as he walks back, "Sounds good."

I stand up swallowing, and I feel her eyes on me, and look to see Nat's eye's boring into me with intensity, "What's up with you?" She asks raising an eyebrow.

I take a deep breath looking into her beautiful face, "Nothing, just happy." I smile at her.

And she smiles back at me, rolling her eyes before turning to the back of the jet. "Alright, on the run from every government, and law enforcement agency in the world but yeah, 'happy' works."

I put my hand on her arm before we move to join Sam and Wanda. Natasha looks up at me. "We should be up front with them." I say nodding my head in the direction of them. Nat's brow furrows a little and she looks over at the two of them, leaning over a screen together. Her lips purse, "We are all we have now, and we can't hide things from the people we are depending on."

She meets my eyes and crosses her arms, taking a deep breath she suddenly says loudly, "Sam, Wanda!" They both look up and over at us. Nat rolls her shoulders before looking up at them, "Steve and I need to tell you something."

They both look at us like they know what is coming and I find my stomach wants to do some surprising flips in my gut when it actually comes down to saying it out loud. Up until now, we have been in our own little bubble, safe and unbothered, uncomplicated. But I remind myself that they deserve to know the truth. Sam raises an eyebrow at us expectantly. Natasha looks up at my hesitation.

She rolls her eyes, "Steve and I are-"

"Congratulations!" Wanda says smiling before Nat can even get the words out properly. And comes over and wraps her up in a hug. Nat looks caught off guard.

Sam chuckles and shakes his head coming over to me to clap a hand down on my shoulder. "Like I said, 'bout damn time." He shakes my hand like a conquering hero.

"Right," I say clearing my throat, "Well, we just wanted you guys to know," Wanda lets go of Nat and wraps her arms around me in a surprising hug while Sam goes and hugs Nat who seems a bit more prepared this time. "That it won't effect how we work as a team."

Sam rolls his eyes and Wanda lets me go, stepping back. She looks between the two of us, and I have to admit she does look genuinely happy. "You both deserve to be happy." She said sweetly.

Sam chuckled, "So when did this all come about?" He asks waving a finger between the two of us.

"Uh," Nat shook her head to the side looking down at the ground bashfully, "New York."

"HA!" Sam over enthusiastically punched the air startling both Nat and I, he turned on Wanda, "You owe me fifty bucks."

"Uh, what?" I ask fixing Sam with a glare.

Wanda shrugged looking a little deflated. "Sam bet me you guys started hooking up in New York. I said thought it was in Prague."

I feel my mouth drop open. Nat looked like she was thinking back, "When we were breaking up the human trafficking ring?"

Wanda nodded, "You guys kept looking at each other when you didn't think we were looking and then snuck out after you thought we were both asleep. Seemed like a good bet. Damn."

Sam smiled, "I will take any bill denomination," Wanda stuck her tongue out at him and I found myself shaking my head.

Nat glared at the two of them, "No more bets." She said in a hard tone that made both Sam and Wanda nod and look like kids caught with their hands in the cookie jar. "We are supposed to be doing a job. Focus up." She gave them one last glare before heading over to tech schematic table. Sam and Wanda both looked at me.

I simply shrug, "That's my girl," I find myself saying. And I realise, just what a nice ring to it, that statement has.


	39. 39: Natasha

A/N: Hi guys, sorry for the huge delay in posting. But I am back with a new chapter from Natasha and more to come. Let me know what you think of the new chapter! Hope you enjoy -Cat PS. Translations are thanks to google translate, I am hoping they make conversational sense, if not I apologize.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Natasha

Joy is a strange thing. It kind of creeps up on you. It settles in your chest and at first it is almost like a pressure and you kinda think you are having a heart attack, but then, ya know... you're fine. You just keep on breathing, so you figure it can't be that.

I am not used to it. So, it was odd when I realized that...joy... was what I felt.

Even stranger that that should be the situation while we were all on the run. But we made a little family. Sam, Wanda, Steve and I. We had each other's back and stayed under the radar. Helping where we could.

We are on a much needed break. After living twenty-four seven on the jet for a couple of weeks a break is much needed for the sack of sanity. Wanda liked to go off on her own, get away for as long as we could let her. Sam usually stayed with us for a couple of days then he would go off on his own as well. Then it would be just me and Steve...

Right now we are sitting in a small, hole in the wall bar in the heart of Paris. We only allowed ourselves so many nights out in public so as to be careful to not break cover, but even I had to still admit, it was nice. I sit across the small table from Steve and watch him. He has on a well worn dark blue baseball hat, pulled low over his brow. He had on a brown leather jacket over a crew neck long sleeve t-shirt. His stubble is no longer a shadow, it's thickening into a beard. I had to admit, I liked it. Ok, more than liked.

I look across the bar at Sam who is sitting in a booth with two young women who were fawning over him, thinking he was an American baseball player or something.

"He's fine," Steve's voice pulls my attention back to him. He is smirking at me, with an amused look in his eye.

I raise an eyebrow at him, and smirk into my drink, "I didn't say anything."

He shakes his head, he is leaning heavily on the table, his arms crossed on the table top. He is able to watch the front of the club and the entire bar from his position. I alternately am sitting parallel to the table, leaning back in my seat, able to see the small but packed dance floor and the back of the club and washrooms. "I know what you are thinking," He says to me his voice deep and even as he teases me.

I look at him, " **T** **u ne sais pas tout ce qui se passe dans ma tête**." [ _You do not know everything that goes on in my head_ ].

He smirks at me, " **Je sais plus que tu ne penses.** " [ _I know more than you think]._

I smile over the table at him, loving the sound of French on his voice. It has slipped my mind that he could speak French, and I can't help but smile across the table at him before shaking my head. I lick my lips and look away from him, "All right, what was I thinking?"

"You were tensing up, watching Sam talk to those girls. You're wondering if he was giving enough details to his cover, whether he was getting _to_ detailed and sounding outlandish. Whether the girls are spending to much time studying his face? Are any of the men around them watching, paying too much attention to the girls and getting jealous of Sam? Cause of possible conflict?" I look back at Steve, he smirks and shrugged, "Told you,"

I opened my mouth to argue with him but I ended up just glaring at him, "No one likes a smart ass, Rogers,"

He smiled at me, "Lucky for both of us, that isn't true." I couldn't help but laugh.

But I stop, as Steve and I both look up to see Sam, all of a sudden coming across the bar towards us, phone in hand. He comes up to our table and pulls up a seat, he doesn't bother with niceties leaning into us. I sit up, getting closer to the boys, "I just got a hit." Sam says quietly to Steve and I, "Our good friend was just got spotted. In transit, direct from Helsinki to Brussels."

I look across at Steve as he continues to watch Sam. For the past month and a half we have been tracking a gun and drug smuggler across Europe. It was a decommissioned lieutenant from Serbia who evidently didn't feel their pension was enough to keep them in the life style they were accustomed to.

Steve looks from Sam to me, and I look back at Sam, who meets my eyes, "Confirmed report?" I ask quietly.

Sam simply nods. Steve sits back and rubs a hand over his beard. Sam looks from me to Steve and so do I. "We haven't ever had a chance like this before, Steve." I say across the table to him. And it's true. This lieutenant was as good at staying off the radar... as good as we were. This was our first confirmed report of his presence anywhere.

Steve takes a deep breath and both Sam and I can sense his hesitation. He shakes his head, "This was never how we planned this out. I don't like not having Wanda with us."

Sam shrugs, "Let's give her a call, bring her back."

I shake my head, "No," Both men look at me, "She needs her breaks from this." I say and Steve meets my eyes and I simply know he is leaning more towards Sam's suggestion than mine. I lean on the table, "Berlin was hard for her." Steve's eyes look sad, and just as he knew what I was thinking, I know what he is thinking. Of course he is still blaming himself for Berlin. I take a deep breath, "Besides, it's hard enough being us, let alone being us on..." I look around us to make sure no one is eavesdropping, "Vacation," Our code for on the run, "She needs her time," I feel the weight of her age on my shoulders. I don't want her to be completely hardened by our lives. She still has this light in her. I don't want to see it extinguished. I refuse to let it. I blink, "After all, it wouldn't take a genius to connect us to apprehensions of Interpol's most wanted, especially when the perps all start describing odd happenings that transpire with an odd red glow."

Sam looked at Steve, nodding his agreement with me, "Could be good to go old school,"

Steve looked down at his hand on the table. I know he is worried about what we were coming up against. But he meets my eye and nods, "Let's go, we will discuss our plan when we get back."

Sam nods and we all stand. Steve meets my eye before we turn to leave and I see the hesitation in his eyes.

* * *

I sit in the window seat of the shabby run down, old apartment that has obviously been vacant for years, watching through the window at the warehouse across the street. We are in a small town just on the French side of the Belgium border, upon the reports Sam had received. Steve comes up behind me and puts his hands on my shoulders.

"Any movement?" He asks. I look up at him, shaking my head.

"No, not yet." He nods and moves to sit beside me. He lifts my feet from the seat and slips underneath them before he gently places them on his lap. "Sam sleeping?"

Steve nods, craning his neck to look out the window. As I am about to sass him about brooding, Steve beats me to the punch saying, "I don't like this Nat." He keeps focused on the street below us.

I roll my eyes, "And when do we ever get to set the terms?"

He looks at me and I am caught off guard by how serious his eyes are. In our time away Steve has gotten quieter, darker, and I worry about him. I see him loosing the idealism he had when we first met and I wish there was something I can do to stop it all. "This isn't the same thing Nat. Every report we have on this guy is that he prepares. Does this feel like a planned rendezvous point for a military veteran?" I glance out the window... he isn't wrong, "Best case scenario, we walk into a battalion in that warehouse. And we don't have our ace in the hole."

I sit up and scoot closer to Steve, he looks at me and his eyes are heavy, "We've had worse odds." I reach up and put a hand on the side of his face. Figures, only Rogers would have me playing the optimist. "We know how to do this Steve. And if it isn't what we plan," I shrug, "We will retreat and regroup."

He met my eyes, "Never known you to turn and run from a fight," He said his mouth pulling into a smile as he looks at me.

There it is again, straining against my rib cage. Making me feel like I was going to burst. Joy, overwhelming and all consuming. Just from him smiling at me. I look from his lips, his smile back up to his eyes, "I have a vested interest in keeping someone safe."

He holds my gaze and I feel his hand resting on the back of my neck, his thumb tracing up and down my neck, "Seems easier than doing it for just yourself..." He says looking at me his eyes looking like a whirlwind of emotion that I am getting pulled into.

"Always."


	40. 40: Natasha

Chapter Forty

Natasha

The building was too quiet for too long. We had begun to worry about the authenticity of the information. Was it time sensitive? Did we miss our window? After twenty-four hours with no movement we make the executive decision to breech the warehouse and see what we can find. It just seems like too good an opportunity to find evidence against this lieutenant.

Sam is on the ground floor, Steve on the roof and I am on the third of five floors. We spread out over the building, recognizing the signs of recent occupancy. Sam reports that there was food in the downstairs kitchen. I find a number of gun assembly stations as well a drug packing room on the second floor.

This was a bad guy's dream house.

I come to a pair of double doors at the end of the floor. Gun drawn and ready I push through them, and just like the rest of the warehouse, the room is abandoned. I am surprised to find another kitchen. It is industrial, like it supplied a cafeteria or something.

My com comes on in my ear and I hear Sam's voice, "Guys, there is a tunnel down here. Off the main office. Can't see the end but it's looks like it goes under the road outside,"

"Nat, report." Steve's voice answers.

"Finishing the sweep of the third floor." I say, "So far nothing."

"Converge on fourth floor and we will continue together. Stay on point, if they had an entry/exit we aren't aware of there is no telling what or who could be in this building." Steve says.

"Copy," Sam says.

I am about to respond when I notice something odd. The industrial refrigerator door's handle was wrapped in heavy chain. Locked from the outside.

"Nat?" Steve prompts.

"There is something here, might be what we are looking for," I move into the kitchen, gun raised, aware of my surroundings like a wolf moving into a valley.

"I'll come down to you," He says and I can hear his breath change as he starts to jog back into the building, having not let his com go back into sleep mode. I know it's so he can still hear me.

But I focus on the task at hand. I don't hear anything through the refrigerator door but I also know the thickness of the door. I look at the lock. It's big but it also looks ancient, which tells me that it isn't so much about keeping people out, more about keeping something in. I feel a sinking feeling in my chest. I raise my gun and point it at the lock, "Firing," I say as I squeeze the trigger and shoot the ancient lock off the handle and it drops, pulling some of the chain with it. I step forward and unwrap the rest of the chain from the door handle.

I take a deep breath as I stand beside the door. My pistol in my right hand is poised to cover whatever may or may not be in the fridge, while my left hand takes hold of the handle.

I pop the door and turn, gun raised inwards. My heart stops in my chest though when I step into the doorway.

About fifteen or so faces all turn and look at me. They are huddled together in groups of three and four, wide eyed and sickly looking. The faces of girls... young girls, all looking terrified.

"Nat, report," Steve sounded tense.

"Well, it looks like we can add human trafficking to the Lieutenant's resume. Just found about fifteen or so girls on the third floor." As I meet the eyes of a girl in the corner of the fridge, one of the ones closest to me, I lower my gun slightly. Her big blue eyes are still full of terror and I feel for a second as if I am being sucked into them. I see her eyes on faces in my mind, faces from my past. Girls ripped from innocence, from safety, with no choice of their own.

"Nat," Steve had started talking. It was one of the last things I am aware of...

The movement is fast, the movement of someone used to combat. Not a normal person. I wasn't at all prepared for what happened. Lost in my own good damn thoughts. She sprang up so fast I barely saw her. She had been covered with an old blanket and as she stood she allowed it to drop off her rather than casting it off of herself. Smart move, not drawing unnecessary attention to herself. By the time I had looked over at her and turned my gun in her direction, she had already gotten off the first two shots. She must have had her small hand-held pistol aimed at me from the minute I opened the door.

Silly me.

I feel the impact on my right arm and in my stomach, lower abdomen on my right side. I stumble back a step or two and don't hesitate to shoot at the same time she gets her last shot off. Her third shot hits me in my left side as my shot hits her in the throat. It wasn't my best shot, if she hadn't shot me in the arm I would have gotten her in the head. I kick the door shut as I watch her drop to the ground, unsure if there are any other rogue shooters in there.

The girls in the fridge are all screaming, I can hear it like I am under water. In the same way, I can hear Steve and Sam both in my com, demanding to know what's going on. I want to respond but I can't seem to.

I stumble back further and hit the big steel table in the middle of the floor. I reach out with my left arm to stop from falling down. I feel myself start to go into shock, as I try to assess the damage. My arm is not bad, through and through, bleeding a lot though. The abdomen is bad... I swallow as the pain starts to wash over me.

I hear a noise coming towards the door. Quickly I switch my gun into my left hand, as my right arm had started to go numb, but as I look up I see it's Steve who bursts in to the kitchen. I lower my gun and find myself letting out a ragged sounding sigh. A sigh of relief, he's here and for a moment all my brain seems to register is that his presence makes everything ok... He's here. What else matters? "I got the shooter," I say before my legs seem to give out underneath me and I slide down from the table.

Steve runs over to me, "Sam get up here now!" He yells. I feel myself slipping down further to the ground like it's slow motion but I feel strong arms wrap around me and brace my fall.

His eye trace over me, hesitating for a second on each gun shot. Gently he brings me to the ground so I am sitting up, leaning back against one of the table legs, "I don't think there are any other hostiles," My voice sounds muffled to me, like my mouth has cotton balls in it or something, "But we need someone to vet those girls soon, make sure they are ok." He pulls a bandage out of one of the pockets of his pants and wraps it tightly around my arm and I find myself flinching as he ties it tight.

Steve looks up at me, "First, let's make sure you're ok."

I try and smirk at him, but the pain in beginning to radiate from the shots, "I've been better." I say smiling but unable to stop my brow from furrowing. He shifts around my side to apply pressure on my lower abdomen and I can't help but let out a gasp.

"I know," She whispers his face close to mine, and I find myself turning into his voice, my forehead feeling the brush of his beard. I close my eyes for a second but find it terrifyingly temping to just drift off to sleep. But I have a feeling sleep would be a childish idea of what I would be drifting off into.

Sam runs into the room behind Steve and sees me, "Oh shit," He crouches beside us, "We need to get her to the jet, where the med supplies are."

Steve doesn't have to be told twice, He kneels forward and scoops me up, one arm around my shoulder and the other under my knees. "Let's go," He says as he lifts me up from the ground.

He starts running but I struggle in his arms, "The girls..." I start but my mind is starting to get foggy with the pain that seems to force any connected thoughts from my mind.

"We will call it in when we get to the jet, authorities can be here soon." Steve snaps, not slowing down, running through the building. I feel his arms around me tighten, like he is trying to keep me with him through any means possible.

My body shudders, "This isn't good Steve." I say quietly leaning into his chest as I feel the cold night air on my face as we go outside, except it isn't cold, it feels hot on my face.

"We've had worse odds," He says as he kicks open the door of the building we had just been hiding out in. He charges the lobby and starts climbing the staircase that leads to the roof where the jet is hidden. And instead of focusing on his words I just let his voice roll over me, as consciousness begins to be harder to hold on to.


	41. 41: Steve

**A/N:** Well Hello again everyone! I am finally back, too long, I know. I am back with quite a few updates in the pipe, so this will no be the last one. To flayjunior15, you are not wrong. And what you want is coming, stay patient, Nat and Steve have more story to tell before we get into the events of Infinity War so I hope you stay with them. Hope you enjoy this chapter. More to come soon! -Cat

 ** _Chapter Forty-One_**

 _Steve_

We get into the jet and Sam runs ahead of me, pulling the bunk down from the side panel. "Put her here," He says running back to one of the storage compartments. I gently put Natasha down on the bunk and look over her again, my heart thudding in my chest. She's been shot three times and she is losing a lot of blood.

"Keep her conscious," Sam called over his shoulder. At the same time he speaks, I notice I don't like the way her arm drops from around my shoulders, like she isn't controlling it. Like it is just falling from me, limp.

I look up and see her eyes close, her face looking pale, "Nat... Natasha!" She struggles to open her eyes, trying to focus me, her body going tense. I reach up, cradling her face in my hands, "Stay with us, stay awake." I order her.

Her eyes go in and out of focus and it is like she is realizing she is pain all over again. She flexes on the bunk as Sam runs back over to stand beside me, bringing an armful of medical supplies. He reaches up with something that looks like a cross between a gun and a taser, with an odd nozzle at the front. I look at Sam but he is focused on the bullet hole on Nat's left side. "This was Stark tech, it was still in testing phase when we went off the grid, but should do the trick. Combat wound care." He looks up at Nat who is starting to shake. "Not gonna lie Nat, this is probably gonna hurt."

She looks at the gun before looking back at Sam and nodding. She reaches up with her left hand and grabs my jacket with a tight fist. I shift so as not to get in Sam's way but brace her arm with my hand all the same. Sam puts the nozzle on to on of the entry wounds, takes a deep breath and then pulls the trigger.

What looked like white foam blossomed out of the gun filling the wound. Nat instantly reared up, her fist tightening on my jacket, her face tenses and her mouth opens in a silent scream and I feel my heart constrict in my chest. "It's okay, you're okay," I say nonsensically, like that is even remotely true.

She pants as Sam removes the nozzle and looks up at her arm. I step behind Natasha and wrap my arms around her, she nods at Sam and he put the nozzle in and does the same. "Goddamn it!" She screams flinching back and I find myself holding her in place.

"I know, I'm sorry," Sam says quietly.

"Jesus, getting shot hurts less," Nat panted glaring at Sam, and I see the sweat on her brow and the blanched white of her skin.

Sam looks at her and he looks anguished, "Gotta stop the bleeding Nat." She nods and I turn around so I am facing her for this last one. The lower abdomen shot. I face her and force myself to smile into her eyes.

The left side of her mouth catches in a smile, "Wh-what?" She struggles to say, "No reprimand for my language?"

I can't help but let the chuckle escape, "Don't think I didn't notice."

"Ready?" Sam asks.

Nat holds my eyes with her own when she says, "Do it."

Her scream seems to tear at me. Like it is trying to rip apart my brain. I hold her tight but I can feel her shaking and loosing her grip on me as Sam finishes.

Sam reached up with a syringe and rolls up Nat's left sleeve, he injects her and I feel her go limp in my arms. "Nat!" I say frantically.

"It's okay, it's a sedative and a pain killer." I gently lower her onto the bunk and I hate the way her lids flutter over her eyes. My hand traces up to brush the hair out of her face. "Steve."

I turn from her to face Sam, who steps closer to me keeping his voice down, "This is bad. She needs a surgeon and she is gonna need one soon."

I swallow and look down at her. I take a breath before looking back up at Sam, "We need to find Helen Cho," Sam looks surprised at my words, "Get Nat to her."

"That's a big risk Steve, the kind that isn't so smart for us to be taking right about now."

"Her cradle can fix Nat fast and we don't have time or the option of Nat to be in a hospital bed for too long. Besides, she owes us. She is our safest option. Find out where she is." I reach out and take Sam's upper arm in my hand, "Get us there." I say raising my eyebrows at him, knowing I must look like I am pleading.

He purses his lips but all the same he nods and runs to the front of the jet. I turn back and look down at Nat. She looks small and in pain and my heart clenches in my chest at the sight of her like this. I knew it was a bad idea. I lean down over the bunk, stroking a hand over her head, down her soft hair, the blonde beginning to grow out. My eyes trace over her face as I am aware of how hot she is to the touch. I turn restlessly from the bunk running a hand over my beard.

"I found her," Sam shouts back to me, "She is in Amsterdam at a conference, and lucky for us she has a cradle with her for demonstration purposes."

"How long?" I demand looking up at Sam.

"I can get us there in under thirty."

I don't say anything back, I can't seem to find my voice at all, but Sam doesn't wait for me to respond. The back of the jet closes and soon we are taking off. I just look back down at Nat and try and remind myself that she has been through worse. That Nat can get through this. But I still feel fear in my chest. I can't protect her from this. I would have stepped in front of all three of those bullets if I could have but what do I do now they have already been fired? I feel helpless in the worst way.

The flight seemed to take forever but now we are here. In Amsterdam, finally. The medical research compound is quiet, it is still the middle of the night after all. Sam runs up to the keypad by the locked front doors and places a small device over it and starts typing in something before the doors spring open. I run through them with Nat held in my arms. Her unconscious form feels like it is the heaviest thing I have ever carried, which weighs on my mind since not a lot actually feels heavy to me anymore.

Sam brings up schematics of the building on his arm unit. "Looks like she is on the third floor." He says as he runs along beside me.

I don't say anything, just turn to the door that is marked stairwell off the front atrium of this modern looking building and kick it in. Not only does it open but it flies off the hinges back into the stairwell.

"So much for flying under the radar." Sam remarks.

"We don't have time for that." I say shortly not waiting for him before I start attacking the stairs, taking them three at a time. Sam makes the right choice of not saying anything more.

It feels like it takes forever to reach the third floor. No matter how much I push myself to move faster it feels like I am trying to wade through water, like the universe is holding me back.

We reach the third floor marked doorway and somehow Sam beats me, I think he might have used his wings to just fly up the stairwell, but I don't know, the only thing I am truly paying attention to is moving forward and Nat's laboured breathing. Laboured but still there. Sam opens the door for me and I as I walk through I am thankful that all the apparent labs or work spaces have enormous glass windows and I can already see Helen Cho through the window of one down the hall.

Sam and I run down the corridor together and he skids to a halt and bangs on the window. Helen and her two assistants both nearly jump out of their skin, obviously assuming they were alone in the empty building in the middle of the night. Helen looks up at us with big eyes and quickly surveys Sam but then her eyes swing to me and then down to Nat. She hands her tablet she was tapping on to her assistant and runs to the door, keying in the code to open it and I hear the whoosh as the air lock opens.

She is no-nonsense right away, no 'What are you doing here?', no 'How did you get in here?'. She simply keeps her eyes on Nat and asks, "What happened?" Stepping aside so I can come in, but staying by my side, reaching out and taking Nat's pulse from her wrist.

"She was shot. Three times." I say.

Her assistants must know her well and trust her because they dont say anything or ask questions, they remain professional and simply set to work removing the example dummy off the cradle for me to put Nat down on it instead.

"How long ago?" She asks as I gently put Nat down. She groans at the movement but her eyes stay closed, her brow furrowing.

"About forty five minutes." Sam answers for me which I am thankful for.

As I pull my arms out from underneath her, Nat grabs my arm, she is shaking and slowly I take her hand with my free hand and lean down to her. "It's okay, we are somewhere safe. You're gonna be okay." I say into her ear.

To my surprise she speaks, her voice more gravelly than normal, "Hope you aren't doing something stupid, Rogers." She grinds out.

I pull back to see one of her eyes opening, and the eyebrow raising over it. I can see the sweat on her brow, and I can tell she is having a hard time getting me into focus. "Oh you know me, always have something up my sleeve."

"I need you to step back so I can scan her." Helen says to me, gently placing a hand on my back.

"I am right here," I say letting go of her hand. And as always, she is stoic. She nods and looks happy to be able to close her eyes again. Although even the nod makes her wince. I let go of her hand even though I don't want to and step away from the cradle. I step back to stand beside Dr. Cho. I look at her, "You have to save her." I say.

Helen Cho purses her lips as she taps away furiously on the tablet she holds in her hand. "Why don't you and Mr. Wilson sit outside while we work." She looked up at me, "I assure you Captain Rogers, we will do everything we can for Agent Romanoff."

Sam appears beside me and puts a heavy hand on my shoulder, "Come on, Steve." He says gently and even though it feels like every fibre in my being is telling me not to, I step away from her and out into the hallway.

I stand in the hallway watching through the glass as Dr. Cho runs a scan over Nat's body. Her assistants running back and forth around the cradle getting things ready, for whatever it is they plan on doing to her. I just want them to move faster. I want this to be over and everything to be okay again.

Sam leans against the window next to me. "Captain, Mr. Wilson." An assistant appears beside us, with big cups of coffee.

"Thanks," Sam says, nodding at her and taking the mugs. He turns to me and goes to hand the mug to me but I feel like I am frozen. "Come on Steve," Sam sipped from his own mug, "And damned if this isn't the best cup of coffee I have had in a year. Nothing you can do for Nat out here." He forced the mug into my hand.

"Thanks," I say quietly. I smell the coffee and it does smell amazing. But I don't sip it because all it makes me think off is every morning waking up with Natasha and her lamenting the bad luck of not having good coffee. It seems inherently wrong to drink this while she is in there...

The door of the lab opens and Helen Cho stepped out to look at me, "I have scanned Agent Romanoff-"

"And?" I ask facing her, handing Sam the coffee I haven't touched.

"The silicone hemorrhage control saved her life, but taking it out might cause more damage." My brow furrows, "But do not worry Captain, the cradle can heal that damage as quickly as it occurs. What concerns me is the area of her body that bullet three entered. The previous damage to her lower torso is... catastrophic." My brow furrows, "The previous surgical methods used on her body were...well, they caused tremendous scarring and-"

I put my hand up to stop Dr. Cho, "Look, I don't care what it takes. Make her whole." Dr. Cho looked like she really wanted to discuss this more, "Please Helen." I find myself begging.

She takes a deep breath, "Alright, I will send my assistant out with updates,"

I let out a breath I feel like I have been holding in forever, "Thank you,"


	42. 42: Steve

**Chapter Forty-Two**

 _Steve_

It is the longest four hours of my life. Sam in pacing behind me, he is getting eager to leave as dawn is close to breaking over the city and I understand why. We are cutting it close. Closer than we ever have before. But I just stand frozen. My hands braced on the ledge of the window looking into the lab. I can't see Nat anymore. She is totally encompassed in the cradle now.

But I stand here, waiting. Running through all the things we could have done differently. Why did we even go into that stupid warehouse to begin with? What was the point? A handful of ex-heroes still trying to make a difference in a world that no longer wanted us?

The door opened and I don't look up expecting it to be another assistants update, with vague info. But I hear Sam stop pacing and I look up to see Helen Cho standing, facing us, looking tired, waiting for me to look at her and she smiles, and my heart feels lighter, like I can finally breath. Just with that simply movement, her smile.

"She is doing well." Helen says and Sam slaps a hand on my back, but I stay focused on Dr. Cho, "Her body went through some massive trauma, but I am pleased to say that my cradle was able to repair it. All." She couldn't help but look a little smug.

"Anything we should know," I think about Clint after he went in the cradle. He was talking while it had been fixing him and that had only been a prototype of the real cradle but as I look into the lab the cradle is retracting and I see Nat, who looks surprising small, still unconscious on the table.

"As I said the repairs we have done were extensive and will be hard for her body to adjust to based on most recent traumas." Helen took a deep breath crossing her arms, "She needs to be somewhere safe, to rest for at least the next forty-eight hours."

Sam raised his eyebrows, "That is a big ask for us right now Doc,"

Helen shook her head, "She has been through enough and unless you want her body to shut down or go into massive shock, you need to let her rest."

I nod, "We can make that happen." Sam looked at me with a questioning look like he wanted to know just exactly how I was going to pull some R and R out of thin air but I didn't want to elaborate here. Right now, all I wanted was to get Nat on the jet and away from here.


	43. 43: Natasha

**A/N:** So, Endgame. To be honest, I am still reeling. I know we haven't even begin to cover the events of Infinity War yet, they are coming up in the next chapter or two, but I just wanted to assure everyone that there will be no spoilers for Endgame for quite a while. So anyway, take a breath, relax and I hope you enjoy this next chapter. -Cat

 **Chapter Forty-Three**

 _Natasha_

I remember pain. A lot of pain.

I remember Steve... His arms holding me.

I remember feeling cold and hot all at the same time.

Waking up is something I have always been happy to do. Usually it meant leaving the nightmares behind. More recently it meant getting to see Steve, which in its self was like a dream.

But this... this was an altogether different sort of waking up, like I was coming up from deep, deep under. Before I open my eyes I know certain things. I am on a very comfy bed, very soft. Comfier than we've had in a long time. The room is bright, like sunlight is flooding in. I can smell fresh air, like real fresh air, not city air, and the fabric softener on the flannel sheets beneath me.

Slowly I blink, and even though I am just waking up, I realise just how exhausted I feel. I blink and open them and let the room fall into focus. I am in a bed and there is a little night stand beside it, with a cute old lamp sitting on it. There is an old window across from me, looking out into... a forest? Beside the window is big wing-backed arm chair with god awful gold upholstery on it, and sitting in it, with his head resting on his hand, while his elbow rested on the arm was Steve.

He was asleep, with a tight line between his brows, like he was worried, even in his dreams. He had on some light tan dockers and a plaid shirt. It reminds me of when we first met, all those years ago on the helicarrier... but now he had a beard and his hair was still getting longer. I sigh as I think back on all that time ago... so much time... so much of it wasted.

I am not sure if he feels my eyes on him, hears my sigh or if he just woke up but suddenly his eyes open and he sits up straight in the chair, rubbing a hand over his face. He blinks and glances over at the bed, presumably to check on me and does a double take when he sees my eyes looking back at him, "Nat?" In an instant he is out of the chair and kneeling on the ground beside the bed.

I smile as he reaches up and strokes a loose strand of hair out of my face and behind my ear, "Hey there," I say quietly to him, my voice sounding gravelly.

"How are you feeling?" He asked smiling at me. I blink a start to sit up, "Easy," He says hands hovering around me.

I smirk at him, "Uh, a little worse for wear but..." I try and take stock of myself, "Okay, I think."

I shift my legs to cross them underneath myself, moving slowly... feeling stiff, and Steve sits on the bed in front of me. I feel his eyes on my as if afraid to look away.

"You sure?" He asked looking at me from under his brow.

I look at him with a small smile, "Pretty sure." I nod before sitting up straight, stretching my back and feeling my torso pull in a slightly odd feeling way. I blink, trying to ignore the feeling, trying not to show any discomfort on my face. I know it will just send Steve over the edge. "What happened?" I ask.

"Ya got shot." He says bluntly, looking at me with stormy eyes.

I roll my own, "Yes, I remember that part." I shake my head, "Vividly. No after that part," I, of course have realised I seem to be without bullet holes, or any meatball surgery to fix them. I was aware of that almost as soon as I woke up. I am just wondering what magic Steve and Sam seemed to have pulled out of thin air.

Steve looked at me long and hard as if judging what to tell me, "Helen Cho helped us out."

I blink, shaking my head, "Wait... Helen Cho?" I lean forward onto my knees, tucking my feet underneath me as I move closer to Steve, he makes a move like he wants me to lie back down but I ignore him, "That was an enormous risk!" I snap.

He sighed, looking tired, he looked down at my hand in my lap and reached out taking my wrist. With the other hand he gently traced a line in my palm before simply taking my hand, "It was one I had to take." Slowly he looked up at me and I feel at home in his eyes, completely loved.

I can't seem to find any words, I just lean forward and wrap my arms around his neck. And he didn't hesitate wrapping his arms around me.

Steve pulled me to him, on to his lap, his arms wrapped around me tightly. He buried his face in my hair, a hand going to the back of my head.

"It's okay Steve," I whisper turning into him as well, "I'm fine,"

"Yeah but you almost weren't,"

I pull back and look at him, his eyes looking down. I reached out and put a hand on either side of his face, my fingers felt the soft but strong hair of his beard. I pull him so he is looking at me, "Steve," His eyes meet mine and he pulls me to him again and this time I let myself fall forward to him, my lips descending on his. But eventually my curiosity gets the better of me and I pull back.

"Mmm," He moans as I pull back and he rests his head at the base of my neck.

"Where exactly are we?" I ask as I look over my shoulder out the window again as if it is going to offer answers to me.

"Clint and Laura's." My head snaps back around to look at Steve. Okay, he clearly has lost his mind, "Don't worry," He says slowly looking up at me, "We are in the old cabin on the far side of the property. No FBI eye's on us."

My brow furrows shaking my head, this was a bad idea. I would prefer to be in the jet than here. "This is too dangerous. Clint just-"

Steve shakes his head, his hands coming up to hold my face this time, "It was the only place safe enough for us to be. You had to rest. And there was no guarantee elsewhere. Almost all of the safe houses have been compromised. Besides once they heard why we needed-"

"Yeah well, of course they said it was fine, they are as stupid as you are evidently!" I snap.

"Thanks for that!" I hear Laura's voice down below us and realise we must be in a loft. I look to my right as see Laura's dark haired head bobbing up the stairs with a big tray on her hip. "Next time a friend is going to die for lack of a bed to lie down in I will be sure to close the curtains." She said shaking her head.

I tilt my head to the side as I see her and can't help but smile, no matter how mad I am at her for allowing this. "Laura," I say furrowing my brow.

She rolls her eyes, "It's as if I haven't taught you anything at all." Laura puts the tray down on the bed and stands up straight looking at us with an amused look on her face.

It is at that point in time I realise I am still straddling Steve's lap and instantly move off of him and back to bed, feeling a blush on my cheeks. I must still be groggy from whatever meds I have been on... Steve chuckles and slowly stands up from the end of the bed and takes the tray from the bed and puts it on a small table beside the arm chair.

Laura smiles as she watches him, "Thought I would bring you something to eat." Her shrewd eyes travel from Steve to me and I feel slightly like I am under a microscope. "This guy hasn't left your bedside, quite the guardian angel."

I look at Steve and he blushes, crossing his arms over his chest and avidly watching the floor. "I'm lucky I guess," I say glancing at her from under my lashes and really wishing she and I could talk alone for even a minute. Laura being the closest thing I have ever had to a real girlfriend, I missed not getting to talk to her through all of the recent Steve related revelations in my life. But I didn't need to drag her into our chaos after the Accords just to hear her opinion on things.

Laura shrugged, "Yeah well, lucky for you, unlucky for me. I owe Clint twenty bucks."

I raise an eyebrow and tilt my head to the side looking at her, "What's that now?"

Laura simply shakes her head and waves her hand, "Nothing, married people stuff," She said casually before coming to sit beside me on the bed, "It's good to see you, even under the circumstances." I lean forward and take the hug I know she was dying to offer me and she pulls me tight. "Can't scare us like that Nat."

She lets go and holds me at arms length, "Someone has got to keep you on your toes," I say jokingly, rolling my eyes.

"Mmmhmm, well you are the ballerina so I will leave the point work to you." Laura looked up at Steve who I notice his eyes are just sort of resting on my head, "Hey Steve, can you give us a minute? Maybe go out an chop some fire wood?"

He smirked, "Yeah sure." Before he leaves, to my slight surprise, what with Laura sitting so close to me, he steps to the bed rubs a hand over the top of my head before leaning down and following it with a kiss. "I'll be back." He says. And I glance up at him. The 'be right back' was unnecessary, of course he would be but it was still nice to hear and suddenly I feel once again, that thing creeping up on me. _Joy_.

I watch as he descends the stairs before Laura has me pinned beneath her gaze again. I take a deep breath hoping to cut her off at the pass, "You guys really shouldn't have let us come here. It is to big a risk since Clint got his deal ironed out-"

Laura shook her head, "It isn't worth anything if we have to turn his best friend away at her time of need." She shook her head, "It is killing Clint not to be able to come out here though. We just had to be sure you guys were tucked away somewhere outside the range of his ankle monitor. Just in case."

I nod understanding, "Well, make sure you tell him, thank you." Laura smiled, "And I will kick his ass later."

She rolled her eyes, "Okay, okay, enough of that. So what's the deal with you and Steve!? When did that start?" She looked like a kid in a candy store, her eyes got so big and bright as she spoke.

I laugh looking away rolling my eyes, "Oh god-"

"No." She said briskly.

I look back at Laura caught off guard by the cut and dry tone she just put on, "Wh-what?" I ask.

She shakes her head, "No. Just no, none of this taciturn spy, he's shy, nothing to tell bull shit."

"Laura!?" I am actually shocked at hearing her use that language and suddenly feel like Steve.

"No Nat, I am not putting up with it. I am a wife and a mother. Have been for a while now. Don't have a lot of girlfriends because hard to do that when your husband is in the line of work mine is. Haven't left the house much cause then Clint feels left behind. And honestly I don't mind because it is so nice to have him home and safe and my house has never looked better. But I am bored damn it." I laugh and so does she, "I am booooored. So I need to live vicariously through my friend who is a super spy vigilante on the run having what I can only assume, and hope for that matter, is a hot and steamy torrid affair with the one and only Captain America. So I want details. All the details. Every single tiny detail you can muster." I laugh again shaking my head, feeling like my cheeks might actually melt off. "So I will ask you one more time, Natasha, when did this start?"

I cover my face with my hands and hear her sigh heavily and then just peak out from behind my fingers at her smiling. Laura raises an eyebrow at me, and I take a deep breath. I can do this. I can do this for her. "Okay, so it started after Berlin."

Her eyes get big, "So not after Sokovia?" She catches me off guard by the question but I shake my head.

"Uh no, definitely not."

She nods solemnly, "Alright, go on. How did it start?"

I shrug, "I don't... I, well..." I find myself getting flustered trying to make sense of everything in my mind. "Well," I take a deep breath, "He just came and found me."


End file.
